Stress, Excitement & Fulfilment!

Phew.

Yes I know I haven't been around, internet-ically speaking for a while.

Life has been a series of tasks and steep learning curves and new insights and self-disclosures; and that's all just preparing for marriage, never mind work!!!

Life has been very very busy.

I am enjoying it though, immensly. Getting to know the love of my life, not just how she kisses, or what her favourite colour is, or other shallow things; getting to know her real, beating, honest beautiful heart, finding out what makes her want to get up in the morning, and what makes her feel alive, and what her dreams are. All that and more is what I've been discovering as we've chatted on the phone over the last few weeks since she's been back in the States.

I'm so thankful to God that I had the nouse and wherewithal to buy these usb phones that cost us nothing to use, apart from our own internet connections. Yes, sometimes the signal is bad, and when you're having a deep conversation and the connection drops, or times out, or stalls, it can be extremely frustrating, and in my case, can result in more than a little internet rage towards technology in general. On the plus side though, it is SO nice to hear the voice of the one I love so clearly across 4,000 miles of cable and wireless connections, under seas and continents and roads and houses. And the fact that there's only minimal delay.

This week I have two staff appraisals, (it's that time of year again!) four different stock orders to source from four different companies, month-end accounts to do in one night, the evening before I fly out to spend two glorious weeks with the love of my life... I'm SOOOOO looking forward to it!!

When you start your working day at 7:30am, and finish at 6pm for 6 weeks non-stop, with about 30 mins on average for a lunch break, sometimes munching away while you work, a holiday seems even more a pleasant idea than it is usually! Not that I'll be resting all the time I'm there.

I have wedding rings to buy, a honeymoon to pay for, my sister's bridesmaid's dress to pay for,
and a very in-depth conversation with the British Embassy in New York to start with... Phew I'm tired already!!

There is one consolation though: I get to spend time with my stunningly beautiful fiance whose lips and arms I've missed terribly over the last five weeks.

*contented sigh*

It's a trip tinged with bittersweet emotions though: this will be the last time we see each other for five months, till the week before our wedding. FIVE MONTHS!!

*sigh*

We'll cope, I know we will. She has deadlines, so do I, she has new areas of work to explore, plan and think about, I have a new home to find for us, and furnish; she has new dreams to birth, and old ones to let die; I have new roles to start and old ones to relinquish. It's gonna be a busy few months for us, but it'll be exciting!

I've never felt so fulfilled and happy as I do now. It's very hard being apart 90% of the time, but when we're together finally as husband and wife, it's all gonna be worth it.

:-)

Moments.

It seems strange to be sitting here writing at the computer when my life has been so hectic lately up until this point.

With lot's of very very early mornings and late finishes, my life has become a blur of activity mainly revolving around the shop, and then chatting on the phone for hours with Meg. Nothing else really happens of any importance, and my life feels a bit shallow at the moment, full of "busyness" but without an end goal in sight.

I find it interesting that it's precisely at this time that God's been making his presence known to me in lots of little ways throughout my day, whether it's a random thought about Him that pops into my head, or a verse of scripture, or a line of a song, just a little reminder that He's around and watching over me.

It's strange, have you ever had that moment of worship when you suddenly are able to realise how present God is? That He's not just an idea or a concept, but a living breathing Spirit present with you? I've had many times over the last few weeks where I've been listening to a song on the way into work, and I've just suddenly felt almost overhwelmed by God and wanted to burst into song, or burst into tears. Not tears of sadness, tears of Joy, about what He's doing in my life at the moment, and how He's blessing me. I have a beautiful, kind, generous, gentle lady who's willing to be my wife, a new job with a level of responsibility I've always wanted, a chance to mnake a difference where I am, so many things to be grateful to God for.

It's not that I have stacks of money, or my life is amazingly different in some prosperity way, in fact my life is still very boring at times, and I still have the weekly drudge and monday dread, but something's different now.

If I really think hard now, the only real measurable difference now is that I have hope for the future. Hope for a beautiful wife and new dreams for both of us, hope for a job that excites and challenges me, and hope that God has a plan for my life.

I hope that these moments of inspiration continue to happen as I learn to depend on my Heavenly father more and more.

:)