BOBFOC
Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch. Nightclub and dating vernacular, and not gender specific. (Ack. JHB)
BUNDY
But Unfortunately Not Dead Yet. Nurses' and doctors receptionists' shorthand, but has many other applications elsewhere. I am informed that an extended version: TF-BUNDY (where the TF stands for 'Totally Fecked') is in routine use in at least one region of the UK. A further example of how dark humour is used to counter the darker aspects of human experience. (Ack DW)
BVA
Breathing Valuable Air. (ODSA) Apparently used in Los Angeles by nurses as a comment about less deserving patients. Amusing and highly efficient, and transferable to a wide variety of situations. (Ack KT)
CRAFT
Can't Remember A Fucking Thing. Used to describe a tedious training course or meeting, or one of those awful roadshow 'pep up the workers' presentations by the new CEO. Eg, "I'm so motivated since seeing the CRAFT presentation/being on the CRAFT course." (Ack Liam Speden)
Compulsive Use Of Acronyms. Not guilty....... There is the true story of the meeting that took place in a particular government office to discuss the effects of EMU. Some considerable time into the meeting it was discovered that half of the participants thought they were there to discuss the European Monetary Union, while the other half were thinking about Environmental Monitoring and Utilisation. (With thanks to Kevin Thomas.)
DILLIGAFF
Do I Look Like I Give A Flying Fig? (Polite version.) For when you're totally unconcerned at someone else's predicament (someone wants a cigarette break, or is late for your presentation). Also great for illustrating the 'apathetic worker' syndrome. Eg 'We have fifteen engineers, but fourteen of them are DILLIGAFFs.' (Acknowledgments to Dr Neale Roney.)
DRT
Dead Right There. (ODSA) Doctors and nurses shorthand acronym for a patient found dead at the scene.
DRTTTT
Dead Right There, There, There, and There. (ODSA) Nurses and doctors abbreviation, as DRT above, but used for pedestrian-train incidents. This outrageous acronym is an example of the human species' tendency to use humour when dealing with horrific trauma.
ESO
Equipment Superior to Operator. Coded acronym written on a work-order by a technician that means 'There's nothing wrong with this equipment - the problem is the owner.' See also PEBCAK, BDU, PICNIC, UBAD and DISFOB. (ack PM Christian)
ETAM
Everything To Attract Men. It was suggested to me a while ago that this is the origin of the ladies fashionwear chain name. I suspect it isn't, but it's an amusing acronym all the same - maybe someone out there knows the truth?
FINE
Fanatical, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. Alternative ironic acronym response to the universal question, 'How are you?.....' (Ack D Jenkins)
FLUF
Fat Little Ugly Fellow. Polite version. For a short boss with Napoleonic syndrome. (Ack D Harrison)
FOBIO
Frequently Outwitted By Inanimate Objects. Ideal for anyone struggling with one of those ridiculous picnic tables, or trying to remove the cellophane from a new CD, not to mention crisis situations caused by errant cars, computers, mobile phones, and the FOBIO challenge of them all - flat-pack self-assembly furniture.
GAK
God Alone Knows. Originally British First World War doctor's shorthand on a traumitised soldier's medical report for shell-shock or other nervous disorder (this prior to any official recognition of nervous condition resulting from months or years active service under fire and bombardment). Nowadays GAK serves as an incredulous reponse to any unfathomable question. See also NYDN.
GOFER
Genial Old Farts Enjoying Retirement. Super demographics acronym, allegedly originally seen on the back of a caravan touring Australia; now much used at retirement parties. Alternative meaning in similar context is Genial Old Fisherman Enjoying Recreation. (Ack LA)
Husband Is Village Idiot. Classic nurses' shorthand.
IBM
I Blame Microsoft. Specially for those who find it difficult to accept responsibility for their own actions, or more usually, inactivity. (Acknowledgments to Dr Neale Roney.) Alternatively and amusingly I've Been Moved (ack P Larson). And additionally these interpretations from the 1970's: I'm in Blue Material (referring to the standard IBM business suit), and I've Been to Manchester (referring to the supposed reluctance of IBM's American executives to travel into bandit country, i.e. more than three miles from central London (ack B Cavalot).
