Sunday, December 25, 2005

Possible Future Olympic Sport...

Sick of turkey?

Try penguin....


Santa Game


Need a Challenge?

Like Yodelling, hate Santa?

Try clicking on the title of this post....



All The Best Everybody...

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Not Long Now!!!

I'm really excited, I love Christmas!

I've got a day off today, and have cleaned my room, and am wrapping presents. I feel all christmassy!

I'm still waiting for one present to arrive from the catalogue, and I'm a bit worried it won't turn up in time for Christmas. I actually ordered it over a week and a half ago, but i guess they just must be busy.

I've got all my presents for my family, I've just got to get four small presents for four of my freinds. I was hoping to do that today, as i was expecting to get paid, but we haven't been paid yet which is VERY annoying. That means I'll have to run round like a lunatic during my lunch break over the next two days.

Oh well.

I haven't been doing much on my days off this month, it's been so stupidly busy in the shop that I just relax when I'm off, as I feel I need it. I slouch around in my "comfy but wudnt be seen dead in outside the house" clothes, and drink lots of coffee, eat mince pies, and do my washing and generally be domestic. That's how the rest of my day off will pan out, I'll put some more washing in, I and I might even go to the gym, I haven't been for two weeks, I've been that tired after work!

Then again, I could go and see King Kong..., Hmmmm... Will have to think about it I think.

I'm going to my small group tonight, we're having a social at Cliff & Sylvia's house. Hopefully it should be good, although I've been in a bit of strange mood lately and prefferred my own company and avoided groups of people like the plague. I dunno whether it's just me gettin older and a bit more detached and independant from others or whether it's a last vestige of my depression. Well, I'll just have to put my own selfish feelings aside and go tonight. Hopefully I'll enjoy it.

Well, I'm off to wrap presents....


Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Christmas Lights Extreme!!!

Click on the title of this post and turn up ur speakers...

Lol this is what Christmas Lights were made for...

Lol lol lol

Thanks to Jacks for sending me it, it made my day!!


I'm still alive...

Haven't blogged for ages sorry. Just been too plain knackered, and working hard.

Kitchmas is definitely upon us, as the shop is stupidly busy and i only have time for two full cups of tea a day!! That's disgraceful I say. Bring in the Unions...

What's the point of a job if you can't enjoy a good cup of tea and a digestive eh?

Anyway, today is my day off, so I'm wrapping presents today. As I'm a klutz and am applaling at wrapping, I am getting the assistance of a professional. (my gran, who's over from ireland for a few weeks) I've got a special wrapping pack this year complete with bows, ribbon and tissue paper, and am gonna make sure my presents to my siblings are the best (in terms of wrapping anyway) ever in this house.

I think I'm gonna have to take pictures for people to see lol.

I was away to visit Ali last weekend, and had a brilliant time. She's great. I met her freinds, because her brother in law was having his 30th party, all of them are clinically insane, so I fitted in really well!! We played a very raucous board game after most of the guests had had copious amounts of alchohol, which was fun. I learnt that if you shout the word "testacles" long enough as an answer, eventually you're given points even if it isn't right, purely on the basis of amusement and persistance!! lol

Naturally we had girls v's boys, and because it was a game where you had to describe a word, the girls obviously won, despite huge cheating from the lads lol. There was another pk there (pastors kid) and everyone said they could tell, cos we knew the most norty words to shout out as answers.!!


I had bad hair problems all weekend, and my vanity reached new levels, which frustrated me. I think it just made Ali laugh! Her sister and brother in law are really freindly people and we got on well. Her niece is the cutest thing shorter than me I've ever seen!

I had a brilliant weekend, and can't wait to visit again. I also discovered that eating chips bought in Yarmouth at the seaside in paper cones with garlic mayo on a crispy cold windy day while listening to a Salvation Army Brass Band playing Christmas Carols whilst sitting next to a beautiful girl who you like and who (hopefully!) likes you is the closest thing to heaven I've ever experienced.

Ali you gave me a great weekend. xx

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

What's Your Ironic Gift?

'i-ronik gifft'- noun - (a gift that is actually more of a curse)

Mine is the Gift Of Rejection!

I recently got so fed up with my job that I finally got my act together and finally did a CV and posted it online. I then started applying to jobs I received in my mail box daily.

I applied for two this week.

I was firmly and politely rejected the NEXT DAY (!) after I sent my email, by email from both companies.

That has GOT to be a record!!

Monday, November 21, 2005


When I said "a fire in your living room" in my last post, I meant a gas-powered one, not a literal fire in my living room!!

(if that were the case I don't think I'd be reminicsing!)


I LOVE the weather today!!!

Oh no, not because it's hot and sunny, but because it's cold, I mean really cold, so cold that you appreciate hot chocolate and a cake indoors with a fire in your living room even more!!


It's so cold, you can feel yourself breathing, because the cold air rushes in and out of your lungs, and it almost makes you gasp with every intake.

It's so cold, the air is actually freezing in front of you, and everywhere is thick with fog. Not the dirty grimy type, but the cool, white cleansing type that makes you feel alive as you walk through it, yet makes even the simplest things look mysteriou because they're covered.

It's like God is playing hide and seek with everday objects!!

I love it.

I love Winter.

I know I'm strange.

I'm gonna go the gym and walk back slowly tonight so that I can enjoy walking in the fog, I might even pretend I'm Sherlock Holmes or something. It feels somehow dangerous and exciting at the same time, even walking down the road seems like an adventure in fog, especially when it's as cold as I said!!


I just rememberd I bought Arthur Conan Doyle's "the casebook of Sherlock Holmes" on ebay last week, I think now is the perfect time to start reading it.

*grins like a little kid*

I'm Jealous...

My sister has just bought a G5 Apple Mac.

Disgraceful I say.

5 Bad Habits

  1. I pick my nose
  2. I bite my nails
  3. I fart on purpose in public
  4. I don't brush my teeth every day
  5. I'm not good with money

I'm a bit of a minger really!

I find it really difficult:

  1. to like my boss. Especially when a freind has invited me to a Paul Weller concert and I've got two days annual leave left, and he agreed I could have the afternoon off and now he's changed his mind and says I can only go at four, and I have to get the train instead of get a lift, and instead of a relaxing journey before a concert, I'll have a really stressful one, and only get there an hour/45 minutes before the actual start of the concert.
  2. to know what to do with my life. I'm stuck in a rut, and have been for a while
  3. to follow God, especially when he asks me to love fellow Christians, alot of whom are idiots
  4. to be myself. I'm always being what other people want me to be. I'm like a human/chameleon genetic experiment.
  5. to know who I really am.
  6. when someone says they love God but don't demonstrate it in the way they treat people.
  7. figuring out who God really is. So many people have different opinions, even in Christianity.
  8. to accept Christianity as representing Jesus.
  9. to separate Jesus from Christianity. I've been brought up with it and it's taken root inside me and it hurts to pull it out.
  10. to motivate myself to do things when I know I should.

What do you find difficult?!

I'm a little confused...

My life is not what I thought it would be.

That's it.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

In The Future....

