Yes you heard right...
The 9 stone short weakling has joined a gym!!!!
I went tonight for the first time and I've decided I quite like it!! My favourite machine is the rowing machine, I spent forty minutes on that,,,, I think I will call him Edgar. That's a good name for a rowing machine, don'tcha think?
Anyway, I spent two hours there, and came out feeling like I had tons of energy, which really surprised me, 'cos I haven't felt like that in a loooooooooooooong time!! I'm going back on Saturday, can feel a bit of a "health freak" obsessive phase starting...
It'd be cool if I could get some defined abs.... :p
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Yes you heard right...
Scribbled by Jm at 11:59 pm
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
It's bigger than the first sliced bread....
It's more newsworthy than a tory closet...
It's more exhilirating than a polar bear's breath on a hot day....
Ladies and Gentlemen, Blogging meets Radio!!!!!
For one show only, I will host alongside VJ, Rez, and any other of my blogging freinds who want to turn up on the day!! Two hours of fun and frolics on the air and in the studio will ensue, as we will pre-record one special show...
I'll let people know the details nearer the time!!!
I love it when I have great ideas.... :-)
Scribbled by Jm at 1:18 am
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Ok, so I've agreed to teach two lads in my youth group to play acoustic guitar.
One of them found an abandoned guitar in the church attic, the other had already bought one.
I thought "no probs, I'll put new strings on it, and it'll be fine!".
It's so old, even nylon strings don't make it sound good. It stays iin tune when I play E, A and B, but immediately goes out of tune when I play any other chord.
It's so warped that Scotty would want it for the Enterprise engines....
I've just spent £6 on strings for nothing.
I'll have to go and buy a cheap acoustic for the lad tommorrow, he and his mum can't afford to buy one. Even getting one for £70 should be better than the pile of warped crap I'm holding in my hands right now.... lol
Oh well!! I suppose praying over this might be a possibility....
Scribbled by Jm at 8:33 pm
BUT... tommorrow I have....
- an appointment to join a gym
- an appointment to dye my hair
- an appointment for an eye test
- an appointment to discuss disability benefit
- an appointment with CAB to help me fill in the forms
- an appointment with a mug of coffee
- an appointment with my computer and songbooks to choose the songs for Sunday
- an appointment with the woman who shortens all my new jeans
- an appointment with my house group
- and, after all that... an appointment with MY BED!!!
Ever get the feeling you're a bit busy??
Scribbled by Jm at 8:31 pm
For those of who don't know, and are remotely interested, I didn't get the London job.
Apparently I gave an excellent interview, but the other candidate beat me by a few points, but according to them it was close.
Bit dissapointed to be honest, but have to just trudge on here as usual.
I guess God knows what he's doing.
Scribbled by Jm at 8:23 pm
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Well I'm back at the café again and the night is young!! Unfortunately I didn't get to the classical concert, as when I rang the booking line for the ticket they'd already closed! (note to self: check the opening times of places when you want to book tickets)
It's ok though, because after doing my third tour of London on the Red Route, (I like that one by the way!!) I made my way back to Trafalgar Square and sat on the steps and carried on reading the book I bought at Borders today. It's by Danny Wallace, who is perhaps THE funniest man who's books I have ever had the pleasure of reading!! (Go to www.dannywallace.com if you're curious).
I'm not feeling that tired, so might go for a coffee or a pint in a bit, just to ease the boredom of my tube journey later...
I did laugh quite a lot today, as I went to go and be cultured and see the Saatchi Gallery, down by the Thames next to the London Eye. What you should realise dear reader, is that I am dressed in old, wripped jeans and a scruffy t-shirt and trainers, not exactly Gallery-Viewing dress code!! I stepped one foot inside the Gallery, and a VERY smartly dressed man raised an eyebrow in my general direction... I took this as a very polite way of saying "Oi son, piss off!" and quickly exited the gallery giggling at the man's face when I said (in my scouse accent remember!) "sorry mate, got the wrong building". I think by his expression of disdain he thought that too!! It did make me laugh though, hehe. :-)
Well, I didn't get to do the River Cruise... again!! I got distracted by the sight of the street entertainers, and took some pics, and by the time I got to the actual location of the Cruises, they'd finished for the day!! Oh well, at least my ticket's still valid for tommorrow...
