Reason #1 My Life Has Been Empty Lately...

I hate to admit this...



It's SOOO embarrassing.





In fact it's excruciating.









In fact it's making me squirm thinking about it....

Sorry VJ I haven't read your blog for AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGES.............

*beats self with a funky feather boa as punishment*

Forgive me?

Bother...

I've got my last radio show tommorrow, and I can't be bothered planning it.

Help me someone!! I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED motivation!

Made me Think...

I was talking to an elderly customer in the shop today.

He's just retired from playing in his Salvation Army Band, after 45 years. He had to, because he can't walk and play his instrument on the marches anymore, he gets too out of breath. I felt relt both really sorry for him and in awe of him, because he's served God with his gift for that long. I could sense and hear the sadness in his voice as he spoke about it.

He talked about his wife as well, who's possibly going in for a serious operation that he's worried about. You could tell he loved her, and it made me think. We miss so much each day because we refuse to stop and talk to people. God has much to teach us through people, they were the best lessons he ever created. I hope I'm as interesting and inspiring when/if I get to his age.

He mentioned about being in the war, and some of the terrible things he saw. He talked about being sent out as a young soldier in a group of six, with a machine gun each and orders to scout out the area. How terrifying must that have been? He talked about missing the opportunity to go home early, because the guys in the Middle Eastern Front went home first. He went to lot's of different places in the world because of the war, and he told me about one area he went, where the locals didn't believe there was going to be a war. It was 1939, and they were wrong.

I felt I really connected with him today in some strange way, even though our lives and ages were so different, and I would have missed it if I hadn't taken the time to talk.

It reminded me today that all of us are made in the image of God, and no human being is disposable. Would I have been as courageous, standing against an injustice and being prepared to fight for freedom?

I'm glad our paths crossed today, although we didn't share anything else, we shared a connection as fellow human beings, and people who know a Saviour who stays with us in difficult times.

Yet another MSN Conversation....

Storm Clouds Gathering.... says:
i prefer * name* to be honest!
Storm Clouds Gathering.... says:
'Ali' as a pretend name is a bit masculine!
Ali says:
well good cos *name* that is my name!
Ali says:
lol
Storm Clouds Gathering.... says:
an ur all woman ;) lol
Ali says:
well you might think that now wait until you meet me and hear my farts!!!

Another Actual MSN Conversation...

Storm Clouds Gathering.... says:
lol i noticed you put urself to busy to avoid "____" lol
Ali says:
yeah, well i actually put it to avoid you!!!
Ali says:
only jokin
Storm Clouds Gathering.... says:
lol fair enuff
Storm Clouds Gathering.... says:
id avoid me if I could but unfortunately im attached!

An Actual MSN Conversation:

(to put in context, SWAT is my freind's younger brother who is 11, I am Storm Clouds gathering)

S.W.A.T. STOPS CRIME! CRIME DOESN'T STOP S.W.A.T!!! says:
what did you want to be when you was a kid?
Storm Clouds Gathering.... says:
er... a vicar lol
S.W.A.T. STOPS CRIME! CRIME DOESN'T STOP S.W.A.T!!! says:
seriuosly
S.W.A.T. STOPS CRIME! CRIME DOESN'T STOP S.W.A.T!!! says:
*serously
Storm Clouds Gathering.... says:
lol yeah when i was younger anyway... i guess cos my dad was lol
S.W.A.T. STOPS CRIME! CRIME DOESN'T STOP S.W.A.T!!! says:
really
S.W.A.T. STOPS CRIME! CRIME DOESN'T STOP S.W.A.T!!! says:
i was thinking something a little more adventerous
Storm Clouds Gathering.... says:
lol i guess so!
Storm Clouds Gathering.... says:
being a vicar's quite dangerous you know, tho u wudnt be allowed to carry a gun, except if you lived in america... ;)
Storm Clouds Gathering.... says:
remember all those old ladies armed with cups of tea and cake....

Some pics...

I took these when I went to Freshfields on my birthday, I really like them.

I haven't blogged about it, (it was more than a month ago now!) but I had a really good day if a little lonely. (i was on my own but it was a kind of self-imposed lonliness, I hadn't felt like being around people that day)

Hope you like them, there's something about seeing a bird in flight that is almost spiritual, like it frees you as you're watching it.