  1. We will use the term "Snog & Blog" instead of "Kiss & Tell"
  2. We will all wear an aluminium fabric
  3. The Church will be powerful because it will be an underground movement, having been banned and outlawed years ago
  4. We will have tv screens on our watches, or fitted into the skin of our arms by a simple procedure
  5. ALL clothing will be wired with an ipod
  6. Most shoes will be outlawed, except for a spacey version of Caterpillars, or Timberland's, or Doc Martens
  7. Products will be judged by whether they are fashionable, not useful
  8. All books will be kept in museums
  9. Music will be mostly electronic based
  10. You will be able to choose what ur hair looks like from a magazine, and then press a switch to replicate ur ideal haircut

What do you think the future will hold?!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

I'm STILL impressed....

when my (younger but taller HWIM) brother turns up at the door when he's on a late shift in his police uniform just to grab a bite to eat...

I dunno why, but I feel immensly proud of him.


Sorry I haven't felt inspired to blog for a while.

I've been to the gym last night and am still quite sore, I was supposed to be going to a meeting afterwards, but got a bit carried away on the bike and cycled 26 km!

Lol what can I say, the music on my ipod was good!

I'm aiming for buttocks of steel you see!!

Anyway, I was gonna go the gym again tonight, but after waiting ages for my gym stuff to wash/dry I've decided it's not worth it as they close at ten pm.
I'll go tommorrow.

I'm trying to lose some more weight, Im down to hovering between 9 an 9 an a half stone at the moment, but I'd ideally like to be 8 and a half. It sounds like hardly anything, but I am actually quite short, so it sounds thinner than I'd actually look because of my lack of height.

It'd be nice to get a bit fitter an show some abs, but I dont know whether that will happen.

At least im getting some good workouts for my legs, theyre apparently the first part to deteriorate in ms, and i have had problems with them occasionally in the past, so I want to get my calf muscles as strong as I can for the future, just in case.

Anyway now I've bored you all talking about me, I shall go!!

Update... Again!!

Sorry I haven't felt inspired to blog for a while.

I've been to the gym last night and am still quite sore, I was supposed to be going to a meeting afterwards, but got a bit carried away on the bike and cycled 26 km!

Lol what can I say, the music on my ipod was good!


Im aiming for buttocks of steel you see!!

Anyway, I was gonne go the gym again tonight, but after waiting ages for my gym stuff to wash/dryt I've decided it's not worth it as they close at ten pm.

I'll go tommorrow.

I'm trying to lose some more weight, Im down to hovering between 9 an 9 an a half stone at the moment, but I'd ideally like to be 8 and a half. It sounds like hardly anything, but I am actually quite short, so it sounds thinner than I'd actually look because of my lack of height.

It'd be nice to get a bit fitter an show some abs, but I dont know whether that will happen. At least im getting some good workouts for my legs, theyre apparently the first part to deteriorate in ms, and i have had problems with them occasionally in the past, so I want to get my calf muscles as strong as I can for the future.

Anyway now I've bored you all talking about me, I shall go!!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Task No. 51 - 'Save Your Pocket Money For A Month And Spend It All At Once'

Ok, so I don't get pocket money anymore, but I do get wages every month, and I've just spent a considerable amount of them in one go by buying an ipod nano.

It arrived today, 2 DAYS after I ordered it from Apple!!!

All I'd like to say is....


It's great!!

No more skipping CD's, and burning Mp3 songs onto CD taking hours....

I just plug it in to my pc, and it downloads the songs I choose onto itself.

That's my treat for myself this month!!


99 tasks to go.....

I'm gonna beat ya Ali....


I'm Just Starting....


New author, new literary Genre.

Huge Tome of a Novel, and very reasonable price so thought I'd give it a go.

It's a supernatural thriller / horror / sci-fi / time travelling / journal-entering / biographical fiction novel.

Sounds interesting doesn't it?!

It has angels v's demons, nanotechnology v's magic, mortals v's immortals and looks a jolly good escapist read!!

And the best thing is, this is JUST Part I!!!

It's going to be a trilogy.

I'm going to dive into this now.

I hope I like it, if not, I'm sure it will entertain me for a while.

Here's hoping....

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Task 83: 'Dye Your Hair'

I completed this on Saturday 22nd October 2005 at 2pm. My hair is now purple, exzcept for the mohican stripe going from the back of my neck to the front of my head, which is white blonde!!

Slightly cheating because I used to have my hair like this, but I thought blue might get me sacked!!


1 task down, 100 to go....

(Photo evidence will be posted shortly of this one)

101 Things Quest Is Launched!!!!!!

Because of this: -------------------------->

It's a children's book newly published this month.

The idea is to complete 101 tasks before you become old and boring in as quick a time as possible, and to have fun doing it!! Click on the title of this post to visit the website!!

I've been challenged by Ali, (her blog's the top one in my list opposite) to work through the whole book, and achieve all 101 tasks as soon as I can!!

So, celebrating all that is childish and silly and nonsensical, I accepted!!

I will be updating regularly on which task I have completed, and how far along I am. Some tasks are simpler than others, (i.e. task number 33 "Learn To Bake A Cake") and some tasks involve more than one person or object, (e.g. task number 55 "Invent A New Trend" or task 75 "Watch A Tadpole Grow Into A Frog") and some will definitely take a while!!

Alice and I bought the book, and will be providing evidence on our blog(s) that we have completed each task as and when we do it. The fun part is, you get to fill in a form in the book, and give yourself a star when you've done it!! The stickers are provided with the book, is that GREAT or WHAT?!


So... if any of you want to join us in our quest, or (for those of you who are non uk) want a copy of the book so you can follow... email me or leave a comment!!

I've started already, but am visting Ali on the 4th November for the weekend to try and get some more tasks done. :-)

I'm gonna win I'm determined!!


I Have A New Addiction....

Click on the title.

You'll see.

I'm in love.

She's Canadian.

She's seriously HOT.

She has an AMAZING voice.

She makes the piano weep, sing and shout, all at the same time.

What more could you want?!

(Unfortunately she's married to Elvis Costello, but we'll ignore that for the moment...)


Monday, October 24, 2005


I've just finished it.

What can I say!!

I was excited, intrigued, mystified, enthralled, anxious, discombobulated, and then finally gutted!!

It's got it all, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. In fact I enjoyed it a bit too much, as I didn't eat for a few days until I'd finished!! I was seriously dissapointed at the end, because I'd heard the rumours before I'd read the book, (that's what happens when you don't keep up with the latest authors) so was expecting a dramatic ending, which it was, but not in the way I'd expected!

I've got my own theories about who did what and why, but I'll wait for now before indulging in them, in case someone's reading this blog who hasn't read that far yet!! (seriously tho... WHY NOT?! I thought I was behind!!!)

It's a really, really good read, and I can't wait for the Final book. I imagine if it's in the same vein as this one, that the last book will be advertised on Amazon with a "free forklift" as it's gonna be a thick tome!!

It's great, if you haven't found the phenomena of HP yet, (and I don't mean the sauce!) go and buy the first book, and await to be enthralled!!

Friday, October 21, 2005

Sensitive? Yes! Emotional Train Wreck? No.

