Conspiracy comes to the Cullen household...

Hmmmmm.

"and what pray tell, do you speak of?", I hear you say.

Our burglar alarm was activated at 4:20 a.m. this morning. Viewers should know, it is VERY loud, and as I have an uncanny ability to be immediately alert straight from sleep, (no, dirty-minded people not that type of alert!) I was up and rushing downstairs in a pair of boxies within seconds. (I figured the sight of me in my underwear would be enough to scare anyone from the house)

What I discovered when I reached the bottom of the stairs were several things:

• it is very cold if you're standing in the hall in a pair of boxies
• you must be very careful not to slip on loose magazines that are laying about on the floor

Apart from those crucial things, I also discovered a strange phenomenon.

Protruding from our letterbox was what I would class as a junk leaflet, advertising some pizza place or other eaterie. Also, the clock on the oven in the kitchen was completely the wrong time and was flashing on the display panel. This usually happens when we have a power outage.

Having recovered from the rush of adrenaline, and safely tucked up back in bed, knowing I'd checked all doors and windows with dad, I started forming my theories:

• Aliens invaded our house wishing to snatch someone but instead decided to have takeout
• The government switched off all electricity in our house for a matter of seconds to experiment on a new super weapon that they needed the power for
• Pizza restaurants have gone with the info of a new survey and scientific evidence which suggests that during sleep is the best time to advertise

Several questions arose from these thoughts:

• why would aliens try our house? Everyone knows we're a wierd family anyway!
• do aliens really like pizza?
• do pizza restaurants secretly serve aliens in disguise?
• is there an MI5 plot to subdue the british public with early morning leafleting?
• who the hell delivers leaflets at 4:20 a.m?
• was our oven trying to come to life to murder us in our sleep?
• did the oven clear its time memory to avoid leaving evidence?

We must wait, my friends, to see what tonight holds in store...