:-)

Hehehehehe

I can't speak, I'm laughing too much! I think I've just wet myself.... Ha ha ha hahaha ha ha hahaha!

Top 10 Rejection Lines

Given By Women
(and what they actually mean)

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")

9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one jurassic geezer.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

6. I've got a boyfriend (who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's).

5. I don't date men where I work. (Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)

4. It's not you, it's me. (It's not me, it's you.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)

...and the number 1 rejection line given by women (and what it actually means)

1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet. It's that male perspective thing)

---

In response ... The male perspective on the same issue

---

Top 10 Rejection Lines

Given By Men
(and what they actually mean)

10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.)

9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.)

6. I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.)

5. I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.)

4. It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.)

2. I'm celibate. (You're ugly.)

...and the number 1 rejection line given by men (and what it actually means)

1. Let's be friends. (You're unbelievably ugly.)

German Automotive Terms

• INDICATORS Die Blinkenleiten Tickentocken
• BONNET Pullknob und Knucklechoppen
• EXHAUST Spitzenpoppenhangentuben
• SPEEDOMETER Der Egobooster und Linenshooter
• CLUTCH Die Kuplink mit achlippen und schaken
• PUNCTURE Die Phlatt mit Bludymucken
• LEARNER Die Twatten mit Elplate
• WINDSCREEN WIPER Der flippenflappenmuckenschpredder
• POWER BRAKES Der edbangeronvinschreen stoppenquick
• GEAR LEVER Biggensticken fur Kangaroochoppen
• FUEL GAUGE Der Walletemptyung Meter
• BREATHALYSER Die Puffinter fur Pistenarsen
• REAR VIEW MIRROR Der Yonkunter ist Tooklosan
• SEAT BELT Der klunkenklikken frauleinstrapper
• HEADLIGHTS Das Dippendontdazzelubasted
• FOG WARNING Die Puttenklogdownan und dukkit
• TRAFFIC JAM Die Bluddinmuckin Dammundblast
• REAR SEAT Der Schpringentester
• BACKFIRE Der Lowdenbangermekkenjumpen
• ACCIDENT Das Bleedinkmess
• NEAR ACCIDENT Der Phewn Near Schittenselfen
• CYCLIST Der Peddallpushink Pilloken
• SKID Die Bannanen Waltzen
• DOUBLE WHITE LINES Overtaken and Krunchen

This made me giggle!!

I was researching on the net for some funny stuff for my radio show, and came across this and nearly wet myself.... I thought I would share it with you! hehe....

The Game of Romance

The scoring system

1) SIMPLE DUTIES-
You go out to buy her flowers: +5
But return with beer: -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing: 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something: +5
You pummel it with a six iron: +10
It's her cat: -10

2) SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS-
You stay by her side the entire party: 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a drinking buddy: -2
Named Tiffany: -4
Tiffany is a dancer: -6
Tiffany has implants: -8

3) SATURDAY AFTERNOONS-
You visit her parents: +1
You visit her parents and actually make conversation: +3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television: -3
And the television is off: -6
You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear: -6
And you didn't even go to college: -10
And it's not really your underwear: -15

4) HER BIRTHDAY-
You take her out to dinner: 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar: +10
Okay, it is a sports bar: -2
And it's all-you-can-eat night: -3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team: -10
You give her a gift: 0
You give her a gift, and it's a small appliance: -10
You give her a gift, and it's not a small appliance: +1
You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate: +2
You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months: +30
You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day: -10
With her credit card: -30
And whatever you bought is two sizes too big: -40

5) THOUGHTFULNESS-
You forget to pick her up at the bus station: -25
Which is in Newark, New Jersey: -35
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast: -50

6) A NIGHT OUT WITH YOUR PALS-
You have a few beers: -9
For every beer after three, -2
And miss curfew by an hour: -12
You get home at 3 a.m.: -20
You get home at 3 a.m. smelling of booze and cheap cigars: -30
And not wearing any pants: -40
Is that a tattoo? -200

7) A NIGHT OUT, JUST THE TWO OF YOU-
You go see a comic: +2
He's crude and sexist: -2
You laugh: -5
You laugh too much: -10
She's not laughing: -15
You laugh harder: -25

8) DRIVING-
You lose the directions on a trip: -4
You lose the directions and end up getting lost: -10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town: -15
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals: -25
She finds out you lied about having a black belt: -60

9) COMMUNICATION-
When she wants to talk, you listen, displaying a concerned expression: +20
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes: +5
You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the television: +10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep: -1

'Velvet Elvis' by Rob Bell...

