Thursday, December 30, 2004

Bora Dah and Dioch an Fawr to the New Year!!!

To those of you who are welsh-speakers, I profusely apologise for my apalling mis-spelling of your language...

(it's meant to say "Good Morning and Thankyou" but probably means something like "begone piggish left-hander"... *shrugs*)

Just to say... I'll be welcoming the New year in, at my friends home in Bala, North Wales! I travel down tommorrow after work.. (it's only an hour on the train to Wrecsam)

I'm very very excited... The last two New Year's Eve's have been very boring and lonely, so this is FAB!!!! :-)

Thank you (or should I say Dioch an Fawr) to Adele and her family for inviting me!!!

I've been told to bring wellies for the mud, tho I reckon it's for the old "custard in the wellies" game knowing Adele... Also was told to bring a towel, so guess that means I have to wash while I'm there... (well I spose it is nearly a new year)

There'll be lots of laughs, and I think by New Years Day morning, they'll have regretted inviting the Short Scouse One... Muhahaha!!!!

Much frivolity will be shared, and many pictures as evidence of this will be taken...

I can't wait!!


Our front room... Not a very good pic, but you can just about see our posh table decorated for when we all ate round it on Christmas day and Boxing day. If you look carefully you can see the Mahogany Dado (is that you spell it??!) Rail all the way round the room at shoulder height-ish, and my mum's big mirror that she bought last year for this room... Looks very elegant I think... Our lovely fireplace and mum's ornaments cupboard in the corner as well. (she'd kill me if she knew I'd taken this without letting her polish everything first... lol)

Posted by Hello


Today is a significant moment in the history of me...

I got my digital camera, an it's fab!!! :-)

From this day onwards, I shall be posting more pics, more often, with more detail than ever before!!

To prove this, I shall go mad with some useless pics of the house that I and my family share...


i think i may have mastered the "one handed takin a pic of yourself" approach... shame I can't edit an airbrush tho...

Posted by Hello

taking a pic of urself with a new digital camera when you can't see what ur doing isn't as easy as it sounds...

Posted by Hello

Monday, December 27, 2004


It occurred to me, while I was sitting in MacDonalds, that we've become a very judgemental society as a whole, and we like to keep in our own little groups, anything or anyone that threatens those groups, becomes the outcast, or the outsider.

The lad who I went to the cinema with, is 19 today. He has the mental age of a ten year old most of the time, but it varies. He knows how to laugh, and you can immediately tell when he's happy about something, a big grin splits his face in two!! :-)

The thing is, people label him as "learning disability", so much so that he told me once that is what he's "got". It seems to me, that if you keep telling someone they're something, then, in sone senses, they'll begin to believe it.

I find it funny that because you wear certain clothes, act a certain way, or say certain things, even speak with a certain accent, people immmediately feel they have the right to decide who you are as a person, as if there's no such thing as an individual, there's only "this type" or "that type". In life, I think we like to put people and things into boxes because they're easier to deal with in our own minds.

Hmmm I'm thinking deeply tonight... wonder why?


I took one of my ex-sunday school kids to the cinema today, and while I had a good laugh at the film, ("Christmas With The Cranks" - very childish! lol) I got a load of abuse afterwards walking to MacDonalds...

Aload of lads drove past and because of my fur lined white coat, hurled a load of abuse at me, saying I was a transexual. I hate it when ppl call me stuff like that, since when did the coat you wear determine who you choose to sleep with???

It's pathetic.

I'm in a bad mood now...

No wonder I haven't got a girlfriend if that's really what people think when they see me...



I got £100 quid as a gift.

I need a digital camera, I'm not a brilliant photographer or anything, jus so I can keep pics I take and sometimes maybe post them...

I've seen one at Argos reduced from £149 to £74.99, looks quite a good offer...

It's not the best make, but it does have optical as well as digital zoom!


Need to think....

That's a lot of money to me!!

I am Mario - YAY!!! :-)

What Video Game Character Are You? I am Mario.I am Mario.

I like to jump around, and would lead a fairly serene and aimless existence if it weren't for my friends always getting into trouble. I love to help out, even when it puts me at risk. I seem to make friends with people who just can't stay out of trouble. What Video Game Character Are You?

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Im bored today... can u tell?

Posted by Hello

my normal (ish!) face...