I wonder sometimes what people think of me. Sometimes I think I sense a change in people's perception, that just because I think about things deeply I'm somehow selfish or self-obsessed.

It's not that at all. It's just that I think about things.



Because, well...

that's me.

I can't turn it on and off like a switch, it just is.

Yes I have a silly side to me, but it's not the whole of me. I think the true definition of me is a kid quietly and contentedly sitting in the corner, reading a book, lost in his own world of thoughts and dreams. Even now, as I'm blogging, I can see myself as that, even in the way I'm blogging right now I guess.

But I do care about people deeply. Even those I've just met, or only known for a while. And it hurts when people brush you off, even when they think they're doing it in a kind way. I guess sometimes it is being oversensitive, but tonight I don't feel that.

Oh well, I can't be everyone's best freind I guess.

The sad thing is, I think I'd like to be. (how naive is that? lol)

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

I think I may have done this before...

Your Birthdate: August 30

Your birthday on the 30th day of the month shows individual self-expression is necessary for your happiness.
You tend to have a good way of expressing yourself with words, certainly in a manner that is clear and understandable.
You have a good chance of success in fields requiring skill with words.

You can be very dramatic in your presentation and you may be a good actor or a natural mimic.
You have a vivid imagination that can assist you in becoming a good writer or story-teller.
Strong in your opinions, you always tend to think you are on the right side of an issue.

There may be a tendency to scatter your energies and have a lot of loose ends in your work.
You may have significant artistic talent and be very creative.

Saturday, October 15, 2005


I've just read it! I finished today, and although I did definitely enjoy it, I was a little dissapointed wit the ending.!

Ruth Rendell is a master of the crime fiction genre, and as I'd enjoyed some of her television outings in the form of Detective Wexford, I thought I'd give her latest a go!

It actually turned out to be a lot darker than the Wexford Mysteries, but the way she got inside the mind of a sociopath was superb. I got a bit creeped out when I was reading it, so she obviously did her job of character development well!

This novel is more from the point of view of the criminal, and his thoughts, and the police aren't mentioned much at all, until the obvious point! She very cleverly built up the main characters, and halfway through I wondered if I was reading a horror or a crime novel, because of the dark nature of one of the character's mind's!

It was quite clever, and there was alot of internal thought dialogue of the characters, so you had an idea how their emotions and psychological state was changing throughout. This enabled you to enter into the strange twisted logic of a killer, and this book was much more psychological then her others in it's tone.

I was a little dissapointed by some of the sub plots though. One character turned out to be not much use, and I was a bit annoyed she hadn't given him more to do in the story. I felt the ending was a bit anti-climatic, even though there were some clever gems.

Overall, I think it was a good read, and I'd recommend it, but only if you're prepared to read for a while before you get into the plot. It does start quite slowly, whether this is because she wanted to build up the characters more, I don't know. That would be my only criticism.

On to the next book now...

Day Off

I’ve not done that much today, which is the idea!!

I went to sort out some financial stuff this morning, and then met Michael, a homeless guy I’ve known for about 5 years, and we chatted an had a coffee…

Then, I went to the Gym in the afternoon.

I really wish I hadn’t!


I overdid it, I spent 20 mins on the rowing machine (not bad), and then 1 hour on the bike. (not good!)

I came off the bike and realised I’d completely dehydrated myself by doing too much which was a bit silly to say the least! I nearly fell over when I went to stand up, and my bum muscles were ABSOLUTELY KILLING ME!!!

So, I decided to spend some time in the steam room, to warm up my muscles…

When I got in there, I was the only one there, and the heat hit me like a sledgehammer, but it was good! I felt so relaxed, but could only spend ten mins in there because it was SOOOO HOT!!! It did me good though, and my muscles were’nt aching at all when I had a shower and got changed and left.

I’ll have to go in the steam room more often after working out I think!! I may not be very buff, ‘cos of the machines I go on, but at least I’ll have a firm BUTT!!! :p Lol lol lol!


Got home and sorted out my computer which for some reason hasn’t been downloading and installing updates for Windows for two weeks, so I’d missed quite a few, and it took a while to install them all!!!
I also re-labelled some of my mp3 CD’s that I’ve burned lately, so that I’ll know what exactly is on them when I come to transfer them to the I-Pod! (I haven’t got one yet, but am planning to buy one next week! :p )

I also booked an appointment to get my hair cut for next Saturday, I’m planning to have it dyed purple and cut in a beckham-ish Mohican again, with the strip of the Mohican being white blonde! I preferred my hair like that I think. :p

Well, that was my not-so-exciting day!!

It's Arrived!!!

The Half Blood Prince is here!!!

I’m excited and very nearly wet myself when I signed for it today….

I didn’t actually wee myself though, don’t worry.

I haven’t started reading it yet, I’m building up the courage…

Blogger Does Word

Blogger Does Word!!!!

I’m using Word to create this blog, which is very strange but cool.

Just thought I’d tell you all.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Insanity Strikes!!!!!

Er... I've gone a bit mad....

For some reason, in the last three months, my reading appetite has quadrupled, and I've been interested in reading anything... books, magazines, notices, billboards, anything!!

It's really weird, and is kinda freaking me out, but I've recently joined a book club, and for some totally unknown reason developed some very strange reading interests....

Tonight, I ordered the following, and spent a HECK of a large amount of money:

Weighing The Soul (Len Fisher)
Stupid White Men (Michael Moore)
Big Bang (Simon Singh)
The Archaeology of the Afterlife (Tony Allan)
Einstein's Monsters (Martin Amis)
Agatha Christie: Murders To Die For (Agatha Christie)
The Lincoln Lawyer/ Mary, Mary (James Patterson)
Ladies Detective Agency set of 4 (Alexander McCall-Smith)
Violets are Blue/Four Blind Mice (James Patterson)
Along Came a Spider/Kiss the Girls/Jack and Jill/Cat and Mouse/Pop Goes The Weasel/Roses are Red (James Patterson)
3rd Degree (James Patterson)
London Bridges (James Patterson)
Watchers/Sole Survivor (Dean Koontz)
Lightning/Intensity (Dean Koontz)
Life Expectancy (Dean Koontz)
The Moscow Vector (Robert Ludlum/Patrick Larkin)
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (J.K. Rowling)
Vellum: The Book of All Hours 1 (Hal Duncan)
Frankenstein (Mary Shelley)

The books rangein type from supernatural sci-fi fantasies, reference works on great discoveries in science and the people who made them, books explaining the Big Bang, Crime Thrillers, Reference Works on Archaeological Discoveries about the Ancient's view of the Afterlife, Modern books written about american culture from a sarcastic viewpoint, to an old fashioned Science Fiction Dramatic Love Story!!!

I can't stop reading at the moment, it's really wierd!! I've also put a bid in on E-Bay for the Complete Works of Shakespeare, and have on order all of Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes Series!!!

I think I'm going to hibernate for a few months to read all these, I'll see you all in a few months!! If any of you need to contact me, I'll be in a log cabin at the top of the Rockies, with a very warm rug and a roaring log fire....