This book is excellent for making you think. Rob is the Founding Pastor of Mars Hill church, in Grand Papids, Michigan, (according to the publishers "one of the fastest-growing churches in America", but I don't think from what I've read Rob would've thought of putting that in, he doesn't seem the 'numbers' type! ) and the idea of the book, according to it's author, is to "repaint" the Christian faith. He actually does a very good job, as rather than throwing out traditional Christianity, he re-imagines it, looking at ways in which we've traditionally mis-interpreted the words of Jesus using our western 21st century glasses, instead of looking at the 1st century eastern culture in which Jesus spoke.

Once you start looking at the Bible this way, it's hard to stop, and Jesus' message of the Kingdom of Heaven becomes even more radical than we would like to think. God's world is exactly that. It's His world, and He wants His Kingdom to be set up here, not in some faraway distant future-time. Rob reminds us that the Bible even ends in Revelation with God "coming down" to the earth to set up His Kingdom. Hell anbd Heaven are present realities to be avoided or created. Rather than greek ideas of eternity of the soul and matter being evil, Rob paints a more accurate picture of God in Jesus who's the God of the NOW, ('I AM' perhaps?) who works in our lives NOW, who's revealed in the Bible as actually the One who hates empty religion and religious observances if they're not done with the heart.

Rob poses a question about re-imagining the message of Jesus, the status of the Bible, not because it's trendy or because it's new, but because it's needed, and it's actually an ancient idea: communties of faith-full people who interpret their scriptures and doctrines about God through the way He acts in relationship to them. He presents many amazing insights of the way in which we have interpreted the bible in ways in which aren't neccesarily the best, because we don't make ourselves aware of the culture in which Jesus' stories and teachings were placed. Rob points out that Jesus lived and died as a Jew, and we need to be aware of the context in which he spoke.

He presents a powerful argument to see the Bible, not as an instruction manual, (the traditional evangelical view) but as narrative, the story of God's interaction with His people. (he makes a valid point about this: when was the last time you felt inspired by reading the designer's manual for a toaster!!)

The Bible has authority not because it is "etched in stone" as it were, but because it's stories resonate with our own. It's not important that it happennED, as much as that it happeNS. The stories tell of people's faith in and doubt of God, of their failings and victories, and of His character revealed by how He acts. He is the God of the Now.

He challenges us to see the hand of God as operating all over our world, and not limiting it to even our own religion, but seeing a bigger picture of the Saviour who died for all, and who reveals truth in all things. This is a bigger picture of the God who died for us, and I found it really encouraging that we don't have to be closed minded as Christians, but that we can see and recognize Truth for what it is, in lot's of things not neccesarily within Christianity.

He tackles lots of issues, and I could go into detail but I'd be here all night, (!) so I'll just end with a quote:

'...When those first Christians in Acts 15 came out of their meeting and announced their decision regarding the Gentiles, they said the strangest thing: "It seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us not to burden you with anything beyond the following requirements."

They are making a monumental decision in the history of Christianity , and the best they can say is that it seems like it is the best decision? It seems good to them and the Holy Spirit?

They don't claim to have an absolute word from God on the matter; they at best claim guidance from the Spirit of God, but they even hold that loosely.

What is so beautiful about the language in Acts 15 is that they make a decision, they step up, they take their responsibility seriously, they acknowledge a strong sense of God's leading, but they remain humble.

With their "seems", they leave room to admit they may not have nailed it perfectly the first time. They hold their action and God's action in healthy tension. They understand that they have action to take, but they also understand that God is at work as well. They don't take a passive route which is to do nothing, and assume that God will miraculously do it all. And they don't take a route based in human arrogance, which leaves no room for the leading and guiding of the Spirit of God.