Posted by Hello

this is my tribal face... or constipated... whichever you prefer...

Posted by Hello

I like making thilly faces... this is my newest "boxing day and full" thilly face... hope you like it...

Posted by Hello

Family Stress...


It's that time of year again, where something as normal and as simple as a family meal turns out to be the worst mare you've ever had...

I just commited the unpardonable sin. My bro and I were moving the table, (it's one of these extendable posh things) and we'd put the glasses and dishes on a chair while we extended the table for my other bro and his wife who are coming for dinner...

Yes, you've guessed it.

While extending the table, I knocked the chair, and one of the glasses fell off the chair and broke into a zillion pieces on the floor.

Then ensued some raised voices, (it was a brand new set of very posh wine glasses) some tempers flaring, and me escaping to my room in guilt to try and make-up for my terrible mistake by writing about it, and hiding until my mother clams down.

She's the best mum in the world really, don't misunderstand. She just builds up the whole "family christmas" thing so that it's "perfect" and gets all the rest of us stressed to beyond reasonable, normal, safe levels.

Hence the stress.

Feel so guilty now, I think I should go and flagellate myself...

(please don't anyone leave sick comments... it's a metaphor!!)

Oh well, heightenened tension dinner calls, and this Judas has to go eat it and constantly comment on how wonderful it is....


Turkey, Turkey & More Turkey...


I love it.

Which is good, considering the amount I had yesterday!! Haven't blogged for a while, it was a relief to finish work on Christmas Eve, the week had been so stressful, with customers wanting things yesterday for presents, people queueing, old ladies wanting christmas cards reduced because it was christmas eve, young lads wanting me to choose a present for their grandma, and bear the awful responsibility if they didn't like it...

It was horrible.

Am Glad to be off, for a few days at least!!

I got a few presents I didn't expect, my mum went overboard as usual, and I feel guilty cos I only could afford one bottle of Chanel No 5, and that was her present.

I am a bit worried that people will think I've turned gay, cos my mum bought me a new white jacket, lined with fur inside. I actually really like it, but thats what worries me... lol

I got a pair of timberland boots, and lots of trendy t-shirts and shirts... so am feeling young and trendy now... YAY!!!!

Off to church in a mo... I'm leading this morning, dunno if I'm going to go tonite, we'll wait and see.

Got some money for christmas aswell, so am hoping to go to the sales tommorrow and get a digital camera cheapish... Then I can post loads of pics of my terribly interesting life on here!!!

Got to go... the traditional 'Boxing Day Bacon Butty' awaits me downstairs...


Monday, December 20, 2004

The Night before...

Tommorrow, I start a new treatment for my M.S.

For those of you who read my blog, you'll know I hardly ever talk about having M.S, part of that is physchologically, sometimes I don't want to acknowledge it, I don't want to give a name to this disease that is eating away (mildly at the moment, but maybe worse in the future) at my brain and spinal chord.

Tommorrow I start daily injections, administered by myself of a drug called Copaxone. This drug, could potentially reduce the possible future disability I may suffer. I mst admit, I have a deep sense of trepidation about tommorrow: to me there's something unatural about being taught to inject yourself, in effect to puncture yourself with a foreign substance daily. (those of you with piercings will think I'm being oversensitive I know!)

As I said though, to start daily injections, is to in one way admit this disease is happening in me, even in the times I feel "fine", the times when I look healthy and have energy. In fact, all the time.

Two incidents made me realise that I had to do something about my M.S.

One, is happening at the moment.

I have had a recurring symptom, happening every five or so minutes in a day, where I get a rush of dizziness down one side of my body, starting at the top of my head. What is more frightening, is that if I happen to be having a conversation during it, I ten to slur my words, or even stop, because I find it difficult for my mouth to form the words, and make a sound like "mmwwwwwmmmpphhhhh", which sounds funny, but is very frightening, if it's happening to you.

The other, is a silly little "moment" I had on the bus on the way into work. I was preparing to stand up to get off the bus, as it had reached my stop. Usually, when you think a thought, you start a process, and before the thought has left your consciousness, as it were, you have already performed the task. As I was thinking "I must get up now", I suddenly realised I was still sitting down, and had not moved.

To other people, this brief pause for the tiniest of mili-seconds might seem a bit dramatic, but to me, I was immediately aware that something wasn't right. My legs hadn't responded during the thought process, they'd "waited" until after I had finished making the thought.