(ok I'll be snuggled up on my leather couch in my room, but readers have imagination you know... hehe)

I may not post for some time......

A Message From John Cleese...

To the citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: (You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up vocabulary).

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.

Thursday, October 13, 2005


I was in Leeds again, which was a good day, 'cos it meant I didn't have to get there 'till 10:15, and I could leave at 3:30, 'cos it takes two hours on the train travelling time.

Now, I may make myself sound like a freak now, but to me, there's nothing like travelling, and travelling by train. Yes, I know there's delays and cancellations, and late arrivals, and sometimes it's so busy you can't get a seat, but generally speaking, most of the time I love it! There's something about sitting in your own space, watching the world speed past you, relaxed and knowing you're on the way to somewhere.

I really love travelling by train. Sometimes I feel down that I can't drive, but it's at times like this that I'm glad, because if I did, I'd miss out on travelling by train. I think it's because it reminds me of when I was 21, and the first time I had to get on a train to get somewhere, and I was totally on my own. This was a big thing for me, partly because of my nearly crippling shyness, but also because generally speaking I'd been driven everywhere by someone before. In a strange way, I felt a sense of exhilaration and independance when I reached where I was going, because I'd realised I'd done it on my own!!

No help.

No parents.

No siblings.

Just ME!!

Maybe that's why I enjoy travelling by train so much, because it brings back those feelings. maybe it's also because I have my own space, and I can read, listen to music, and even sleep; I can do what I want, rather than have to speak to the person driving me, navigate with a map, shout directions, etc. In my mind, it's just soooo much easier and less stressful.

I used to have to travel quite a bit when I did my gap year after Uni with Scripture Union, (the aforementioned first journey) and I loved every minute of the travel! I think I sometimes look forward to the journey more than arriving at the destination!

To be boringly deep for a moment, (!) it got me thinking!

I wonder what would happen if I approached life that way? If I approached every situation / person / problem I encountered as part of the process of my journey in life?

If I wasn't so worried about the destination, (my plans/prospects/career/relationships) but simply enjoyed the journey, taking in the sights, and using the time to enjoy and relax?

What about my fellow passengers?

Are they any less travellers than me?

Am I different to them in a significant way?

I'm different yes, we all are, but....

We're all on the journey.


Puts a different spin on things doesn't it?


Worrying about "finding the One"?

Stressing about making that bill payment?

Wondering where my purpose is?


Sit Back.


Enjoy the Journey, and welcome others who are travelling too.

The Driver knows where He's going.

*sigh* it really is that easy.

We make it so, so complicated as Christians.

God, help me to trust in You, really trust in You, not just lip-service. Help me to kick back and enjoy this journey of life you've set me upon, to enjoy spending time with my fellow passengers, to not get annoyed when things are delayed that i want, when it seems I have to make diversions in my plans, to realise that You know the destination, and that's all I need to know.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Click THIS!!!!!


Monday, October 10, 2005

I'm Known!!

It has come to my attention recently that some people from my church now know I have a blog....

Well you're very welcome, but let me say this...


That's it.


Reason #1 My Life Has Been Empty Lately...

I hate to admit this...

It's SOOO embarrassing.

In fact it's excruciating.

In fact it's making me squirm thinking about it....

Sorry VJ I haven't read your blog for AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGES.............

*beats self with a funky feather boa as punishment*

Forgive me?


I've got my last radio show tommorrow, and I can't be bothered planning it.

Help me someone!! I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED motivation!

Made me Think...

I was talking to an elderly customer in the shop today.

He's just retired from playing in his Salvation Army Band, after 45 years. He had to, because he can't walk and play his instrument on the marches anymore, he gets too out of breath. I felt relt both really sorry for him and in awe of him, because he's served God with his gift for that long. I could sense and hear the sadness in his voice as he spoke about it.

He talked about his wife as well, who's possibly going in for a serious operation that he's worried about. You could tell he loved her, and it made me think. We miss so much each day because we refuse to stop and talk to people. God has much to teach us through people, they were the best lessons he ever created. I hope I'm as interesting and inspiring when/if I get to his age.

He mentioned about being in the war, and some of the terrible things he saw. He talked about being sent out as a young soldier in a group of six, with a machine gun each and orders to scout out the area. How terrifying must that have been? He talked about missing the opportunity to go home early, because the guys in the Middle Eastern Front went home first. He went to lot's of different places in the world because of the war, and he told me about one area he went, where the locals didn't believe there was going to be a war. It was 1939, and they were wrong.

I felt I really connected with him today in some strange way, even though our lives and ages were so different, and I would have missed it if I hadn't taken the time to talk.

It reminded me today that all of us are made in the image of God, and no human being is disposable. Would I have been as courageous, standing against an injustice and being prepared to fight for freedom?

I'm glad our paths crossed today, although we didn't share anything else, we shared a connection as fellow human beings, and people who know a Saviour who stays with us in difficult times.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Yet another MSN Conversation....

Storm Clouds Gathering.... says:
i prefer * name* to be honest!
Storm Clouds Gathering.... says:
'Ali' as a pretend name is a bit masculine!
Ali says:
well good cos *name* that is my name!
Ali says:
Storm Clouds Gathering.... says:
an ur all woman ;) lol
Ali says:
well you might think that now wait until you meet me and hear my farts!!!

Another Actual MSN Conversation...

Storm Clouds Gathering.... says:
lol i noticed you put urself to busy to avoid "____" lol
Ali says:
yeah, well i actually put it to avoid you!!!
Ali says:
only jokin
Storm Clouds Gathering.... says:
lol fair enuff
Storm Clouds Gathering.... says:
id avoid me if I could but unfortunately im attached!

An Actual MSN Conversation:

(to put in context, SWAT is my freind's younger brother who is 11, I am Storm Clouds gathering)


what did you want to be when you was a kid?
Storm Clouds Gathering.... says:
er... a vicar lol
Storm Clouds Gathering.... says:
lol yeah when i was younger anyway... i guess cos my dad was lol
i was thinking something a little more adventerous
Storm Clouds Gathering.... says:
lol i guess so!
Storm Clouds Gathering.... says:
being a vicar's quite dangerous you know, tho u wudnt be allowed to carry a gun, except if you lived in america... ;)
Storm Clouds Gathering.... says:
remember all those old ladies armed with cups of tea and cake....

Some pics...

I took these when I went to Freshfields on my birthday, I really like them.

I haven't blogged about it, (it was more than a month ago now!) but I had a really good day if a little lonely. (i was on my own but it was a kind of self-imposed lonliness, I hadn't felt like being around people that day)

Hope you like them, there's something about seeing a bird in flight that is almost spiritual, like it frees you as you're watching it.



I can't speak, I'm laughing too much! I think I've just wet myself.... Ha ha ha hahaha ha ha hahaha!

Top 10 Rejection Lines

Given By Women
(and what they actually mean)

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")

9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one jurassic geezer.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

6. I've got a boyfriend (who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's).

5. I don't date men where I work. (Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)

4. It's not you, it's me. (It's not me, it's you.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)

...and the number 1 rejection line given by women (and what it actually means)

1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet. It's that male perspective thing)

In response ... The male perspective on the same issue

Top 10 Rejection Lines

Given By Men
(and what they actually mean)

10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.)