What if we were to say about what we do, "It seems good to the Holy Spirit and to us"?

I love the sense of movement in these first Christians' language, like they are discovering things and making decisions, but there is this inherent assumption that they are on a journey. There is more ahead. And God is with them every step of the way.

They aren't done painting...'

I like that. :-)

He's got some good thoughts, go and buy the book!

This Last Week, I.....

• went to Leeds for two days and helped to re-merchandise the latest shop in our chain to be re-fitted.
  
• cried over a friend who's decided being a Christian isn't for them
• managed to burn onto CD 600 of the songs I have on my computer to create 4 MP3 discs, and save me 8 gigs of hard drive space
• went to church (which was today, and is in itself an amazing thing)
• finished another book ('Velvet Elvis' by Rob Bell, I'll blog on it soon)
• smoked a cigar for the first time out of curiosity and didn't like it
• sang kareoke in a pub with my mate and we sang 'Losing My Religion' by R.E.M. and were easily the best of the night lol
• slept in. twice! oops!
• stayed up 'till 3 am chatting on msn
• made an appointment to go for a coffee with my Pastor
• started another book 'A New Kind Of Christian' by Brian D McLaren
• got halfway through '13 Steps Down' by Ruth Rendell (another book!)
• dusted off my electric and my amp and played it very loud with lot's of distortion and felt better for it afterwards
• saw a homeless man in the pouring rain and cried because I couldn't do anything and didn't have any money on me
  
• regretted a conversation I shouldn't have had
  
• regretted an opportunity I didn't take
• learnt that I'm not on my own
• got bored in work because it was quiet
• spilled a whole bag of chips and a halfpounder burger when I tripped over a paving slab and bruised my kneecap
• spilt some milk but didn't cry
• laughed so hard i nearly wet myself
• ate a really hot curry
• got really angry with someone
• watched the films 'Vanilla Sky', 'The Ladykillers', and 'Along came Polly'
  
• saw the sunrise
• got soaked and looked like a drowned rat in the rain
• looked where I shouldn't have
• procrastinated about going to the gym. Twice!
• lied once (that I can remember anyway...)
  
• told the painful truth. once.
• smiled at myself and how stupid I can be
• mis-spelt/mis-typed 100's of words on msn
• talked to a person about Jesus
• blatantly avoided talking to a person about Jesus
• thought bad of someone i shouldn't
• wanted to swear loudly at a customer!
  

As you can see, it's been a busy week! Phew!

Also...

I realised today I've never linked Ike's vlog/blog even though I've been reading/watching it for months!! How rude of me!! My apologies Ike!

Go and browse all my freind's blogs who have more exciting lives than mine!! :p

I forgot to say.....

Two of my freinds now have a blog!!

My best freinds Genevieve (who's known me since I was about 18), and her husband Gaz (who's known me since I was 13) and are now both living in Cape Town, S.A. with their son (fantastic ball of energy and poo) David!! I miss them alot but it's good that I can read about them and find out what they're up to now!!

And my new freind Ali who likes her privacy and has an anonymous blog so I can't tell you anymore details!!

They're both in my list of links to the side of this post! ----->

(Genevieve will have lots of embarrassing stories about me if you ask nicely)

:p

Since Last Post....

Not original I know but hey! *shrugs*

Ok, so here was my week so far:

Reading, feeling ill, sniffling, playing guitar, feeling ill, more reading, chatting on msn, more reading.

Oh and last night I went to my brother's, (HWIM) for tea, and to play guitar for a while, and to watch a DVD. Didn't really wanna go, but was glad I did in the end, really enjoyed it. Dave's mate Jon came as well, I've been (supposedly) giving him guitar lessons for the past two weeks, tho what he can learn from me I'm not sure to be honest.

It's a bit embarrassing, just because I've been playing longer, they both look up to me as a guitarist, which is a bit strange, because I don't think I'm that good really. I used to be, but I haven't played properly in a band for well over a year now, and only play at home now when I'm bored, so I don't practice much anymore either.

Oh well, that's my exciting week.