ID10T
Idiot. Not an acronym obviously but worthy of inclusion. The 'ID Ten T' code has been used by technical service people for years, and probably explains very well a large proportion of user-reported faults and queries. See also UBAD, ID10T, BDU, PEBCAK and PICNIC.
IPATTAP
Interrupt, Patronise, Argue, Threaten, Terminate, Apply Penalties. A less than ideal customer service process for dealing with complaints and dissatisfied customers - widely exhibited, especially by large organizations in the finance, insurance and telecoms sectors. The acronym is useful to remind all exponents of poor customer service how not to do it...
IRBIA
I'd Rather Be In Ambridge. You've seen people with that 'IRBIA' look on their face, when the real world is getting to be too much. When they'd rather be somewhere else, far away from the pressures of a particularly tedious meeting or training course. (Ambridge is the fictional and normally idyllic home to Radio 4's 'The Archers'.)
ISDN
Innovations Subscribers Don't Need. Amusing alternative interpretation of the abbreviation's original meaning: Integrated Services Digital Network, in other words a digital telephone line. Another alternative meaning: I Still Don't Know. (Ack Q Armitage) And another amusing meaning of ISDN: It Still Does Nothing. (Ack D McNally)
LADDER
Longitudinal And Directional Distance Extremity Reacher. Perhaps one of the silliest and most wonderful reverse acronyms ever to have been devised. (Ack M Rand)
LIFER
Lazy Ignorant Fool Expecting Retirement. One of the many amusing acronyms with miltary origins, with wider potential applications. The armed forces offer relatively short timescales by which staff can retire on a full pension, hence the expression to describe people who fail to make the most of their opportunities and efforts. The term has also been spotted in the education sector. (Ack DR)
MBF
Maximum Buggerance Factor. If something can go wrong then it almost certainly will do, so when planning anything always build in an MBF contingency. (Ack PK)
NCT
No Cretin There. Polite version. Written on delivery notes by drivers returning to base after finding nobody in to accept delivery of bathroom suite/5 tonnes of gravel/new photocopying machine, etc. (Ack B Johnson)
NORWICH
(k)Nickers Off Ready When I Come Home. As featured on countless thousands of wartime envelopes from the front-line, to sweethearts living with Mum and Dad back home. It's a wonder that the silent K survived in the word ..... Still, 'KORWICH' doesn't have quite the same ring. (See ITALY, SWALK and HOLLAND)
OSINTOT
Oh Shit I Never Thought Of That. Great for project management. (Thanks KT)
PBP
Proctodynia By Proxy. (ODSA) Highly amusing healthcare abbreviation to describe a condition suffered by clinical staff. Proctodynia is the medical term for rectal pain, so a patient/colleague who is very demanding/unreasonable is a pain in the arse for the other staff, causing them PBP. The PBP expression is therefore extremely transferable to all types of work, relationship and service situations. (ack ET)
PEBCAK
Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard. One of the great modern acronyms. Usage not restricted to the computer operators - apply to any situation where the human element contributes the weakest link. (ack Don Clark) See also PICNIC, UBAD, DISFOB, and the ID 10 T code.
PICNIC
Problem In Chair Not In Computer. Shorthand of IT technical support staff to describe 'confused' users. Sister acronym to PEBCAK (Ack D Chadwick) See also BDU, ID10T, UBAD, ESO and DISFOB.
POLARIS
Piss(ed) Off, Looking After Rockets In Submarines. Naval shorthand for enforced tedium or 'do not disturb', and adaptable for other specialised management responsibilities, eg; (looking after) Ramblers In Scotland, Railways In Stevenage, Robots In Siberia, etc. (Ack PF)
SAGA
Sending Ageing Grannies Abroad. Unlikely to be the origin of the SAGA holiday company name, but amusing nevertheless. Alternatively (Ack A Rudland) Sex And Games for the Aged. Alternatively (ack M Paget) Sex Always Gratefully Accepted.