9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.)

6. I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.)

5. I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.)

4. It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.)

2. I'm celibate. (You're ugly.)

...and the number 1 rejection line given by men (and what it actually means)

1. Let's be friends. (You're unbelievably ugly.)

German Automotive Terms

  • INDICATORS Die Blinkenleiten Tickentocken
  • BONNET Pullknob und Knucklechoppen
  • EXHAUST Spitzenpoppenhangentuben
  • SPEEDOMETER Der Egobooster und Linenshooter
  • CLUTCH Die Kuplink mit achlippen und schaken
  • PUNCTURE Die Phlatt mit Bludymucken
  • LEARNER Die Twatten mit Elplate
  • WINDSCREEN WIPER Der flippenflappenmuckenschpredder
  • POWER BRAKES Der edbangeronvinschreen stoppenquick
  • GEAR LEVER Biggensticken fur Kangaroochoppen
  • FUEL GAUGE Der Walletemptyung Meter
  • BREATHALYSER Die Puffinter fur Pistenarsen
  • REAR VIEW MIRROR Der Yonkunter ist Tooklosan
  • SEAT BELT Der klunkenklikken frauleinstrapper
  • HEADLIGHTS Das Dippendontdazzelubasted
  • FOG WARNING Die Puttenklogdownan und dukkit
  • TRAFFIC JAM Die Bluddinmuckin Dammundblast
  • REAR SEAT Der Schpringentester
  • BACKFIRE Der Lowdenbangermekkenjumpen
  • ACCIDENT Das Bleedinkmess
  • NEAR ACCIDENT Der Phewn Near Schittenselfen
  • CYCLIST Der Peddallpushink Pilloken
  • SKID Die Bannanen Waltzen
  • DOUBLE WHITE LINES Overtaken and Krunchen

This made me giggle!!

I was researching on the net for some funny stuff for my radio show, and came across this and nearly wet myself.... I thought I would share it with you! hehe....

The Game of Romance

The scoring system

You go out to buy her flowers: +5
But return with beer: -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing: 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something: +5
You pummel it with a six iron: +10
It's her cat: -10

You stay by her side the entire party: 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a drinking buddy: -2
Named Tiffany: -4
Tiffany is a dancer: -6
Tiffany has implants: -8

You visit her parents: +1
You visit her parents and actually make conversation: +3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television: -3
And the television is off: -6
You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear: -6
And you didn't even go to college: -10
And it's not really your underwear: -15

You take her out to dinner: 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar: +10
Okay, it is a sports bar: -2
And it's all-you-can-eat night: -3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team: -10
You give her a gift: 0
You give her a gift, and it's a small appliance: -10
You give her a gift, and it's not a small appliance: +1
You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate: +2
You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months: +30
You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day: -10
With her credit card: -30
And whatever you bought is two sizes too big: -40

You forget to pick her up at the bus station: -25
Which is in Newark, New Jersey: -35
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast: -50

You have a few beers: -9
For every beer after three, -2
And miss curfew by an hour: -12
You get home at 3 a.m.: -20
You get home at 3 a.m. smelling of booze and cheap cigars: -30
And not wearing any pants: -40
Is that a tattoo? -200

You go see a comic: +2
He's crude and sexist: -2
You laugh: -5
You laugh too much: -10
She's not laughing: -15
You laugh harder: -25

You lose the directions on a trip: -4
You lose the directions and end up getting lost: -10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town: -15
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals: -25
She finds out you lied about having a black belt: -60

When she wants to talk, you listen, displaying a concerned expression: +20
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes: +5
You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the television: +10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep: -1

'Velvet Elvis' by Rob Bell...

This book is excellent for making you think. Rob is the Founding Pastor of Mars Hill church, in Grand Papids, Michigan, (according to the publishers "one of the fastest-growing churches in America", but I don't think from what I've read Rob would've thought of putting that in, he doesn't seem the 'numbers' type! ) and the idea of the book, according to it's author, is to "repaint" the Christian faith. He actually does a very good job, as rather than throwing out traditional Christianity, he re-imagines it, looking at ways in which we've traditionally mis-interpreted the words of Jesus using our western 21st century glasses, instead of looking at the 1st century eastern culture in which Jesus spoke.

Once you start looking at the Bible this way, it's hard to stop, and Jesus' message of the Kingdom of Heaven becomes even more radical than we would like to think. God's world is exactly that. It's His world, and He wants His Kingdom to be set up here, not in some faraway distant future-time. Rob reminds us that the Bible even ends in Revelation with God "coming down" to the earth to set up His Kingdom. Hell anbd Heaven are present realities to be avoided or created. Rather than greek ideas of eternity of the soul and matter being evil, Rob paints a more accurate picture of God in Jesus who's the God of the NOW, ('I AM' perhaps?) who works in our lives NOW, who's revealed in the Bible as actually the One who hates empty religion and religious observances if they're not done with the heart.

Rob poses a question about re-imagining the message of Jesus, the status of the Bible, not because it's trendy or because it's new, but because it's needed, and it's actually an ancient idea: communties of faith-full people who interpret their scriptures and doctrines about God through the way He acts in relationship to them. He presents many amazing insights of the way in which we have interpreted the bible in ways in which aren't neccesarily the best, because we don't make ourselves aware of the culture in which Jesus' stories and teachings were placed. Rob points out that Jesus lived and died as a Jew, and we need to be aware of the context in which he spoke.

He presents a powerful argument to see the Bible, not as an instruction manual, (the traditional evangelical view) but as narrative, the story of God's interaction with His people. (he makes a valid point about this: when was the last time you felt inspired by reading the designer's manual for a toaster!!)

The Bible has authority not because it is "etched in stone" as it were, but because it's stories resonate with our own. It's not important that it happennED, as much as that it happeNS. The stories tell of people's faith in and doubt of God, of their failings and victories, and of His character revealed by how He acts. He is the God of the Now.

He challenges us to see the hand of God as operating all over our world, and not limiting it to even our own religion, but seeing a bigger picture of the Saviour who died for all, and who reveals truth in all things. This is a bigger picture of the God who died for us, and I found it really encouraging that we don't have to be closed minded as Christians, but that we can see and recognize Truth for what it is, in lot's of things not neccesarily within Christianity.

He tackles lots of issues, and I could go into detail but I'd be here all night, (!) so I'll just end with a quote:

'...When those first Christians in Acts 15 came out of their meeting and announced their decision regarding the Gentiles, they said the strangest thing: "It seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us not to burden you with anything beyond the following requirements."

They are making a monumental decision in the history of Christianity , and the best they can say is that it seems like it is the best decision? It seems good to them and the Holy Spirit?

They don't claim to have an absolute word from God on the matter; they at best claim guidance from the Spirit of God, but they even hold that loosely.

What is so beautiful about the language in Acts 15 is that they make a decision, they step up, they take their responsibility seriously, they acknowledge a strong sense of God's leading, but they remain humble.

