Bleh.

Yeh I know, not original but at least descriptive...

Wednesday was my day off, which was a good thing, because fatigue struck me like a sack of wet sand to a midget. I woke up briefly in the morning only to roll over and go back to sleep again, because trying to keep my eyes open with sheer will power felt like trying to climb Big Ben wearing a pair of slippers and holding a cheesey string...

Yeh, I was tired.

But more than that, not just tired, also lacking motivation, and lacking desire of any form...

for anything.

Just waiting to fold myself back into the cosy oblivion of unconsciousness.

That feeling has stayed with me so far this week, though not with the same level of tiredness. Twice I've attempted to go to the gym, and twice I've procrastinated. I've worked hard during my work time, and then when I've got home, just collapsed. I've found that reading is my only solace, and social interaction is something I want to run from when I'm feeling like this. I just can't be bothered being friendly or pleasant, so to avoid people I find is the best cure. John Grisham and I can interact over a southern newspaper-owner's story and the life of his small town, but that's about it. (the book I'm referring to is this. p.s. - don't read all the way down the link page if you want to read the book)

I spent most of the day in bed, finally to drag myself out in the middle of the afternoon and take a shower and at least pretend to be normal. As I gazed in the mirror I decided that part of my 'apathy episode' as I like to call it, might benefit my wallet, as I've decided I can't be bothered to get a haircut and would just let my hair grow to whatever length it decided.

Added to the tiredness/fatigue this week was also the delightful appearance of an abcess on my right lower jawbone. I had a tooth removed two months ago because of the very same painful problem, and my heart (but unfortunately not my ever expanding jaw) sank when I realised it may be the same thing again, but on the opposite side of my jaw. I've lost two teeth recently, both thankfully on the side, so there isn't a huge gaping hole when I smile, only when I grin largely, which does tend to happen to me quite a bit. I don't really want to lose the tooth, but after several phonecalls and visists to different places, (my dentist is on holiday and not back till the 9th august would you believe!!) I finally saw sense and went to my doctors who prescribed some anti-biotics.

Hopefully they should bring the swelling and the infection down, but it's still very painful. I now have to find a dental emergency clinic so that they can find the hole in the tooth, and plug it. I haven't found one exploring with my tongue, but it must be there somewhere to have caused this. Ah well, that's more money down the drain this month I couldn't have planned for.

I took the first tablet straightaway, encouraged by the raging burning in my cheek, and the knowledge that this stuff actually works, and did work last time!! I'm due to take the second tablet at 10, before I go to bed. I've being trying to get earlier nights this week, to try and recoup my energy levels, and so far it seems to be working. Having soaring temperatures at night doesn't seem to help though, as I frequently find myself waking up in a pool of sweat, no matter what I do: open the window for a breeze/close the window because of the trains, leave a sheet off because it's too hot/put it back on because I'm sweating and have gone cold, leave the door open to get a breeze/get woken up by the door slamming due to the same breeze...

I can't win.

I guess I have to admit defeat to Mother nature and conceed that for the moment, she rules.

Add to that the pain of my jawbone, and my nights are quite disturbed, although one advantage of fatigue is that even when suddenly woken, you slip into unconsciousness much faster!

I guess I should be thankful for that...