I'd just like to say at this point, that London is FULL of honeys!! It's a shame that I have a face like a Rhino's arse, otherwise I couldv'e struck up a few conversations!! (NOT!!) It's funny that you can be so totally anonymous here, I actually like that, all though it would be nice to share a quiet drink with a lovely lady overlooking the Thames, and the bright lights... *sigh*
Not that I'm moaning, I've had a great time so far, I've enjoyed exploring, and despite the fact I have a tube and bus day pass, I've actually done quite a lot of walking!! I've lost so much weight this weekend, it's untrue, and I feel so much better for it!! :-)
Well, since I paid for an hour, I'm off to chat on msn for a bit now...
Scribbled by Jm at 10:21 pm
Thérèse, I've taken a picture, ESPECIALLY for you of "Canada House", the headquarters of Canadians in London!!
And a very fine building it is too!! (just around the corner from here in fact!!)
I'll post it on Sunday night when I get home...
Hope you like it and feel very nationalistic and proud!!
Scribbled by Jm at 3:34 pm
Yes, that's right, I'm at yet another internet cafe to update my viewing audience of my fascinating adventures!!
(note to self: next time you choose an internet cafe, choose one with a much smaller screen font... The WHOLE WORLD can see what I'm typing!!)
It's day 2 on the Big Tour of London, and I've stopped for a break because Im feeling all touristed out!! I've just had lunch at Pizza Hut, (I thought it was really important you should know that! ;) ) and it was very good. I'm now feeling stuffed and very, very tired and sleepy, which is the perfect oportunity to sit down and type for a while. I have a tube all day ticket, (£5-20 for zones 1 - 4) a bus all day ticket, (£3 and you can go anywhere!) and also a Big Bus ticket!!! (As I explained yesterday, £20 but well worth it!!) Soooo... I have alot of scope for more exploring!! (For those of you interested, I'm about three steps away from Trafalgar Square... I got some good pics, and will post them later)
Some things I haven't done still:
- The River Cruise along the Thames. - I've got 'till 6, so I'm determined to get it done! It's only one way, but still free if you have a Big Bus ticket.
- The London Eye - The queue for this has to be seen to be believed!! I reckon the only way I can avoid queueing for HOURS literally, is either to buy a ticket for it in advance for tommorrow, or to not go to Church tommorrow at all, and get into London VERY early! There are hundreds of people in the queue, as you will see from my pictures next week when I post them... I reckon I could get some really good birds eye pics of London from there, but am weighing up whether it is actually worth all the standing around for hours...
- The Big Bus guided walks - there are five of these, from 'famous sites used for movies' to 'Ghost Tours' of underground London. Again, they come as part of the price of your £20 ticket.
- Summer Baroque - As I passed Trafalgar Square, I was handed one of several leaflets advertising a classical concert in St martin's, which is the famous church actually in the square. I'm really tempted to buy a ticket for the concert and hang around till 7:30. There are going to be four pieces of music played: Arias from the Messiah (Handel), Canon and Gigue (Pachelbel), Violin Concerto in A Minor (Bach), and 2 concerto's in D Minor, one by harpsichord (Bach) and one by violin (Vivaldi). I'm really, really tempted to stay around. To be surrounded by all this architecture and listen to beautiful music beautifully played.... Hmmmm.... I think my mind's made up!
- Bungee-Jumping off the Tower Of London - (ok, ok, that's a joke, you're not allowed to do that! hehe)
Well, that's still quite alot to get through before tonight!!
The film was really good last night, if a teeny bit expensive!! I went to the odeon Cinema on Tottenham Court Road, which was alot smaller than I realised, (we actually have a bigger one than that in Liverpool!) and a seat there was at the Shocking price of £8.20!!! I guess you're ayong for the privellege of Tottenham Court Road though, that must be how they can justify it!!
Well, it's now 2:30 and I've got half an hour left on this machine, so I think I'll chat for a while!!
Adios!! (in line with my cosmopolitan location you understand... :p )
Scribbled by Jm at 3:30 pm
Friday, July 22, 2005
Well, I've had a really good day, London is soooooo big!!
I'm currently in an internet cafe, waiting 'till 7:30 to go to the Cinema to watch Fantastic Four.
