That Monday Morning Feeling...

12 July 2004
Time: 08:06:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Music: None, too unhappy

I've got this worried feeling this morning... like something's gonna happen that's really bad, and I just can't remember what it is...

Oh yeh, that's it, I'm going back to work today after a week off. Poo.

Eeyore has nothing on me, when I contemplate the thought of going to work today, all sorts of depressive and chokingly negative thoughts surround me.

You just dont understand how bad it is...

When I walk in to my Christian Bookshop, it's like walking into Narnia... People acting and living in completely different ways to the world outside that door... "Brilliant" I hear you say, Christians are supposed to be different! Don't we believe we should be "in the world but not of it"?

Well yes and no.

Should we be different just for the sake of being different, or is there a reason behind our difference?

I go to work everyday with the nagging feeling that no matter how many orders I take, orders I place, customers I serve, budgets I keep, etc etc, in the end I'm not really doing anything of any importance... To put it simply... what I do doesn't really matter, and I'm wasting my time...

My worst fear is that I'm unknowingly part of a great deception of Christians, making Jesus into a product you can buy and sell, turning the Son of God into an idea, something that can entertain and delight us as long as we let it into our lives...

I'm worried that I'm so busy selling Christian products that I miss knowing who Jesus really was... and is. I'm worried that in all the confusion, I miss out on something special. All the buying and selling and marketing of "Christian" things could be hiding the amazing, frightening and unbelievable Truth that is at the centre of the Universe...

God Loves us...

Not only that, He'd rather die than be without us.

More amazing, the whole gift of life is given to us so that we can come to know Him, who only wants to show us that love...

Don't get me wrong, in my job, I work with some great people, and I'm grateful for the job I have, I just have this nagging feeling all the time like a hammer in the back of my mind, telling me that I'm missing out on "it", whatever "it" is...

Maybe the feelings of inadequacy and empty purpose I struggle with are not to do with my job. Maybe what I'm feeling can be traced back to the Garden of Eden. Could it be I'm showing the traits of my father Adam, is my lostness, lonliness and frustration?

Maybe the emptiness I feel so keenly almost everyday in little and big ways, points to something else, a longing for "something more". Maybe it's a longing to know and be known by the one person who's ever loved me completely...

Jesus Christ.

I'm starting to welcome these feelings now. I'm starting to see that they could be pointing to the fact that what I'm longing for is something that's real, so real, that one day it's gonna take my breath away.

I wonder whether these feelings I have point to the fact that I'm nor finished yet, that my incomplete-ness will one day be complete.

I do struggle with all of this, but maybe that explains why I have this monday morning feeling on other days...

God isn't finished yet... I've just got to hang in there!!