As I said, to you this might not seem important, but to me it was a very frightening experience, as in a tiny way, I'd been reminded that i wasn't working completely right.

I hope that I can summon the strength tommorrow to overcome my fears and learn to inject myself. This new treatment could have a welath of positive outcomes long term for me, and I need to grasp hold of that as I think about tommorrow. I'm very very daunted.

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Carol Service... YAY!

It's our Carol Service at church tonight and I can't wait! (and there's only one carol going as far as I know)

It's quite traditional, which makes keeping up with the piano and violoins on the guitar quite a challennge, but definitely fun!! I'm singing in the service tonight, which I'm quite excited about, as it's one of my own songs. I feel like I'm part of the furniture of the service, because I sing almost every year, and try and write a new song every year.

Last year I got all the women in the church crying, because I wrote a lullaby based on what I thought Mary's feelings would have been, at her son's life, and when he died. I got to sing it with someone else, and it went really well. I've done slower songs for the service most years, so it'll be a bit different this year as the song I'm doing is a bit more up-tempo. I hope people find it helpful, we'll have to wait and see.

It's all done by candlelight, so I hope they've got a spare one for my words, as I haven't memorised them all yet!! That'll be fun, if I have to remember them!!

Oh well, have to go otherwise I'll be late...


Saturday, December 18, 2004

The Night After...

Well, last night was the Big Night Out to town, for my brother's birthday, which is on this coming Wednesday...

The words "Big Night" were right on two points:

  1. every woman seemed to be 2 foot taller than me, confirming my suspicions that I am in fact a small (yet charming!) freak of nature...
  2. a "lonnnnggggggggg night" to be precise: I waited in the rain and freezing cold for TWO AND A HALF HOURS for a taxi, eventually giving up at 2:30 a.m, and waking my Dad up to come and pick us up!! About 30 taxi's drove past the queue, even though we were at an official taxi rank, all because they wanted to pick people up on the other side of town!! (have you ever heard such a pathettic excuse?!)

    Unfortunately, I was in work today, so after getting to bed at 3 a.m, I had to get up FOUR HOURS LATER to go to work!!

    I was absolutely shattered today, everything was an effort, from making a coffee to serving customers... what a horrible sleep-depreived day... yeuch!

    So... the night out wasn't that great after all.

White Christmas...

Before you read this, I'd like to apologise to Nick, who's genius idea this was... I thought this was soooo funny that I would post it on here, but all the credit goes to you Nick!!

(you know who you are!)


Did you know the song "White Christmas" originally came from a list of people's names??

Here's the proof:

Emma Dreaming
Arthur White
Chris Muss
Jess Likedee
Juan Swee
Hugh Sterno
Wendy Treetops-Glisten
Anne Children
Liz Anne
"Two Ears" Laybelles
Cindy Snow
Emma Dreaming
Arthur White
Chris Musswit
Avery Crease
Miss Carr Dai Wright
Mayor Dazeby
Mary Anne Bright
Anna May Hall-York-Rhys
Mrs B. White

LOL LOL LOL Genius!! *dies laffin*

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Day Off...

I've spent most of it waiting in for my needle shipment to arrive for Tuesday's appointment at the Hospital...

Oh well, at least it's here now!!

Can get on with tidying and cooking now....

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Small Panic

I'm singing on Sunday night.

I woke up with a really sore throat this morning.


Being British (Pt II)


We invented Yorkshire Puddings

We invented Dumplings



Toast & Filter Coffee...

There's nothing better for breakfast.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Being British...

I've decided roughly translated means "being superior".

We're ahead of alot of countries in timing, we've lived today while you were still waiting for it. In fact you could say we're a "looking ahead" people. (in terms of GMT anyway)

  • We have chips, proper chips that are fat, greasy, satisfy, and taste lovely.
  • We have pies that are gorgeous.
  • We have mushy peas.
  • We have anti-gun laws for the general public.
  • We have police authorities that can work across boundaries and even with each other.
  • We have the SAS, who everyone thinks are great.
  • We have kebabs, steak, Chicken Tikka Masala (invented in britain!)
  • We have ColdPlay, The Beatles, Deff Leppard, Stone Roses, Starsailor, and thousands of others...
  • We're so great, TIME itself is measured by us.
  • We invented football. (the proper game, not the one where you wear loads of pads and use your hands, it has the word 'foot' in the title, remember??)
  • We're so great, Madonna moved here.
So there.

