Just Keep Breathing...

I'm pretending to be civilised folks.

Yes, that's right, you heard me right.

I'm currently sitting at my desk, typing out this post whilst listening and chilling out to... ah, currently I have "Meditation From Thais", a classical piano piece playing in the background.

Actually...

It's not just in the background.

Actually...

It's keeping me sane.

I have precisely 19 days until I fly out to the States, and then I will have precisely 6 days before I am wed to the girl of my dreams. No... she is real, I mean THE girl of my dreams. I'm absolutely bewildered by the rush of emotions and feelings I'm having at this moment, realising I'm giving my life to someone else, and commiting the rest of my days to a woman that I love, till death do us part, as I will say in a few weeks time.

Don't misunderstand me, it's not fear. Fear is the furthest it's ever been from me in actual matter of fact. It's Joy. Pure unadulterated joy that I've found someone to spend my life with, someone who I'm attracted to, someone who I love to laugh and cry with, but most of all, someone who fascinates me and enthralls me, and who interests me on the tiniest level. I'm truly humbled by what God has done for us both in these last eighteen months or so, and maybe it's the music I'm listening to, but I feel so at peace and so grateful to God for bringing me someone as beautiful as Meg into my life.

I don't just mean on the outside, though she is incredibly beautiful. I mean someone who has that rare quality of being beautiful on the inside too, someone who captivates me and who is kind and graceful and generous and all those things every man secretly wants in his bride. As men we may mess around and struggle to be serious and have a bit of depth to us at times, but secretly deep down, we all want that beauty to rescue, that beauty to fight for, that girl that brings out a protectiveness in us, and that we long to hold close and keep safe.

Meg brings out all those things in me, and I confess, I'm no man really in the masculine scheme of things, but somehow, my heart aches to be all those things for her, and my instinct is to care for her and be gentle with her and protect her. Not because she's some wisp of a thing with no backbone and timid to the point of weakness, but rather because I see a passion and a love in her that awakens feelings of protection in me, almost as a great work of art compels you to appreciate it.

I cannot verbally state how much I love her, and I'm finding amazingly that my love for her has grown and grown in leaps and bounds since even we were last together a week ago. I can't wait to declare my love for her publicly in a few weeks time, and to state to the world how much she takes my breath away. She is truly beautiful, not just a skin deep shallow beauty, but one that is God created and lasts and lasts, and one that compels it in others too.

I can't help but pour out my feelings as I blog because I can't keep them in. I've been waiting for such a long time to find a person who I could spend the rest of my life with, not in some soppy way, but in a real gut wrenching way. Someone not only who I would be amazed at, but someone who would compel me to be a better man, a better Jesus Follower, a better husband, a better person.

I can't really express it here, but I know I'm going to weep like I never have at my wedding, and you can call me a big girls blouse if you want, I don't care!! It's not just because I love her so deeply, it's because God has been so unbelievably good to me this year. Jesus has given me everything I ever wanted in a wife, and he's given me a new job, and a home to live in, and so, so many other things this year. He's provided when we've needed stuff, provided patience when we found the going tough, and provided grace when we found the going rough.

All through the Visa Application, we were so fearful that it wouldn't go through and that we'd be separated. All our fears were ever so gently wiped away by the One who knows our doubting hearts. Three days was all it took. 3 days!!! God is so full of Grace and gives and gives and gives until you think he musn't have anything else to give, and He gives a little more. His love and His gentleness with me break my heart.

And all this spoken through the gift of my beautiful bride.

I can't wait to see her walking down that aisle to meet me.

ONE Month to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe it!!!

1 more month of singleness!

Well, Megan flew over for a week and she flew back yesterday to make the final preparations for our wedding in Maine on the 16th August.

I have a strange mix of emotions realising that's it's just one calendar month until I marry my beautiful fiance, but mostly excitement. The night before she left, we went over the vows with my dad (who's marrying us) and I think at that point, hearing those ancient words (we're using the traditional vows, words like "I give you my troth", etc) I must admit, I got just the teensiest bit nervous!!

Not nervous of spending my life with Meg, because that's all I want at this point with having so many separations, but just nervousness about the holiness of it all. To make those promises, in front of God Himself... that's a little scary!!

It's good though. I need to be a little scared, because if I was totally confident and approached it knowing I can be everything she wants then I would be making a huge mistake. Meg and I love each other, and I can honestly say she is all I want, but if I'm looking for some huge emotional physical sponge that can meet all my needs for the rest of my life in Meg, then I'm looking in the wrong place. It's really important for us to keep reminding ourselves that it's in the giving of love to each other through our relationship with God that we'll make this work, not some silly sentimentality that says we'll never argue or disagree.

I'm excited at what God has for both of us in our life together, and excited about what he wants to do through us as uniquely, as a couple. I guess time will tell what that will eventually be!!