All day I've been doing the Big Bus Tour of London, which, as you might guess, (!) is on a bus... You pay £20 for a 24 hour ticket, and choose one of several routes to go round London, with a guide using a microphone, giving you a guided tour. So far today I've seen Trafalgar Square, Marble Arch, Buckingham Palace, Hyde Park, (where they had the Live 8 concert) Regent's Park, St Paul's Cathedral, (which is absolutely beautiful, unfortunately you're not allowed a camera inside, so no pics I'm afraid) the Houses of Parliament, Big Ben, and loads of other places I've completely forgotten the name of....
£20 sounds expensive but it's really good because you can hop on and off as and when you like, as long as you show your ticket each time to re-board a bus. As I've said there's a t least three different kinds of tours/directions you can go round London to see all the main tourist sites, so it's a really good way to see them. Some of the sites you stop at, there are walks and other tours that are included in the price of the ticket as well!! Also, as I mentioned, the ticket is valid for 24 hours from the date you buy it, so because I bought it at 1:40p.m. today, I can use it 'till that time tommorow!! I'm going to fit in the rest of the others tours tommorrow, but I'll have to get up early!! I think it's brilliant value!! :-)
For those of you who maybe wondering, the interview went ok, but I'm not convinced I've got the job, I think I may not be the type of person they're looking for, as I think they want someone with strong skills for the shop, and although I'm confident at managing a shop, staff and their training is more my priority rather than marketing. However, I may be completely wrong, so we'll have to wait and see!!
I've noticed several things about London, and one of them is the weather!! Sorry to be british and boring, but I HAVE to mention it! It's REALLY warm here, most of the time. Even though there wasn't that much sunshine here today, I think I've managed to get sunburnt anyway! (lol I know that's really sad, but there you go, that's the life of a white, celtic, highly sensitively-skinned bloke!!)
Another thing I've noticed is how much of a rush most of the general population seems to be in! There's a much faster pace of life here, which when you come from a smaller city (Liverpool, for those of you who haven't read my profile) is strange to realise, because it's not like I'm from the sticks or anything!!
What I think is really cool about London that I've learnt so far, is that there's LOADS of places to go and chill, even though life is so very busy. Regent's Park and Hyde Park, Key Gardens, Rembrant Gardens, and tons of other places of greenery that are so beautiful, that you can sit back and relax and ponder awhile.
I'd really like to move here, but the negative side of me doesn't think that that's gonna happen anytime soon. I've spent the entire day on my own and really, really enjoyed it, and got lot's of pics that I'll post when I get home on Sunday and plug my new camera up to my own computer. (yes, I bought a new digital camera this morning, 'cos my other one stopped working a month ago)
Anyway, got to go 'cos the film's about to start up the road in like 20 mins! Thérèse & VJ, if I do get this job, when you come to London in november, I'll show you round!! If I don't get the job, I might come down anyway if you come to London on the weekend, just so I can show you which tour to get on!! Got to go, but if everyone is patient, I'll post my pics on Sunday night!! :-)
(I've tried to be arty and taken most of them in black and white, but I'm no professional, so don't expect quality!!)
Got to go, the fantastic four await.....
Scribbled by Jm at 8:10 pm
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Well, in two hour's time I'm off to London for my interview tommorrow. I'm staying with my freind ian, and have decided to make a long weekend of it. My digital camera has broken, so I'm going to buy a new one while I'm down there, and see if I can get lot's and lot's of pictures!!
(I may even get Ian to take one of me in my suit, but we'll wait and see... hehe)
I'll probably have chance to blog while I'm down there, so you'll hear from me sometime!!
Bye for now....
p.s. those of you so inclined and in the uk, pray for me if you get the chance at 10 am tommorrow...
Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! *slightly manic nervousness but under control*
Scribbled by Jm at 2:10 pm
I need to go to therapy.
I'm leaving at 2 to get into town to get a train at 3:15 to London, and my washing is still in the dryer. I started to think about packing at 11:00.
I think I'm ill.
I'll be packed in time tho, using my trusty motto: "have travel iron, will pack messily...." ;)
Scribbled by Jm at 1:57 am
Sunday, July 17, 2005
It's been a really hard day today.
One of the challenges of Ms, is not just the physical side. Often, emotionally you can find yourself all over the place. Ironically, what is taking place physically in my body all the time, is in fact affecting my mental state. The nature of the disease for those that didn't know, is that my body is in actuall effect eating away at itself. In MS, the white blood cells start attacking white tissue in the body, thinking that it is an alien substance to the rest of the body. They do the opposite of what they're supposed to do, they attack the body's cells, not bacteria.