Should I go on?

Three Days To Go...

For those of you who don't know, it's Claire's birthday on the 16th! (just doing you a favour claire! lol)

If you want to wish her happy birthday on the 16th, visit her page to leave a message:

She'd particularly appreciate lots and lots of e-cards on the 16th, as she's had to hint to her friends. With a birthday so close to Christmas, she always misses out! Go on, do a good deed, send a stranger a birthday card!




  • I heard a customer use the word "howsyerfather" in a proper conversation... lol lol lol (they were at least 60 years old!)
  • I got asked by one of my pastors (who rang me at work) to sing at the candlelit carol service on sunday...
  • I had to lift 6 parcels of VERY heavy books...
  • I have been coughing most of the day, a really annoying 'tickly' cough aswell... :(
  • I decided what song to sing on Sunday, I wrote it a year ago, but haven't used it in public yet, even better it is a Christmas themed one...
  • I haven't had a filter coffee yet... (will rememdy that in a minute)
  • I have had some flatulence problems... :s
  • My dad walked into my room and commented "it smells" and walked out again... lol lol lol (see above comment)
  • I bought a Chilli Beef, AND a Cheese and Onion pastie for lunch... (maybe the cause of my above mentioned medical problem)
  • I put on my ripped jeans and white t-shirt after getting home from work... (in a slob/scruff mood)
  • I am listening to a very old album, 'People' by Hothouse Flowers...
  • I have decided to dye my hair back to blonde at the end of the month, as it is no longer purple, but a pathetic looking burgundy...
  • My brother bought a double bed for himself and put it together today while I was at work. (it was a flat pack, and looks ace, and I'm very jealous. lol)
  • I thought about people I know at least twice today while it was quiet in the shop... (I do that quite a lot actually!)
  • I got annoyed at Norton Internet for keep interupting me with security messages, and "did I want to allow messenger?" Duh.
Well, that's some parts of my day so far... and it's only 9:15!!

Sunday, December 12, 2004


I'm off to bed early.

I'm REALLY, REALLY tired...

Getting up at 6 yesterday nearly killed me! lol

Goodnight for now, this hobbit is taking a nap....

My MANLY, BUTCH... Cardigan!!!

I have one, and I wore it this weekend...

Please do not scoff, those of you that saw it agreed that it was not in any way feminine...

So there.

Shyness... AAARRGGGHH!!!!!

I really enjoyed my time in Wales...

Except for the first hour or so. My nerves got the better of me, and I clammed up and went shy!

I HATE IT when I do that!!

I sat there for twenty minutes or more saying very little and letting them do the talking. I must have looked a right freak, coming down, and then not saying a word! I guess it came across as being ignorant, or even worse, dislike. It wasn't, I just clammed up. :(

On a positive note, I WAS THE MURDERER!!!


lol when I got near the end of the script, I was really shocked to find it was me, the Revd!

I had to lie through my teeth towards the end, which I found surprisingly easy!

(lol if you're facing a ficticious jail sentence I spose it's allowed! lol)

All in all, a great time. I'm glad I went. And the best thing is, none of them were freaks... except me...

Oh well.

See if I get invited back!!

Oh, btw....

Angie's cats are gorgeous, and VERY friendly.

I want a cat now, but mum is allergic to them so we can't. :(

Friday, December 10, 2004

A night in the Far East...

tommorrow, I am going to be in the Far East...

I am an american missionary called Rev Spooner, and I hate organized crime...

Actually, I'll be in Caerphily... lol I'll let you know how I get on... ;)

It'll be wierd to meet up with people I chat online too... hope I'm not a dissapointment in real life!!

Should be a good laugh tho... lol

Thursday, December 09, 2004

The Problem Of being short... (revisited)

It usually doesn't bother me, but tonight I am really fed up.

I got 5 pairs of new jeans in the summer, and only just found them again brand new and unworn in my wardrobe a few days ago. I'd forgotten about them, you see.

Anyway, I dropped them into a taylors to get them altered to my usual 27 inch inside leg. Problem is, when I got them back tonight, they're STILL too long, 'cos I didn't try them on, and forgot to take into account that they're a little bit baggier then my other jeans, hence the crotch is a bit further down.

