I'm Currently Reading This...

It's strange, although I've been diagnosed with m.s. for three and a half years now, I'm still living a bit in denial, even though I'm injecting every day with medication. So far I've got halfway through this book, and I've recognised and resonated with all of the symptoms the author describes having experienced in his own battle with the disease.

I bought the book last week when I saw it advertised; what attracted me was that it is written by someone who has m.s. and is not just another "expert's" advice. It's a book ground in reality, and very personally written. I'll wait to get to the end of the book, but so far it's making me wonder whether I should ask my specialist to have a phsychological test to determine if I have cognitive symptoms as well as physical.

I don't normally talk about my experience with m.s, mainly because I think a part of me doesn't want to admit it, to acknoledge it's existence, but when I get weeks like this week, when it kind of throws me a metaphorical punch in the gut, I'd be a fool to deny that it affects my life.

I need to slow down a bit more in work I think, which isn't easy, being in the role of Deputy Manager, but the stress I put my body under is starting to show a bit I think. I have a wedding to go to on Friday, and because the manager forgot, he didn't give me the day off. (he's on holiday at the moment) So, I've had to split my day off this week into two half days, so I could go to my friends wedding and the reception! I finished work at 1 today, and will finish at 12 on Friday, and rush to the wedding which starts at 1!

I'm also thinking of making a complete career change, to find a less stressful job, and because my wage is so poor, ideally a part time one that is exactly the same pay that I'm on now!

We'll wait and see, I don't know what I want to do to be honest.

I came home this afternoon completely exhausted, and I all I did today was lift a box of very heavy books, and I used up all my energy reserves doing it. My legs felt like two lumps of lead walking home from the station today, and I was glad to get in, shut the door behind me, and collapse and veg on my couch all afternoon watching films, chilling out. I'm so tired at the moment that I think it's affecting my eyesight aswell, an old symptom that constantly re-occurs.

In short, I'm a bit run down. When you're run down, it's like holding out a personal invite to your symptoms, they all come running at once, so I find it's best to just sit down and recharge.

If I'm feeling up to it, I might go to the gym after work tommorrow and try some gentle cycling, and see what happens to my legs....

Oh well, must stop moaning and grumbling and get on with it I suppose...