Most white tissue is found in the spinal chord, and the brain, so these areas get attacked first, particularly the brain. When these areas are attacked by the white blood cells, the myelin sheath around individual nerves gets eaten away, to expose the nerve beneath. Unfortunately, the sheath around the nerves is what actually carries the nerve impulses from the brain down the spinal column to the right area. Areas that are attacked are obviously scarred, and it is this scarring, or 'schlerosis' that causes the problem.
Of course the body starts to heal itself and eventually the scarring dissapears. This means the symptoms stop, because the area attacked is no longer malfunctioning. However, the scarring can happen again while the other site is healing up. In fact several scarring processes can be happening at once in the brain.
This means that every couple of months I have days where I become very very emotional, I guess (though obviously I don't know!) a bit like a girl feels when her hormones are affecting her. When these days happen, I find myself crying alot, and feeling very frustrated with myself.
I stay in when I'm like that, because I feel for some unexplicable reason very fragile at these times, like if I watch a certain type of film, like maybe slushy or sad, or just one that gets you emotionally involved, that I'll fall apart. Also at these times I feel I can't be around people, as when these feelings come, they are overwhelming at times, and it can be embarrassing, if you're a bloke, to be talking normally to someone one minute, and then bursting into tears sobbing your heart out the next!!
Sometimes I don't have a particular reason or experience for these mood swings, they just tend to happen. It's more confusing when you feel like this, but then can't explain why.
I had one of those days today, and have been crying on and off all day! I do feel better for it though, so I guess I needed the release. I've been listening to worship music most of the day, I find when I'm like this that the only thing I can cope with is music that points me to God, and spending time in His prescence really helps me. Also being quiet is good too.
Anyway, I don't usually talk about my MS, but if any of you that read this ever get to meet me, and I seem to be crying alot, now hopefully you won't be so freaked out by it!!
I'm off to bed, it's been an exhausting day.
Scribbled by Jm at 1:14 am
Saturday, July 16, 2005
Tommorow at Church I'm trying something a little different.
I've chosen two kids songs to start the worship!!
About three years ago, for our annual playscheme/kids mission, I re-arranged some kids songs to be alot more rocky, and recorded backing tracks cos I couldnt get the time off work to play. The kids liked them, but I've not used them since then, so thought we needed to include the kids more in the services, and they LOVE IT when we make their parents do all the silly actions too!!
Last time I did this arrangement, I played my Ibanez, and used my marshall amp, and rocked the joint! lol lol lol Not sure how they're gonna react in church, but if they get into the actions, it should be brill! here's hoping.... All the band will know the songs, they'll just have to re-learn a new arrangement of them!!
I'll let you know how it went!!
I'm really looking forward to using my marshall and Ibanez again... :p
Scribbled by Jm at 9:58 pm
1. WHATS ON YOUR MIND NOW?
The songs I've chosen for the service tommorrow.
2. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Atrain going past my window. (on the trainline behind my house, not literally past my window in case you were freaked out)
3. COMPLETE THIS SENTENCE: THE WORLD NEEDS....
more guitarists. (and good ones at that)
4. MODEL OF YOUR CELLPHONE?
Um... it's a Sony Ericsson. No idea what model.
5. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
I've just had a salad, which included lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, spring onion, potato salad, coleslaw, ham slices, corned beef slices, beetroot and lot's of other yummy salad-type things that I'm sure you're not really that interested about.
6. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Um, probably black, ironically.
7. WHAT DO YOU DO DURING YOUR CHILL TIME?
I'm fairly laid back so am calm and chilled most of the time. But to answer the question specifically, I listen to music, and I play the guitar, and also read. (not all at the same time though, sorry to dissapoint folks)
8. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
HWIM - My brother! (HWIM = "He Who Is married") last night, inviting me out to the cinema. :-)
9. THE FIRST THING YOU THINK ABOUT WHEN YOU SEE THE OPPOSITE SEX?
I'd agree with you there Jonny I'm afraid. - Sex. (although as a bloke why should it worry me that I think like I'm supposed to?? - wierd.)
10. AUTO OR MANUAL CAR?
I'm not allowed to drive, even if I had have passed my test. (I didn't at the time).
11. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
Probably Good Friday.
12. FAVORITE PLACE?
My room, OR the sandunes and beach at Abersoch, North Wales where I used to do Beach Mission, and sit up in the sand dunes by myself talking to God, and listening to the waves lapping up the beach), OR being on a stage with just me and my guitar and my songs.