For those of you uniniated with altering, this means that my jeans are still 3 INCHES too long!!! AAARRGGGHH!!!!! So, £17.50 was wasted, as I have to take them back tommorrow to get re-altered to 24 inch inside leg, because they're baggy style...


Really, really annoyed 'cos was gonna wear one of them to angies, but will have to wear my bog standard old faded ones now...


Oh dear.....

Look at the following site, if you think Pat Robertson was scary before, look at these quotes!!!

(It is a bit biased since it's from an atheist site, but what he has gone on record as saying, even for me a Christian, is VERY scary!!)

lol I think he's more interested in political power than following Jesus...

Scary. *shudders*

Horlicks Knock Out

I'm tired and want to sleep...

There's only one thing for it, I'll have to have a pint of Horlicks.



Just snapped my brand new High E string trying to fit the stupid thing...


Will have to buy another one now...

Anyone got a '9 spare??


Wednesday, December 08, 2004


How quickly a week passes! I'm having yet another long day again tommorrow, working late till 7:30!

Was really busy in the shop today, felt like I was chasing my backside all day.

On a happier note, I've convinced my sis to start a blog! Don't know the address yet, but will let you know when I find out!! Maybe her first post can be "Questions to ask me about my incredibly handsome, famous, and successful brother"...

Maybe not.

I also bought some new strings for my electric and have to re-fit them, but dunno if i can be bothered, 'cos the Tremelo Locking System makes it a pain in the bum to do... Oh well, guess it needs doing sometime... *gets allenkey out*

Will be back in a bit and let you know how I got on..! ;) lol

Insomnia Strikes Again...

*deep sigh*

I've got to get up in 6 hours...

*shakes head sorrowfully*


N.B. Engagement (Pt II)

P.S, not to wish sympathy on myself... (please no! lol)


when I said "it didn't work out"

what I meant was, "they both decided they didnt want it to work out for them, so made it work out with someone else, behind my back"

If you get my drift...


Tuesday, December 07, 2004

N.B. "Engagement"

In comment 3 of the list below, the background is that I've been engaged TWICE in the last eight years, and neither worked out; not that I got enagaged to two girls at the same time!!

Just thought I'd clarify, there are some very wierd blokes out there...



Why I am unelligable...

  1. I am VERY short. (women like men who are taller than them to have a sense of security, even if they don't admit it)
  2. I am almost penniless, and VERY poor. (again, women want security, a guy with no money is not a good choice, first dates will be cheap and nasty, he won't be able to pay for you, etc...)
  3. I sometimes do VERY stupid spontaneous things that are embarrasing for people in my life. (spontaneously went and bought a homeless guy a Big Mac meal 'cos I'd walked past him once and God told me "go do it".. lol I speak to people who smell usually quite alot, and know one homeless guy quite well who looks a bit dodgy... lol Also, I proposed on two separate occasions to my gf's at different times, in a: a restaurant on holiday, and got the waitress to "serve" the ring as a desert, and b. at a party in front of all her best friends!! lol needless to say, neither worked out.)
  4. I sometimes can appear VERY pious, even tho I'm not really. (e.g. comment above.. lol)
  5. I am VERY sensitive. I cry alot. (ok, maybe alot was an overstatement, but I do cry at emotional things in films an stuff, it makes girls think I'm gay, even though I'm not)
  6. I talk about God ALOT. (this may not seem a bad thing, and to me it ain't, but to some girls, it was!!)
  7. I have NO ambition. (seriously, I really don't. loads of money, big cars, big house etc, really doesn't interest me)
  8. I am a little bit NAIVE. (sometimes I'm too trusting, even with perfect strangers)
  9. I am an Introverted Extrovert. (In otherwords I'm actually really painfully shy, but play the idiot and make people laugh to cover my own insecurity)
  10. (I am both of these, which can equally be a problem:) VERY SILLY and, VERY SERIOUS.

I've got LOADS more reasons, but that will do for now...

Why I am Glad I am a Batchelor

Im not usually, usually I'm depressed.

But tonight, I call a rallying cry to all those "singletons" who are male..

