Insomnia and Sex!!

Hmmmm.

I've been up for three and a half hours now, and it's only 6:30 am.

I went to bed last night at 12:30 am, after chatting on msn. (I wasn't tired but decided to go to bed anyway) Thankfully at the moment I'm still officially on holiday till the 28th, so I figured I'd be able to have a lie-in....

Wrong.

I went to sleep quite quickly, (usually it takes me half an hour) and then sat up wide awake what seemed an indeterminate time later. I looked at the clock, and it said 3:06am, so I'd only had 2 and a half hours sleep!! I tried to lie down again, but after half an hour of sleep evading me, I decided to go downstairs to watch some tv with the sound turned down low so as not to wake anyone else in the house up. I watched tv for an hour, and got a bit bored. I mean really, what quality of tv did I expect at 3 in the morning?! It was fascinating to note that half the channels I turned to were about sex. (We have Freeview, which gives us about 30 channels at home) Sex education programmes, sex problem solvers, porn review shows, docu-soap porn shows.... the list goes on and on. I guess if you're either a sex addict or a serial mastibator and based in the uk, tv at 3 am local time is the place to be.

Unfortunately or Fortunately, I'm neither of those things so I wasn't too intrigued. I ended up watching a docu-soap which involved sex (yep that word again!) counsellors trying to solve the various problems of couples whose passion flame had burned to embers, so to speak. I guess it was mildly interesting, but even if I was married and having problems, there is no way in God's Green earth I'd allow perfect strangers to set up a camera in my bedroom to record myself and my partners lovemaking so they could diagnose the problem!! (Don't worry viewers, it wasn't explicit) Well, as in all problems I guess, it had a very simple solution. The guy was a lazy toad who never got off his backside to do stuff for his wife in everyday things, so how he expected her to suddenly transform into his own personal sex slave brimming with desire for him by bedtime, I have no idea!! The show ended with both wife and husband very happy, and full to bursting with desire for each other. Good for them.

I don't mean to sound bitter, but it's a bit annoying and depressing to watch shows like that when it's practically the middle of the night, sitting by yourself in a quiet house! Rather than turn me on, (which I don't think it was intended to anyway) it actually turned me off! I'm not particularly known for my sexual exploits or experience, but even I could tell what was wrong with this couple, just from watching their daily routine. (and that was without the help of bedroom cameras)

To be honest, the older I get, the more confused about sex I get. When I have watched porn in the past (hey I'm not proud of it, but I am a 31 yr old single male, come on...) it's seemed very unrealistic and fake, and not at all like what I've experienced. Like I said, I'm not really very experienced in this area, although I lost my virginity at 22 to my first girlfreind who shortly after became my first fiancé, I can't say that a lot of sex went on, and I was always much more concerned about her needs than my own. She was very experienced and ended up almost teaching me things. Anyway, I don't particularly want to spill my guts here, or go into details, I'm not proud of the fact that after remaining celibate all the way through my teenage years and into my early twenties, the first girl that showed an interest in me I handed over something that should have been precious to me, simply because I was in love with her.

Like I said, Im not that experienced, so I may be a little off base here, but why do people portay sex so wrongly? Most of what I've seen in the past from stuff I shouldn't have watched has seemed more like a physical excercise of biological processes. It seems to me that society is obsessed with sex, but not so hot (if you'll forgive the pun!) on lovemaking. To me, sex has always been something I prefer not to do. It seems brutish and involves a lot of taking but not giving. Lovemaking, on the other hand, is what I believe God invented sex for.

Maybe it's my naivety, but I tend to think that pleasing your partner and honouring God at the same time are possible in a relationship. The ironic thing is, although everbody treats sex as if it's a physical act to get the most out of, it's what actually takes place in your heart as you become something other than your individual self that actually matters. Jesus himself stated that sex is an almost mystical process whereby two people start to become one. Rather than a physical act, it's actually at it's most powerful when it combines with a spiritual 'joining' of the two people engaged in it. That's why God says to save it for marriage, not because he's a spoilsport and doesn't want us to experience pleasure, but rather because He sees it as so important, that only in a stable, committed monogamous relationship will we experience the fullness of what God intended us to get out of it. In that sense 'making love' is much more than one act, it's actually a lifetime process between a woman and a man, who are working and loving together with God to become one person to be used by Him for good in the world.

Having said all that, one thing that did bother me, was the show thats recently been on, "No Sex Please, We're teenagers". I don't know if you saw it, but it basically followed a church youth group who were going through a course that encourages abstinence from sex. Ok, no problems there with the message for me as a Christian, the problem for me was the way they did it. To really push the point home, their Youth Workers and Pastor (who I'm sure are very hard working and dedicated people) took the group to america to see an abstinence roadshow with cheesy pop bands.

Again, I've no problem with the message, but trying to convince hormone laden teenagers not to have sex by giving them a silver ring seems to me to be a little unrealistic. We've all known times as Christians where we've been tempted to go that little bit further, and to me, whether you're wearing something on your finger or not, when the crunch time comes is not gonna stop or prevent it.

So much of what the church does today seems very shallow to me, knee jerk reactions to problems after they happen. If we teach our young people to live for God, to make up their own minds on issues of sexuality with God's help by showing them clearly what the Bible says... Surely that's better than trying to bribe them as if they haven't got a brain of their own with useless artifacts? Maybe I'm being a bit harsh here, but if I was a teenager in that group, I would have been offended that people don't take me seriously enough to ask about my struggles and talk about it, rather than encourage me to bury my head in the sand by buying a product thats about as much use as a chocolate teapot. Programs and iniatives and clever marketing slogans don't change people, real relationships with people who you trust do. That's how God's been working since the beginning of time, and He doesn't need any extra help from advertising agencies!! Sheeeesh guys when are we going to learn as the church? We can't replace biblical accountability relationships of close freinds with roadshows.

Speaking as someone who has made the mistake of giving away my virginity, I don't honestly think in that situation a silver ring would have stopped me, as I shut my own conscience out anyway. As with all things, God will use the mistakes in our lives for His Glory, but let's not in the panic to avert those mistakes, reduce Him down to a Divine Law Maker who's only interested in the things we do, not who we are as people. If we're seeking after Him, and trying to put Him first, that is what will stop us from making mistakes, not slogans.

Hmmmm.... Deep post today, guess that's what insomnia does to you!