13. FAVORITE SPORTS?
I'm not really sporty.
14. DO U WEAR CONTACTS?
Yes. Most of the time. I hate my glasses.
Yes. Two brothers (David - 28, then Peter - 26) and one sister, (Ruth - 23) all younger.
16. THE COOLEST WAY YOU HAVE TO RELEASE PRESSURE?
Playing my guitar. OR listening to Jazz Music.
17. THINGS I HATE MOST?
18. WHAT IS THE BEST THING ABOUT BEING A GIRL/ BOY?
Um, I don't consider myself very masculine, but I guess for me, it's enjoying watching Sci-Fi and Action films.
19. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY?
Scary, I think because I have a Phlegmatic yet Melancholy personality, if you want to really know. ;)
20. MY BEST FRIENDS ARE:
Um.... Gaz and gen when in they're in this country.
21. CHOCOLATES OR FLOWERS?
For what? eating? Obviously Chocolates!! Duh........
22. WHEN IM STUCK IN A JAM .......
I usually take a deep breath.... then PANIC!!
24. IF YOU COULD TURN BACK TIME, YOU WOULD....
Tell Adele how I really felt about her without scaring her off. :-(
25. IN YOUR WALLET, YOU HAVE...
a Credit card, my birth certificate, my Debit card, my provisional driving liscence (though I don't know why I kept that since I couldn't use it even if I wanted to!), a Makro Store card, LOADS of receipts, a few old train tickets from London that I keep for sentimental reasons, buisness cards from some of my freinds.
26. WHAT'S ON YOUR SCREEN SAVER?
A collection of photos from my 'My Pictures' folder.
27. FAVORITE BOARD GAME/s?
28. FAVORITE SMELLS?
perfume on women, (drives me nuts!! lol) a woman's hair when it's just been washed, anything to do with women and their scent without sounding really dodgy or perverted!! lol lol lol
29. WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU THINK OF BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP?
That I'm unhappy.
30. THINGS I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT.
The internet and my acoustic guitar.
31. YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE?
"Speak the Gospel, and if neccesary, use words." (something like that anyway... - attributed to St Francis of Assisi)
Scribbled by Jm at 9:51 pm
Ok so I made up that title because I'm being like a sheep and following everyone else's idea of writing about mannerisms of my own. (copyrighted to Tom's blog)
- I always tend to walk with my head down, when I'm on my own. I think it's from when I was little, and very, very shy. If I'm with someone I know well, or who I like, I tend not to do it that much.
- In trying to overcome my shyness when I was younger I used to force myself to look into people's eyes when they were talking to me. This means now unfortunately that I have VERY good eye contact with people I talk to, and possibly too much. It can look like I'm staring in a phsycho way, when actually it's just the way I am!!
- When I'm embarrassed, no matter how I try to hide it, I blush bright red then purple, STRAIGHT AWAY. It's one of the things about myself that annoys me the most, because people can tell straight away, and I just can't hide it.
- I'm a very feelings-based person, and I draw to, and make a connection with, people I like very quickly and easily.
- Apparently you can read my face straight away to find out how I'm feeling, which again is good if someone wants to know, but annoying for me that I can't hide it! Even strangers can read me like a book from my face!!
- I tend to get into deep conversations with people, even if I haven't known them very long.
7. Occasionally I have giggle-fits where I can't stop laughing, and become hysterical. My
worst one lasted for 40 mins non-stop, and someone physically hit me to stop me in the
end, 'cos they were trying to get to sleep!! When I get in one of these, EVERYTHING
becomes funny to me, even someone breathing, shutting a door, anything!! I physically
exhaust myself laughing when this happens!! I usually end up crying with laughter, just
making silly noises and finding it hard to breathe, it's a bit like an asthma attack!! I think
I'll call it a laughma attack!
8. I sometimes forget I have my contacts in and try to push my non-existant glasses up my
nose!! (Thérèse I swear I'm not copying you, I was shocked when I read that you do it,
I thought it was just me!! lol)
9. I never have the same hairstyle for two days running. Even when I've had it cut, I can
NEVER get it to look like that again the next day, EVER. So I just go for the mad scientist
look and tend to style my hair with my hands. I haven't used a brush on my hair for at
least ten years, maybe more. Unfortunately this means I am quite possesive and vain
about my hair, even when it's a mess I don't usually let people touch it!