My list of why I am PROUD:

  1. I get to sit around in my boxies, playing on my playstation with NO interruptions
  2. I have just had my tea: at 8 o'clock!
  3. My tea was scrambled egg eaten from the microwave bowl it was cooked in, with a Mr. Kipling Apple Crumble on a plate next to it.
  4. I can drink LOTS of coffee and not get told off, and leave the percolator on, boiling away nicely for the next mug full
  5. I can play LOUD Raucous, Agressive Rock Music
  6. I can leave shaving for a few days, until it gets really itchy
  7. I can have a purple and white mohican... :-)
  8. I can watch as many horror movies as I want, and LAFF at the people who get scared by them
  9. I can produce as many smells of ominous origins as I want
  10. I can belch as loudly as I want
And that dear friends... is my Top Ten.

(I've got to hurry up and finish blogging 'cos mum is coming home and I promised I'd cook the tea and wash up and do the ironing...)


Monday, December 06, 2004

the top view in a bad web cam...

Posted by Hello

see... it's not that bad!!

Posted by Hello

My Haircut

For those of you who don't know, my purple and white spiky hair has turned into a solitary purple and white mohican.

This has caused quite a sensation this week, for some bizzarre reason:

At Church:

After the service I was surrounded by about ten elderly women, all wanting to stroke my hair, and saying things like "ooooooooh, isn't he lovely!". VERY embarrassing. I felt like a parrot.

If they'd have been about fifty years younger, I wouldn't have minded.

On another note, both my Pastors said if they had enough hair between them, they'd go and get it done... lol lol lol

At Work:

  1. My Boss frowned, and said nothing. Later, he smiled. (HAH! YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING NOW, IT'S TOO LATE!! MUHAHAHA!!!)
  2. Various comments from customers: "hasn't children in need finished yet?", "WOW!", "What's his name, I'll get him later!", (one customer after being speechless) "Er.... Er... That's Er... nice." lol lol lol
  3. Someone telling me that "you can't be a Christian and have that haircut"... (I forgot my manners and burst out laughing!!) :-)
All in all, it's definitely been worth it! I am actually really shy, but it has been funny to see people's reactions!! :-) I scared myself the first time I looked in the mirror, lol, but I like it now!

Hurrah for the Mohican!

My Calling At Last!!

I'm going to angie's on Saturday to play a mad vicar, with a dog collar an everyfin...

I'm going to luuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrve it!!


Waiting for Dial Up...

Posted by Hello

Lol I saw this and it made me laff alot... sorry for any Rooney fans out there!!

Posted by Hello

Friday, December 03, 2004

Pic Info:

In the pic below I'm the one bottom left in the purplely t-shirt. Mum is in the black dress, dad the rabbi-looking gentleman! lol.

My nan (she's now not with us unfortunately but was a christian... yay!) is on the left of the pic, sitting next to my mum. My auntie Eileen, is on the right of the picture, sitting next to my sisiter, Ruth. Peter is sitting next to me, and david next to him. (my brothers) lol we all look completely different now, but it's funny to put this foto up!!

I haven't really aged in my looks in 14 years at all, but everyone else has!! ha ha!!

This is an OLD picture of my family. I was about 16 in the picture then, so it must have been taken about 14 years ago...

Posted by Hello

I was definitely a nerd. Getting contact lenses was the best thing I ever did. This is me at age 7/8, looking serious and pensive... lol

Posted by Hello

Another photo from my past... Guess which one is me? (lol here's a clue - top row, far left, looking 1 foot next to my primary teacher, lol lol lol)

Posted by Hello

That's Deep Maaaannnnnn....

I've just had a moment of self-realisation, and it scared me to death.

I AM Frodo!!

I'm battling against the power of an evil ring.

In my case, it's the two engagement rings I have sitting on my shelf, reminders of failure in love.

I never should have asked for the darn things back.

Maybe it's not just 'cos I'm short I call myself "hobbit" online.


That's just scary.


I've just written in finger picking guitar chords how I feel!

I love the guitar!

You can express so much stuff through music, sometimes even without lyrics...

Feel a bit better now.

...and I love my guitar!

Night in.

I know what I said last night about wanting to withdraw a lot, but tonight I'm truly fed-up about being in.

The honest truth is that I don't really have any good friends as such, and don't have the money to go out even if I did. So, as usual, I'm stuck in on my own in my room, typing these entries to give me something to do. Two years ago, I'd be at my fiance's for tea with her family. Oh how things change. Life seems to have got generally worse and more lonely in the last two years, even though I'm over her.

