Stress, Excitement & Fulfilment!

Phew.

Yes I know I haven't been around, internet-ically speaking for a while.

Life has been a series of tasks and steep learning curves and new insights and self-disclosures; and that's all just preparing for marriage, never mind work!!!

Life has been very very busy.

I am enjoying it though, immensly. Getting to know the love of my life, not just how she kisses, or what her favourite colour is, or other shallow things; getting to know her real, beating, honest beautiful heart, finding out what makes her want to get up in the morning, and what makes her feel alive, and what her dreams are. All that and more is what I've been discovering as we've chatted on the phone over the last few weeks since she's been back in the States.

I'm so thankful to God that I had the nouse and wherewithal to buy these usb phones that cost us nothing to use, apart from our own internet connections. Yes, sometimes the signal is bad, and when you're having a deep conversation and the connection drops, or times out, or stalls, it can be extremely frustrating, and in my case, can result in more than a little internet rage towards technology in general. On the plus side though, it is SO nice to hear the voice of the one I love so clearly across 4,000 miles of cable and wireless connections, under seas and continents and roads and houses. And the fact that there's only minimal delay.

This week I have two staff appraisals, (it's that time of year again!) four different stock orders to source from four different companies, month-end accounts to do in one night, the evening before I fly out to spend two glorious weeks with the love of my life... I'm SOOOOO looking forward to it!!

When you start your working day at 7:30am, and finish at 6pm for 6 weeks non-stop, with about 30 mins on average for a lunch break, sometimes munching away while you work, a holiday seems even more a pleasant idea than it is usually! Not that I'll be resting all the time I'm there.

I have wedding rings to buy, a honeymoon to pay for, my sister's bridesmaid's dress to pay for,
and a very in-depth conversation with the British Embassy in New York to start with... Phew I'm tired already!!

There is one consolation though: I get to spend time with my stunningly beautiful fiance whose lips and arms I've missed terribly over the last five weeks.

*contented sigh*

It's a trip tinged with bittersweet emotions though: this will be the last time we see each other for five months, till the week before our wedding. FIVE MONTHS!!

*sigh*

We'll cope, I know we will. She has deadlines, so do I, she has new areas of work to explore, plan and think about, I have a new home to find for us, and furnish; she has new dreams to birth, and old ones to let die; I have new roles to start and old ones to relinquish. It's gonna be a busy few months for us, but it'll be exciting!

I've never felt so fulfilled and happy as I do now. It's very hard being apart 90% of the time, but when we're together finally as husband and wife, it's all gonna be worth it.

:-)

Better Than Yesterday This day Is... :)

That's a yoda way of saying today's turning out to be better than yesterday was. :)

The shop's been fairly quiet today, we're up to date with all parcels, and tasks, and my sis has just rung me at the shop to say she's coming into town after we've closed to meet me so we can go for something to eat...

*sighs happily*

There's only a few other things that could happen that would make this day perfect, but they're not likely, as geographical distance does not permit ;)

:)

Catchup Not Ketchup...

Ok, an update on my life at the moment!

Apologies for not posting for a while, I haven't felt very inspired lately, and haven't felt much motivation to blog.

However, there have been things happening in my life, even in the midst of non-blogging and with a lack of motivation...

• I had a job interview last Saturday. - I felt it went really well, and they said they would contact me in about a week, for a possible second interview, but I've heard nothing as of yet. (it'll be a week since the interview tommorrow) I'm not really sure whether it's a good sign or not that I've heard nothing, I guess I'll just have to wait and see. It's a bit demoralising just waiting for a phonecall, but I guess that's part of the process for everyone.
• I sent my claim form in for DLA, (Disability Living Allowance) on the 9th December, and have had two letters up until now telling me they are looking at my claim, but not much else. I'm quite frustrated about it as it seems there is a lot of red tape to get through, and I only applied for it in the first place because someone encouraged me that I had a valid case, with having M.S. and still working full-time. I'm not looking for huge amounts of money, I know I'm mild compared with most people who have M.S, but that little extra so that I can get a taxi to work sometimes when I feel tired would be an advantage.
• I'm really hating work at the moment. Everytime I try to look to the future and worry, (which is all I seem to do at the moment!) I can't see any avenue for progression where I am at the moment, and it's a further source of frustration that the company I work for is cutting back financially all the time at the moment, including staff and resources, so doing my job is getting harder and harder at the moment, and on top of that, I've found out today that my Boss is taking on a new role in the near future, so that he will be even less available than heis now, and I will have to pick up the pieces in the shop even more than currently, with no extra wage or staff resources. Realising what's ahead of me in terms of volume and intensity of work in the next year, is actually making me quite frustrated and low at the moment.
• For the last couple of weeks, I've got back into worship leading in church, which has been a real blessing and something I've really missed. I didn't realise how much I missed it until I started doing it again, and it's been really great to work with a bunch of quality musicians, leading them an working out arrangements, and being part of a team of people working out the worship life of our fellowship. They're a good bunch of people, and it's only in leading again that I've realised how much I took every one of them for granted. Their improvisation skills, and sensitivity to every little change I make in a song as I'm leading is just sheer brilliance, and I'm grateful to God for the way He has been moulding us together, and that has shown in the expression of worship in the people.
• I've spent alot of time on my own lately, with occasional moments of social activity with friends, and in those times, I've been learning to appreciate them in ways I haven't before. Don't get me wrong, I'm still struggling everyday with lonliness, and a sense of my old shyness coming back, but the times I have with them seem to alleviate that, and although they are maybe once a week, I'm really gaining the benefit from it, and I think my soul is encouraged everytime I see them.
• I'm finding the way of Jesus very hard, but worthwhile. I was listening today to a preacher who talked about our soul cravings pointing us to God, and that in the hard times we should be running to Him not away, we should face the problem and hurt, not run from it. He never promises to take us away from it, but He does promise to be with us as we go through it. We should use our pains and hurts to help us encounter God in them, not seek Him for relief outside of them.

That's it for now....