Personality Suicide?

I wonder if it's possible?

If it was, I'd be quite tempted to go for it at the moment. I'm sitting here moody and vengeful in my black hoody, unshaven, wanting the world to swallow me up, and wondering how on earth I ever managed to get adele originally in the first place.

I know this is getting boring if anyone is reading this out there, but I am an idiot. I really don't know why I thought it would be in my best interests to end a relationship that was working, even if at a distance. My own stupidity and gift for opening my mouth and pointless words coming out amazes me sometimes. Yes I did miss her, yes I did want to see her more than once a month, yes I did write a lot of letters, but why, WHY did I think it wasn't worth pursuing in that split second during the meal on tuesday night? WHY did I then feel I had to stupidly carry on with my comments because my male pride wouldn't let me admit it was a mistake making them in the first place?! WHY did I think that not being with her at all was better than once a month?!

The only explanation is that I'm an idiot, and couldn't see what I had when it was right in front of me.

I don't blame her when she says she needs "time and space to think", I would too, if an idiot who couldn't make up her mind kept playing with my emotions. I'm so so sorry for what I said, but only in the end because it affects me.

That's how truly selfish I am.

She is probably better off without me, and that's the decision I think she's going to come to, so I'm preparing myself for the worst. It's just such a stupid way to end a relationship, but I've managed to do it. I'm a complete and utter a******e.

I wish she was here so I could tell her how great she is, and how stupid I've been, but I don't think I'm gonna get the chance.

Like I said, I don't blame her.