10. I sometimes get panic attacks, and become very nervous, I don't make it obvious, I just
tend to go quiet and concentrate on something like the floor, or a pen in someone's hand,
etc until it passes. This usally can look a bit phsycho as I have to concentrate on the
object and give it my full attention, otherwise I'd give in to it and leave the room!
11. I'm very honest about myself. I find myself telling people things and then wondering why
I said it! If it's true about me then I'll say it, whether it makes me look bad or not.
12. I walk very quickly. I can walk slowly, but because I walked to church with my freind
who's 6'6 for years, I had to learn to walk quickly to keep up with his long strides and the
13. Sometimes I limp a bit, on some days, because of the MS making my legs a bit stiff.
14. I have MASSIVE calf muscles!! I don't know why, but I do. They make my legs look fat!
15. I sometimes stutter when I'm exited about something or nervous.
16. I don't tend to shave very often, and have stubble 90% of the week.
17. If I get excited about something, I can talk about it for hours, literally, and go off subject.
18. I'm alot skinnier than I used to be. I'm now 9 and a half stone, I used to be 11 and a half
and look like a small round barrel! lol
19. I usually react two ways to meeting new people: either I go completely nuts and over the
top, and act really silly, or I'm really withdrawn, quiet and shy. I can go either way with
different types of people, but don't know why! There is no middle way with me.
20. When I sing about God, my voice changes. I can't explain it, but I feel it after about a
second that it's gonna be different. It probably doesn't sound any different to the people
listening, but I know it immediately.
21. Sometimes I look at people so that they can see what I want to say through my eyes. I
don't mean anger, but sometimes I want to communicate through a look, when I can't
get the words out.
22. When I lead in church I don't use music, I know all of the songs off by heart, though I
don't know how, because I may not have looked at a particular song for years, but I just
know it. Once I've sung something once, I know the chords. This creates problems for
the rest of the group who read music and need to turn to the next song in their books!!
23. Sometimes I can be quiet, even in a group of people. It's not because I'm in a mood, it can
be because I can't think of anything important or worth saying!! So I don't.
24. I love my guitar, and sometimes I play it while having a conversation with someone, sort
of like very mellow background music. People think they're disturbing me, so they
usually cut conversations short, but I could carry on and hold a really deep conversation
while plucking the strings. I find it can sometimes calm people. It certainly calms me!!
Well, that's it for now, not very interesting really!
I might write some more when I think about it!
Scribbled by Jm at 7:58 pm
Somedays, you wish you hadn't got out of bed.
Today I had an old aqquaintance visit me in the shop with his wife, telling me about his new job and blossoming marriage. I'm really pleased for him, but it left me feeling empty, then jealous, then guilty for feeling empty and jealous.
I don't seem to be able to enjoy my freind's happiness at the moment, when my life feels so empty and lacking direction. I really wish I could enjoy theirs joys, but every time someone tells me some good news, it feels like a kick in the teeth at the moment.
I've jus been to see "Wedding Crashers" which is actually quite funny, but I ended up leaving at the end of the film really quite low. It's hollywood ending of the guy getting the girl back and all being right with the world despite huge setbacks really got to me tonight.
Life just isn't like that. It never has been for me.
And the relationship I wrecked with the girl I wanted didn't magically get repaired, it ended messily with me feeling empty. I've never had the chance to tell her how I feel about her, and it's been eating me up for the last few months.
She had a smile that could light up a room, and although we'd only been going out a short while there was a "spark" there between us, if you know what I mean. I just let my own stupid insecurity get in the way and wreck things.
I wish I could turn the clock back but I can't. And now I just find myself thinking about her all the time, and not being able to do anything about it. The film reminded me of what I'd stupidly thrown away.
Now I find myself constantly going over old ground, living in the past, and comparing every girl I like the look of and get on with, with her. After three months, no-one's matched or even come close. I hate the fact that I'm condemned by my own choices, the fact that I've no-one else to blame but myself.
Ah what's the point.
Scribbled by Jm at 1:03 am
Thursday, July 14, 2005
1. DO NOT, under any circumstances try to attempt to return a book that is obviously over a
year old, saying that you didn't like it, but couldn't get in to return it.
2. PLEASE DO NOT under any circumstances ask for "books about the heart", or other such
general ideas of a title of a book. If you don't know the title, just say so.