With their "seems", they leave room to admit they may not have nailed it perfectly the first time. They hold their action and God's action in healthy tension. They understand that they have action to take, but they also understand that God is at work as well. They don't take a passive route which is to do nothing, and assume that God will miraculously do it all. And they don't take a route based in human arrogance, which leaves no room for the leading and guiding of the Spirit of God.

What if we were to say about what we do, "It seems good to the Holy Spirit and to us"?

I love the sense of movement in these first Christians' language, like they are discovering things and making decisions, but there is this inherent assumption that they are on a journey. There is more ahead. And God is with them every step of the way.

They aren't done painting...'

I like that. :-)

He's got some good thoughts, go and buy the book!

This Last Week, I.....

  • went to Leeds for two days and helped to re-merchandise the latest shop in our chain to be re-fitted.
  • cried over a friend who's decided being a Christian isn't for them
  • managed to burn onto CD 600 of the songs I have on my computer to create 4 MP3 discs, and save me 8 gigs of hard drive space
  • went to church (which was today, and is in itself an amazing thing)
  • finished another book ('Velvet Elvis' by Rob Bell, I'll blog on it soon)
  • smoked a cigar for the first time out of curiosity and didn't like it
  • sang kareoke in a pub with my mate and we sang 'Losing My Religion' by R.E.M. and were easily the best of the night lol
  • slept in. twice! oops!
  • stayed up 'till 3 am chatting on msn
  • made an appointment to go for a coffee with my Pastor
  • started another book 'A New Kind Of Christian' by Brian D McLaren
  • got halfway through '13 Steps Down' by Ruth Rendell (another book!)
  • dusted off my electric and my amp and played it very loud with lot's of distortion and felt better for it afterwards
  • saw a homeless man in the pouring rain and cried because I couldn't do anything and didn't have any money on me
  • regretted a conversation I shouldn't have had
  • regretted an opportunity I didn't take
  • learnt that I'm not on my own
  • got bored in work because it was quiet
  • spilled a whole bag of chips and a halfpounder burger when I tripped over a paving slab and bruised my kneecap
  • spilt some milk but didn't cry
  • laughed so hard i nearly wet myself
  • ate a really hot curry
  • got really angry with someone
  • watched the films 'Vanilla Sky', 'The Ladykillers', and 'Along came Polly'
  • saw the sunrise
  • got soaked and looked like a drowned rat in the rain
  • looked where I shouldn't have
  • procrastinated about going to the gym. Twice!
  • lied once (that I can remember anyway...)
  • told the painful truth. once.
  • smiled at myself and how stupid I can be
  • mis-spelt/mis-typed 100's of words on msn
  • talked to a person about Jesus
  • blatantly avoided talking to a person about Jesus
  • thought bad of someone i shouldn't
  • wanted to swear loudly at a customer!

As you can see, it's been a busy week! Phew!


I realised today I've never linked Ike's vlog/blog even though I've been reading/watching it for months!! How rude of me!! My apologies Ike!

Go and browse all my freind's blogs who have more exciting lives than mine!! :p

I forgot to say.....

Two of my freinds now have a blog!!

My best freinds Genevieve (who's known me since I was about 18), and her husband Gaz (who's known me since I was 13) and are now both living in Cape Town, S.A. with their son (fantastic ball of energy and poo) David!! I miss them alot but it's good that I can read about them and find out what they're up to now!!

And my new freind Ali who likes her privacy and has an anonymous blog so I can't tell you anymore details!!

They're both in my list of links to the side of this post! ----->

(Genevieve will have lots of embarrassing stories about me if you ask nicely)


Saturday, October 01, 2005

Since Last Post....

Not original I know but hey! *shrugs*

Ok, so here was my week so far:

Reading, feeling ill, sniffling, playing guitar, feeling ill, more reading, chatting on msn, more reading.

Oh and last night I went to my brother's, (HWIM) for tea, and to play guitar for a while, and to watch a DVD. Didn't really wanna go, but was glad I did in the end, really enjoyed it. Dave's mate Jon came as well, I've been (supposedly) giving him guitar lessons for the past two weeks, tho what he can learn from me I'm not sure to be honest.

It's a bit embarrassing, just because I've been playing longer, they both look up to me as a guitarist, which is a bit strange, because I don't think I'm that good really. I used to be, but I haven't played properly in a band for well over a year now, and only play at home now when I'm bored, so I don't practice much anymore either.

Oh well, that's my exciting week.

Sunday, September 25, 2005


I'm feeling a bit schitzophrenic at the moment, so you'll have to forgive me.

After my recent post about following God like Hannah, in listening to my counsellor I've been trying to think positively, change my thinking habits etc. It's been quite hard, when you get into a pattern of thinking, it's strange to try and coax yourself into a different way.

I've been trying to be positive but still feel a bit strange in front of people, so have quit leading worship for a while. I didn't explain the exact reasons, but just said I'd been ill, and left it at that. I'd said I would come back to start taking part again in October, so that's next week.

I went to church this morning, and felt about the lonliest I have in a long time. Until now, I'd never noticed how brilliant my church is with families and kids. They're really good, which is great, but for single people like me, it's quite... I dunno I can't explain.

I love kids, and I act like a kid most of the time myself, but this morning at church I felt completely out of place. It's not that I begrudge people families and partners, of course I don't, and it's not that I'm jealous either, because I'm not. It's just when a group of your freinds are sitting around talking about babies and kids and school and family and partners, after a while, even though it's good things for them that they're talking about, after a while it gets to you.

Because I've always been leading up at the front most sundays, I've never really noticed before how family orientated church is, and how much I don't fit in. I guess it's because I'm normally so concentrated on the songs I've chosen, and the music and getting it right, and leading. But now that I'm in a situation that I'm not doing those things, I profoundly notice my singleness, my alone-ness. Rather than propel me to get back into worship leading however, it's actually made me question things. Is the only way I'm going to be accepted, if I "do things"?

I'm not saying that my church is wrong for the way it is, they're not. Their children's work is really good, and many families feel really welcome whether Christian or not, which is what you want in a church, but for me as a single person, it's quite hard. I realise that I've been using the fact that I lead to escape these feelings, to pretend they're not there. As I was sitting in church today, I didn't feel bitter or angry, just a profound sense of sadness that my life isn't what I thought it would be, that I don't have someone to share things that are important with.

I found this sense of sadness welling up in me at the end of the service, and quickly and quietly slipped out, before I thought I would burst into tears, I didn't want to have to explain that in front of everybody. It's a really strange feeling, I don't feel any more depressed than I already was, but there's a strange kind of deep sadness there that I didn't realise, almost as if I wasn't aware of my singleness 'till today. I don't think I want to go back tonight.

Friday, September 23, 2005


I'm also such a mean nasty brother that I've got my digital camera on the ready for some embarrassing photos aswell....


Hobbit The Host...

My sister's having a party tonight.

I've kindly volunteered to stay in as the older brother, to make sure none of her mates spew on the carpet......

I've donated my dvd player with surround speakers and subwoofer as the music player, and it's working very nicely, and VERY loud!!! :-)

With this awesome responisbility comes the added perk of stealing a few drinks. hehe.