This will sound really depressing to people reading it. But it is the truth. I'm that low at the moment, I'm afraid that when I meet up with Angie/Jayney and others a week on Saturday, if they ask me to talk about myself, I'll just sit there blankly and look like a freak. I won't know what to say.

That's really bad isn't it?!



Was a bit of a strange day. It was busy in the shop, then deadly quiet, then busy, then quiet and so on every hour till about 7. Then it really did go completely dead! It meant I got up to date with all the parcels though, which means I'll have less to do tommorrow morning, which is GOOD news!!

I'm in all weekend, including Saturday, which is a bit depressing, but never mind. Tommorrow night I've got to choose songs for Sunday, as I'm leading in the evening service. Just looked on the rota, and it's Communion, so will have to remember that, and choose an extra song. (with me it's not very scientific how I choose songs, but about 80% of the time I get it right, and God chooses to bless them on the night, so I can't complain!!)

Anyways, better be off to bed, have had my Horlicks and I have ten mins of reading before I hit the sack!


Thursday, December 02, 2004

Mellow but not Yellow...

Well, I finished work. wasn't that bad actually, although I am tired.

I'm in a mellow mood tonight, listening to lot's of quiet stuff on the pooter. (I also have recorded most of my fave CD's onto my pc's hard drive like Lozza has) I really like coming home and relaxing after a hard day at work, chillin to some quiet music, while I blog or surf the net.

Technically, there are people I could ring up, although I wouldn't call them best friends, but I can't be bothered! I'm a bit afraid I'm becoming a bit too self-centred, as all I seem to want to do is spend time on my own, ALL the time! I think it's because it's the only way I can cope with losing my two best friends at the moment; I cope by withdrawing. Wierd, I know, but definitely part of the Jm personality, I tend to do it alot, sort of like a mental/emotional withdrawal when things get difficult. I'm not too depressed at the moment, just peaceful and quiet. I'm aware of God with me in moods like this, I'm grateful that they bring some sanity and perspective back to my largely uneventful life.

On another note...

I'm going to meet up with Angie (for those of you who know who she is) and a whole host of others I chat to online but have never actually met in real life, next saturday!! (the 11th) for a Murder Mystery Weekend at her house, which sounds lot's and lot's of fun!! I'll even get to do a bit of acting, which sounds fun!! I'm a tad nervous, as there'll be lot's of people I've not met before, and I'm the nervous and shy type till I get to know people, but I guess I'll have to act the idiot until I feel confident... (some of you may be unsurprised to hear I'm good at that! lol)

Hmmm... time for coffee.

Loonggggggggg Day...

It's definitely going to be today.

In work till 7:30, please think of me amidst the crazed shoppers...

Will write later.

*goes off thinking about God singing "Nobody Does It Better*

lol Jonny lol

The end of a day...

And I'm tired, and fed-up.

The shop is starting to get very busy now, and to make it worse, tommorrow I'm in from 8:30 am till 7:30 pm, 'cos it's Late Night Shopping. Deep Joy.

This means I won't get home till 8:00/8:30 tommorrow night.

At least it makes the days go quicker I spose. I know that sounds really depressing, but I don't get as exzcited about Christmas now as much as I used to. This will be my second Christmas being single, and my first without Gaz, Gen and little David. It's nearly two years since I became one of "the single" again, and although I'm used to it now, I don't particularly like it.

When you have someone to buy things for, Christmas takes on new meaning, as you find joy bringing joy to someone else. Without that, it's very easy to lose the whole meaning, and bitterly wait out the "happy-go-lucky" season, reliving past hurts and regrets, until the midnight chimes of New Year herald a potential new start.

Oh God, I hope you know what You're doing with my life, 'cos sometimes I feel it's such a lonely mess, only making sense to ou, who can see the beginning from the end. In some ways, it's not all bad; thankfully, I've got the past the stage of getting emotional now every time I see a couple, hand in hand, looking as if no one existed but the other person, and remembering back to when I thought I had that. But in rare moments of quiet, I find myself wondering "Where is she God?". I guess He has His own timing, until then, I've just got to wait. That's the hard part.

Well, now that I've thoroughly depressed myself, I'm off to bed to read.


Wednesday, December 01, 2004

I was cute when I had a tantrum wasn't I! ;)

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I was also a seventies child... (sheesh! look at that fringe! lol)

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