Crap. Lot's of it.

You know one of those moments in life when you want to throw your hands up and resign as being part of the human race, and wish to be in the place called heaven now?

I'm having one of those days.

So much crap is happening to people who I care about at the moment, and I feel absolutely helpless to do anything about it. So many of my friends seem to be oppressed by life and circumstances, that lead to bad choices and further oppression.

One of my friends has been suspended for shouting at a child who kicked him. He's a youthworker, has had a problem with his larynx and voice since his mum died about eighteen months ago, and has had to get used to speaking in whispers. None of the doctors know what's causing the problem. Just at the moment he got angry with a kid who literally kicked out at him, his voice temporarily came back, and now he's been suspended because of it. He's had several jobs down the years, and he just needs a break. He's only 29.

The homeless guy I talk to just wants to escape his drug habit and alchohol problem and travel. He wants to be clean, but he doesn't want to be press-ganged into believing something he does'nt. He wants to be respected as a human being, not a potential "convert to the cause". Why is that unreasonable? He doesn't steal for his habit, and shows respect to me whenever I chat to him, and tries not to show bitterness most of the time, 'cos he thinks he shud'nt.

The heroin addict who comes into the shop to talk to me, who's desperation I can see in his eyes, who talks about his ex-wife all the time, and is still clearly in love with her, but knows he can't go back.

The 20 yr old lad who used to be in my sunday school class, who's a mental age is about 11, who wanders round town on his own all day when he's not in college, because no one really cares about him enough to spend time with him, except a very few. He comes into the shop and talks for hours with me, and we laugh and joke, and try to go to the cinema as often as possible on my saturdays off. He doesn't really appear self-aware enough to know that no-one cares about him.... or does he? He may be mentally impaired, but that doesn't mean he's stupid. When he goes home at night to an empty house cos his mum's gone out, and when he sits for hours on his own at home playing on the playstation, does he know then?

And me?

I believe in a God who's above all this crap, who can lift people out of these situations, who's only response towards the creatures he made is love. I'm struggling myself at the moment to come to terms with how my body is changing with M.S, but more than that, I'm really struggling with where God fits into all this.

Why aren't you doing anything God?

Why can't you intervene?

All I want is for these people to know, for once in their lives, that they're special, and valued, and worthy of friendship and relationship with another human being; that the world is not just about them getting crushed; that even if they have had crap most of their lives, that there are some people who care, and that there is a Heavenly Father who cares. I want them to know that they can have a relationship with You and not have to do anything in return, that You will love them no matter what, totally unconditionally, not depending on whether they give or whether they're "good enough".

Why God?

Why?