I think if this party doesn't go well, we'll be able to open as an off licence tommorrow, I've never seen so much alchohol in my life before!!!!

The fridge is full.

This is either gonna be an enjoyable night or a nightmare, I hope it's the former.....


(I guarantee I'll have to clean up tommorrow... I guarantee it won't be my sis, you wait an see)

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

I Just Thought You Should Know....

I have VERY smelly farts today.

Man, they're bad.

I mean, like they're so bad they're keeping me awake after hardly any sleep.

I think a small rodent climbed up my backside in the two hours I was asleep last night, and died there.

Trust me, I can't overstate how bad it is.

I think I may need to call a priest or a rabbi soon....

Codename Stay Alert

I've had two hours sleep, and been up for 7 and a half hours now.

I'm getting tired.

Problem is, if I give in and go to sleep now, I won't sleep tonight....

Plenty of coffee will be consumed today....

Praise The Lord

...for Coffee!!

That's all I want to say.

There's Something very Strange...

about seeing the sunrise, and yet knowing had you been where you should have, you would have missed it.

Insomnia and Sex!!


I've been up for three and a half hours now, and it's only 6:30 am.

I went to bed last night at 12:30 am, after chatting on msn. (I wasn't tired but decided to go to bed anyway) Thankfully at the moment I'm still officially on holiday till the 28th, so I figured I'd be able to have a lie-in....


I went to sleep quite quickly, (usually it takes me half an hour) and then sat up wide awake what seemed an indeterminate time later. I looked at the clock, and it said 3:06am, so I'd only had 2 and a half hours sleep!! I tried to lie down again, but after half an hour of sleep evading me, I decided to go downstairs to watch some tv with the sound turned down low so as not to wake anyone else in the house up. I watched tv for an hour, and got a bit bored. I mean really, what quality of tv did I expect at 3 in the morning?! It was fascinating to note that half the channels I turned to were about sex. (We have Freeview, which gives us about 30 channels at home) Sex education programmes, sex problem solvers, porn review shows, docu-soap porn shows.... the list goes on and on. I guess if you're either a sex addict or a serial mastibator and based in the uk, tv at 3 am local time is the place to be.

Unfortunately or Fortunately, I'm neither of those things so I wasn't too intrigued. I ended up watching a docu-soap which involved sex (yep that word again!) counsellors trying to solve the various problems of couples whose passion flame had burned to embers, so to speak. I guess it was mildly interesting, but even if I was married and having problems, there is no way in God's Green earth I'd allow perfect strangers to set up a camera in my bedroom to record myself and my partners lovemaking so they could diagnose the problem!! (Don't worry viewers, it wasn't explicit) Well, as in all problems I guess, it had a very simple solution. The guy was a lazy toad who never got off his backside to do stuff for his wife in everyday things, so how he expected her to suddenly transform into his own personal sex slave brimming with desire for him by bedtime, I have no idea!! The show ended with both wife and husband very happy, and full to bursting with desire for each other. Good for them.

I don't mean to sound bitter, but it's a bit annoying and depressing to watch shows like that when it's practically the middle of the night, sitting by yourself in a quiet house! Rather than turn me on, (which I don't think it was intended to anyway) it actually turned me off! I'm not particularly known for my sexual exploits or experience, but even I could tell what was wrong with this couple, just from watching their daily routine. (and that was without the help of bedroom cameras)

To be honest, the older I get, the more confused about sex I get. When I have watched porn in the past (hey I'm not proud of it, but I am a 31 yr old single male, come on...) it's seemed very unrealistic and fake, and not at all like what I've experienced. Like I said, I'm not really very experienced in this area, although I lost my virginity at 22 to my first girlfreind who shortly after became my first fiancé, I can't say that a lot of sex went on, and I was always much more concerned about her needs than my own. She was very experienced and ended up almost teaching me things. Anyway, I don't particularly want to spill my guts here, or go into details, I'm not proud of the fact that after remaining celibate all the way through my teenage years and into my early twenties, the first girl that showed an interest in me I handed over something that should have been precious to me, simply because I was in love with her.

Like I said, Im not that experienced, so I may be a little off base here, but why do people portay sex so wrongly? Most of what I've seen in the past from stuff I shouldn't have watched has seemed more like a physical excercise of biological processes. It seems to me that society is obsessed with sex, but not so hot (if you'll forgive the pun!) on lovemaking. To me, sex has always been something I prefer not to do. It seems brutish and involves a lot of taking but not giving. Lovemaking, on the other hand, is what I believe God invented sex for.

Maybe it's my naivety, but I tend to think that pleasing your partner and honouring God at the same time are possible in a relationship. The ironic thing is, although everbody treats sex as if it's a physical act to get the most out of, it's what actually takes place in your heart as you become something other than your individual self that actually matters. Jesus himself stated that sex is an almost mystical process whereby two people start to become one. Rather than a physical act, it's actually at it's most powerful when it combines with a spiritual 'joining' of the two people engaged in it. That's why God says to save it for marriage, not because he's a spoilsport and doesn't want us to experience pleasure, but rather because He sees it as so important, that only in a stable, committed monogamous relationship will we experience the fullness of what God intended us to get out of it. In that sense 'making love' is much more than one act, it's actually a lifetime process between a woman and a man, who are working and loving together with God to become one person to be used by Him for good in the world.

Having said all that, one thing that did bother me, was the show thats recently been on, "No Sex Please, We're teenagers". I don't know if you saw it, but it basically followed a church youth group who were going through a course that encourages abstinence from sex. Ok, no problems there with the message for me as a Christian, the problem for me was the way they did it. To really push the point home, their Youth Workers and Pastor (who I'm sure are very hard working and dedicated people) took the group to america to see an abstinence roadshow with cheesy pop bands.

Again, I've no problem with the message, but trying to convince hormone laden teenagers not to have sex by giving them a silver ring seems to me to be a little unrealistic. We've all known times as Christians where we've been tempted to go that little bit further, and to me, whether you're wearing something on your finger or not, when the crunch time comes is not gonna stop or prevent it.

So much of what the church does today seems very shallow to me, knee jerk reactions to problems after they happen. If we teach our young people to live for God, to make up their own minds on issues of sexuality with God's help by showing them clearly what the Bible says... Surely that's better than trying to bribe them as if they haven't got a brain of their own with useless artifacts? Maybe I'm being a bit harsh here, but if I was a teenager in that group, I would have been offended that people don't take me seriously enough to ask about my struggles and talk about it, rather than encourage me to bury my head in the sand by buying a product thats about as much use as a chocolate teapot. Programs and iniatives and clever marketing slogans don't change people, real relationships with people who you trust do. That's how God's been working since the beginning of time, and He doesn't need any extra help from advertising agencies!! Sheeeesh guys when are we going to learn as the church? We can't replace biblical accountability relationships of close freinds with roadshows.

Speaking as someone who has made the mistake of giving away my virginity, I don't honestly think in that situation a silver ring would have stopped me, as I shut my own conscience out anyway. As with all things, God will use the mistakes in our lives for His Glory, but let's not in the panic to avert those mistakes, reduce Him down to a Divine Law Maker who's only interested in the things we do, not who we are as people. If we're seeking after Him, and trying to put Him first, that is what will stop us from making mistakes, not slogans.