It's ok not to know, really. In fact we prefer it when you own up, it's like being a part of the A.A.
We don't mind looking for you if you admit you don't know, just PLEASE, PLEASE don't attempt to guess the title. You are a customer and therefore stupid, you will never in a million years bring back from the depths of your unconscious mind the title, no matter how hard you screw your face up, or just stand there.
3. Colour of cover is NOT a category we can search on. No matter what you've been told.
4. We are NOT deaf so please DO NOT shout at us.
5. If you are, tell us and then WE can shout at you.
6. Authors write books on specific subjects. This is a generally accepted fact. Therefore if you
are searching for " a book on being a christian" we will not find it. State what you mean
clearly and slowly, pausing to breathe if helpful. If it helps, pretend we are irish.
7. If the person serving you takes a deep breath several times in the space of 30 seconds, this
means you are an idiot and need to either learn to use the english language properly or just
give up and learn klingon.
8. If I say a book is out of print, it is because I have researched and know my job. It is not
because I am trying to ruin your idyllic day, or am part of a catholic / protestant /
charasmatic / reformed / baptist (insert any other common diabolical demonic enemy of
your own) conspiracy to rid the world of that particular teaching.
9. God did not write the Ten Commandments in 16th century english on the tablets of stone. It
was probably a semitic language, thousands of years before King James was born. Therefore
if you claim that this is the only version Christians should read and that God puts his stamp of
approval on it to the detriment of others, you have a mind denser than Superman's
10. Never under any circumstances, ask me to choose a card to be suitable for your one-legged
reformed albanian cousin twice removed who has fallen over and put a crack in her Great
Aunt's china set. I do not know her or the china set, and have no idea what she would like
in a card. You were born into that family, you choose the card.
11. I am not a heretic, I just interpret the Bible differently to you.
12. If I do not whoop with joy at the latest Lahaye book, it is nothing personal. It is not a
demonic oppression of your "joy".
13. There is no such thing as "Christian Music". That is in the same realm as "Pocket Sized
Large Print Bibles" which also do not exist. (p.s. please do not ask for them, I just said
they don't exist) There are groups of christians who are musicians and produce music, but
no one style of music is any more "christian" than the other.
14. Patience is not only a virtue it is a Gift of the Spirit, so if you are in a hurry, please don't
tut at me, I am going as fast as I can on the till. If you keep on tutting, I will swear under my
breath and drown you in burning coals as I start being unbearably nice to you on purpose.
Eventually you will either feel guilty, or I will have just made you even more late.
15. Books you have made notes in cannot be returned. If you didn't find it helpful, why did you
write notes in it???!
16. Chip-And-Pin is NOT a tool of the Antichrist.
Scribbled by Jm at 11:46 pm
It's great when you suddenly realise you've got one day left in work before a whole week's holiday!!!
It's comparable to your first kiss, only better.
It's DEFINITELY better than your "first time", for those of you who know what I'm talking about.
Absolutely with no doubt, it is INFINITELY better than 30 seconds of any daytime television.
In fact, it's the best feeling ever. I've just decided.
Note it down please.
Scribbled by Jm at 10:57 pm
Sorry, couldn't think of a witty title, so thought I'd just be "generic"!!
"Generic" is a bit of a dull word.
It reminds me of a washing machine, or a hoover, or a nasty piece of domestic technology that involves sharp blades, switches, dangerous-looking implements, and when viewed upside down looks strikingly like a Dalek...
Incidentally, does anyone have one of those conical-shaped cheese graters??!
If you turn them upside down and stare at them intently, one of two things will happen:
1. after a while, the image of a slightly deformed but realistic dalek-like-figure will leap out at you, assaulting all your senses...
2. just at that moment, your best friend / parents / siblings / boyfriend / girlfriend / neighbour / random-stranger-who-just-dropped-in will appear, and cart you off to a mental institution, where you spend the rest of your days eating dry crackers, watching daytime tv, and reciting all the songs from The Sound Of Music and The Singing Detective....
Don't try the cheese grater thing.
It's too risky.
Scribbled by Jm at 10:48 pm
I had a microwave Chicken Balti for tea tonight, and now I can't stop hicc-cuping, and I SERIOUSLY want to belch badly.
Unfortunately it won't come out at the mo.
When it does, it's gonna be one of those type of belches that shakes the whole house and makes corpses come out of their tombs to see what's going on....