SIG
Stroppy Ignorant Git. (ODSA). A good one for customer service training (ironic reference of course). Alternatively: Special Interest Group. (Ack B Keywood)
ST FAGOS
Sod This For A Game Of Soldiers. Saint Fagos - the Patron Saint of thankless tasks. When you next hear someone utter the oath, 'For the love of St Fagos...', while struggling with a pointless report or piece of daft analysis, you will know what they mean. Also St Fagoc - conkers instead of soldiers... (Ack T Beecroft)
SWAG
Scientific Wild Arsed Guess. This is ideal for those situations when someone can't bring themselves to come up with an opening estimate, even though they're the best placed person to do so. Great for encouraging technical/detailed/finisher people who might be uncomfortable with the vagueness of the start of the creative process. WAG = shortened less scientific form. (Ack. Don Clark)
THICK
Those Having Insufficient Cerebral Kinesis. Amusing, esoteric, and utterly non-politically correct term. If using this it's as well to understand exatly what it means to avoid being undone by someone bold enough to demand a proper explanation, so: in this context kinesis means broadly 'body activity', from the root Greek kinein, meaning to move. Cerebral of course relates to the brain and thinking, from Greek kara, meaning head, and later Latin cerebrum, meaning brain. (Ack F Guertler)
TLA
Three Letter Acronym. Of course.
TLAR
That Looks About Right. The TLAR standards - recognised all around the world - amusing and very important sounding Quality Assurance Standard acronym, ideal for giving humourous emphasis to sorts of issues relating to quality management and customer service. (Ack KH)
TOBASH
Take Out Back And SHoot. (ODSA) Superb nurses abbreviation shorthand for the worst patients. Commonly and covertly used in Los Angeles, and no doubt elsewhere. (Ack KT)
TWAIN
Technology Without An Interesting Name. 'TWAIN' is the de facto compliance interface standard for scanning devices, and the name of the group formed in 1992 (by vendors such as Adobe, Ricoh, Xerox and Kodak) with the purpose of developing and promoting the 'TWAIN Initiative'. TWAIN actually originated as as a metaphorical name - not an acronym - based on literal meaning of twain, which is 'two' or 'two things'. Inspiration for this came from the opening line of Rudyad Kipling's 1889 poem, Ballad Of East And West: "Oh, East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet." Considering that the technology is concerned with connecting two functions - that of driver and application - this seems perfectly logical. However, the clever folks at TWAIN decided to use the word in upper case (apparently to improve its distinctiveness), which contributed first to the belief that is was an acronym, and next to a competition to create an acronym root phrase retrospectively from the word (sponsored by who or what I don't know), with the result that many now believe the word came from the acronym and not vice-versa. The TWAIN group iteself acknowledges that the expression continues to haunt the standard. Incidentally the next lines of the poem are:
"...Till Earth and Sky stand presently at God's great Judgment Seat;
But there is neither East nor West, Border, nor Breed, nor Birth,
When two strong men stand face to face, tho' they come from the ends of the earth!"
(Ack. M Rosling)
UBAD
User Being A Dickhead. Another terrible yet highly amusing technical support insult, used to describe an inept customer. (Ack G Jones) See also BDU, DISFOB, PEBCAK, PICNIC, and ID10T.
UBI
Unexplained Beer Injury. (ODSA) Drunk, with injuries of unknown origin. Acronym from Nova Scotia orthopaedics nusing, and widely applicable elsewhere. (Ack KP)
UNIVAC
Unusually Nasty Infection; Vultures Are Circling. (ODSA) Wonderful dark humour self-explanatory healthcare acronym from orthopaedic nursing in Nova Scotia, Canada. (Ack KP)
VIOT
Village Idiot On Tour. Informal acronym used by London Transport staff to describe certain types of visitor to London, particularly those struggling to comprehend the Underground system and blaming everyone but themselves for their confusion. (Ack A Butler)
YAHOO
Yet Another Hierarchical Officious Oracle. Yahoo founders Yang and Filo maintain they only chose the YA (Yet Another) part of the acronym, and then opted for the word Yahoo when it leapt out of the dictionary at them, which I guess counts out one of the other possible interpretations: You Always Have Other Options. Remaining ones are: Yet Another Helpful Operation Origin and Yet Another Hypertext Online Organiser.
AGA
Acute Gravity Attack. (Patient fell over)
TUBE
Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination.
I really shouldn't be laughing at these, but I think I've just wet myself.... Lol lol lol lol lol lol
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