Hmmmm.... Deep post today, guess that's what insomnia does to you!

Monday, September 19, 2005

The Panic Before The Storm!!

I was enjoying the second week of my holidays, lazily planning my day, when I got a phonecall that changed everything...

No, it wasn't one of those phonecalls that VJ talked about a few days ago thankfully, but it was one that turned my day upside down...

I got a call from my mate Ken, here's how the conversation went:
(as background, ken is one of the producers/presenters on a Christian radio Station I volunteer with twice a year. They've applied for a full time broadcasting lisence, but at the moment can only go on air twice a year in Sept/Oct and mar/Apr) For the last three years I've done a show with my best mate Baz, but as he became a dad last year, he's got a little busy lately!)

K: Hi Jm!
Jm: Hi ken, how are ya?
K: Ok thanks, just checking you're still ok for your show tommorrow?
Jm: (Long silence, then lot's of coughing)
K: You did remember we're on air this month didn't you?
Jm: (Lot's more coughing to hide his panic) Er... *cough* yeh... *cough* of course....!!
K: (laughing) For a minute there I thought you'd forgotten all about it!!
Jm: (very high nervous laugh) oh heheheehahoha... ha.... he.... ho... *coughs* er no of course not, I'd never forget my own show, don't be so silly! (voice is still very high and he suddenly realises it's gonna give him away) hahaheheheeheeehaa..... ha. (stops cos there's silence on the other end of the phone)
K: You did forget didn't you?
Jm: Er yeh, sorry. I'll get my music tracks ready today, I'm off so it's not a problem ken.
K: (laughing) You really are an idiot aren't you? (laughing)
Jm: that's why you gave me a show! (grins)
K: Fair enough, see you tommorrow, it's two hours, starting at 8pm ok?
Jm: (relieved it's not longer) Yeh no problem, see you tommorrow! (writing in diary to re-plan the next two nights completely)
K: (still laughing) ok see you tommorow.

So... there you go! I'm doing my show with one days notice! I obviously work well under pressure, because I got all the music ready this afternoon cued up and burnt onto a disc in order, and did it in three hours! Just gotta arrange the layout of my material now, but that shouldn't take long! Phew I'm so tired now! Working under pressure really knackers you!

At least it's done now.

I'm gonna go and have a lie down... lol.

Trusting God Like Hannah

I've been struggling for the past couple of months, ranting and raving and blaming God for the situations I find myself in at the moment, namely:

1. Being 31 and still single.
2. Having Multiple Schlerosis.
3. Struggling with depression and lonliness
4. Not having any sense of purpose anymore.

Tonight gave me a new perspective on things. One of our deacons was speaking on the passage where Jesus said "what shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul?".

But he took it from a different angle than usual. Instead of waffling on about the things we shud avoid to avoid losing our soul, he looked at it from the point of view of what will being a christian cost us? he said the answer was in Jesus words to "take up your cross and follow me".

It really spoke to me tonight, because as I said I've been struggling for a while on a couple of issues, and being very angry with God and refusing to live for Him, because I saw Him as being unfair, and not treating me right. Tonight made me realise that God never promised us an easy life, in fact he promised us being a christian would not be easy, far from it! Jesus himself said that in this world, we would have trouble, but not just the ordinary kind that every other person has, but the kind that would come BECAUSE we follow Him! The only thing He guaranteed in fact was that he would be with us in this journey, and never leave us.

I've been struggling for a while since a fairly recent relationship breakup that was totally my fault because I rushed things. Through a very good freind at church, I've come to realise that marriage/kids and finding a partner is my number one desire in life, above everything. It's what I think about every day I wake up, and when I drop off to sleep at night. Now there's nothing wrong with that desire, because it's God given, but there is something wrong when I try and rush through and not wait on God's timing.

My problem is that because I've got this disease, it's so affected my thinking that I feel the need to rush and fit things in, in my life "before it's too late". It's the kind of thinking that makes me become intense in everything I do, or get involved in, and hence rush, and throw myself into. Throught talking wqith my freind Colin, I've realised this week how much this attitude has affected me, and everything I do. I've seen people who have MS further down the line in their diagnosis, and mentally, I think without realising that affected me, because I worry on a subconscious level about how much time/good health I do actually have left. The truth is, nobody knows, not even the doctors.

I'm very lucky, in that I've got some good freindships, that I've taken for granted because I was too busy bitching about how lonely and "incomplete" I was without a partner. I was bitter at God for giving me the life that I have that I saw as miserable and unfulfilled.

The thing is, what I most want, (marriage/kids etc) is actually a good thing to want, but it has to be in God's plan. I've undervalued the freindships I have with a few girls in church, because I was looking at them as "potential partners", rather than people God had put in my life to encourage me and build me up, but even more, as people that I could give encouragement too. So much advice about relationships today is about getting the best out of your partner, but not alot is about giving. I've suddenly realised this week, that the freindships I do have with women, God has put there for me to give to, NOT take. I have an opportunity to show them what a man directed by God can be like, as a strength and a support to them, not as someone whos chasing them for what he can get out of it.

Taking up my cross for me, means being a good freind, and not emotionally taking advantage of people for what I can get. What i really really want, will come in time, but I HAVE to wait for it. Hannah in the bible more than anything in her life, wanted to be a mother, and she spent many many times in front of God pleading and crying for her greatest wish to come true, but it only did so, when she gave it over to God and let Him have control. That's something I'm learning that I have to start doing. Not because I think it's gonna happen then, but in spite of it!

It's really difficult to lay your heart before God, your deepest feelings and trust Him with it. It's not something I find easy, but it's something that He requires of us. He wants our whole heart, not just the bits we think we can afford to give Him. It's been a tough lesson for me to learn, and has involved lot's of heartache for me over the last few months, but I think I'm starting to grasp what letting go means.

I don't know how much time in terms of good health I've got left, whether it's lots or hardly any, but I have to trust that God knows what He's doing. It's my cross to bear, and it's nothing compared with what He paid for me. I have to learn to give it all over to Him and let Him worry about it. If there is someone out there for me, she's certainly not gonna go for me if I'm phsychotically searching for her, and have been through a long string of wrecked freindships to get there! Think about it: If I can't have a solid freindship with a girl, how can I expect to have one with my future wife?!

A verse in Song Of Songs says "do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires", and until now I always thought that was simply talking about sex and a warning against getting involved too physically too quickly; I've since realised it goes deeper than that. God is the rightful owner of our hearts, and we should only give them to someone when He shows us the right person. That doesn't mean we should be heartless and not compassionate and loving with people, but it does mean we should hold back when thinking about "potentials". Love as the verse says, is not something to be messed around with, or entered into lightly, no matter how small the beginnings. Being attracted to someone is not a reason to go out with them!

This has been quite difficult for me to realise, but I hope that from now on, the new insights I've gained will help to make me a better follower of Jesus, and hopefully at the same time, a better man, and a better support to my sisters in Christ.

Sermon over! I've found this useful to type out as I've been thinking... what do people think?