Saturday, August 02, 2008

Squishy Stuff, Loud Sales Assistants & Male Humiliation!!! :s :p

I guess you all know it's 2 weeks today till my wedding in the states to a beautiful woman!

Well, there are certain preparations you have to make before you're married, and I thought the following story would amuse people out there, as a very inexperienced male goes into a well-known chemist that has the same name of footwear, if you get my drift...

I went fearfully into the Chemist clutching my previous grocery shopping list with one item circled and underlined nervously, approached the counter, very carefully making sure there was no-one else around, I even waited for a few minutes until the queue cleared, and asked for the particular product I needed.....

My actual words to the sales assistant were: "This is a bit embarassing, but I'm getting married in two weeks, have you got any ********?" lol

The girl behind the counter must have been about 20 years old at most and said "what's that, I've never heard of it?" mortified I had to explain that it was a ********!
(You would have thought the fact I said I was embarrassed and I needed it because I was getting married would have been a clue!)

She said "oh!" and SHOUTED (!) across to her colleague "this lad needs some *******, where do we keep it?"

The thought rushing around inside my rapidly blushing mind? - GAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It may be my own paranoia, but I'm convinced every single woman in the place looked at me like I was a pervert or something!! :-(

Eventually something was found, but it involved at least two female sales assistant searching the aisles, and picking up things and saying "is this it?" To which I barely whispered "no, I don't think so", keeping my gaze to the floor so I could avoid eye contact wth every person in the shop...

Eventually, a suitable product was found, and after paying, I quickly escaped, almost running to catch any shreds of dignity that I had left which were escaping through the door....

I'm sure I heard laughter as I left, a distinct female tone...

:-(

12 comments:

  1. Whatever the unnamed 'squishy stuff' is, trust that those with experience appreciate the distinct benefits. You are a wise man.

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  2. Aah.. memories of those 1980's condom adverts!

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  3. Please tell me you got the Chlamydia creams they always sell there. That's what struck me most from those places...big signs that said 'Cure for Chlamydia.' I was horrified by that, I must admit.

    Well done for being responsible, though! There's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about there!

    Where are you guys going on honeymoon?

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  4. Hi Arty! No it wasn't Chlamydia Cream!! I don't need that, because I haven't got it lol

    Sadly with the promisuity in the UK, drug stores have to advertise it that widely.

    We're honeymooning roughly about two hours drive North from where Megan lives, in the North Woods of Maine. It's really beautiful there, and isolated and wild... Both of us love landscapes and places like that strangely enough!

    The log cabin is really nice, and it's right on the shore of the lake as well. :-)

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  5. promiscuity not promisuity lol

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  6. and it wasnt condoms lol that would have been less embarrasing!

    anyway....

    *goes back to packing and planning furiously* :s

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  7. You should have bought ice cream to go with the jelly...

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  8. I guess by now congratulations will be in order!

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  9. congratulations!
    As to the mystery product, I guess tampons!

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  10. Two things are going to bother me until you get back to me.
    What exactly were you buying?
    WEDDING PICTURES.

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  11. umm hobs i know your a married man now! but we are all desperate to hear and see all about the wedding! hurry up and put the piccys on and tell us all about it!- (also could you please fill us in about what on earth your talking about!)
    thanks love to you both.

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  12. Congrats on the wedding! And yes, please update all of us not only as to how you are enjoying married life and the wedding but what the heck you were talking about. lol

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