You know when you used to practice getting the longest word in a belch?
Well when this one comes, it's gonna spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious !!
The hicc-cuping is driving me nuts!!!
I wish it was trapped wind the other way, it'd be bad for a while but at least it'd be all over!! Hicc-cuping and needing to belch but can't is wellllllll worse!!
(having just said all that, for a microwave version, the Balti was gorrrrrrgeoussssssssss!)
Scribbled by Jm at 12:50 am
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
I've decided to go back to my old hairstyle from two months ago....
For those of you who don't know, I had purple hair, in a david beckham style mohican, with a white stripe along the top of it.
I liked my hair like that, and only dyed it back to blonde under pressure.
My hair like that reflected more of me as a person I think, which is essential!!
Therfore Im dye-ing it back/getting it cut next week!
I will be purple once more!! :-)
Scribbled by Jm at 8:04 pm
Ok, they rang today.
My interview for London Deputy Manager is next Thursday at 10am.
Im not nervous yet, but I'm sure I will be!!
I think I'm being interviewed by the manager, and a senior manager in the company.
Now I've just said that, I'm crapping myself!!
Scribbled by Jm at 7:57 pm
Ok, so I bought a pair of sneakers from the catalogue last week, and wore them proudly to church on Sunday. (yeh I know buying from a catalogue is like the chocaholics version of eating cooking chocolate when nothing else is in the house.... so bite me...)
Their colour is classed as "stone" which I obviously as a male, had no idea of! When they arrived I realised they menat a kind of beigey yellowy colour, which is ok. A bit girly I guess, but they go quite well with my faded jeans, so no probs there.
Unfortunately, when walking home from church in the gorgeous sunshine and slight breeze, I realised my feet were starting to hurt a little bit. I only live ten mins away from church, so I figured five more mins wouldn't hurt that much.
I was wrong.
By the time I got home, I had to take them off, and discovered a MASSIVE blister on my left heel. Although I ordered the right size, the style of the sneakers means that they rub against the back of my heel, I to my regret ignored this all the way home, and the blister also popped before I got them off, leaving a big hole in my foot!! I was amazed that it even bled!!
All this over a pair of new shoes!!
So ladies, although I will never wear any heels, I do sympathize with your pain!!
(suffice to say, Im getting some heel grip insole thingies, and a BIG plaster!)
Anyway, I still like my new sneakers, no pain no gain as they say....
Scribbled by Jm at 7:38 pm
Monday, July 11, 2005
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
I'm soooooooooooooooooo knackered at the moment.
Work has been really busy, with a recall of stock (TEN boxes!!) and our 6 monthly stocktake in the same week last week, and lot's of bookstalls to prepare this week, it's no wonder I'm so tired! My last week off was back in March, so I feel in the need of a break.
I'm off for a week from the 16th - 23rd of this month. Unfortunately my interview for London is halfway through the week, so I can't actually go anywhere, apart from London i suppose!!
I've got my two weeks holiday in September, I kinda regret leaving my full holiday so late now, as I'm feeling very tired lately, but I'll stick it out till then! At least I've only got another week and a half before a whole week off!! yay!!
I don't know what I'm doing on that week yet. I'll hasve to plan something, otherwise I'll end up staying in bed all day and not moving!! I don't mind doing that, the only problem is that my holidays have turned into that before, and while I enjoy it at the time, afterwards I feel like I've wasted a week, because I didn't particularly do anything!!
Because my life is so exciting, (!) I'm waiting for my next two dvd's on my own list from blockbuster online to arrive, it's a really good service, and they have a good choice of films to choose from aswell. I get three dvd's sent at a time, and when I send them back in the envelope provided, they send the next three. All that for only £14.99 a month!! If you're sad and spend most of your life in your house like me, it's actually quite a good deal!! I've sent two back, and am about to watch my third dvd they sent, which is "Master & Commander:The far Side Of The World". Russell Crowe stars. I've actually seen it when it was in the cinema, but remember enjoying it, so am watching it again!! (I'm strange like that!)
I've been thinking ALOT about London lately. I really want to get the job and move, I've tried not to give in to the temptation to build my hopes up, but I think I have. If I don't get it I think I'm going to be gutted, as it appears to be a new start, which I feel I need at the moment.
I feel so lost, and am spending so much time on my own at the moment, that I feel moving somewhere where I only know the person I was lodging with, could be a positive move!! I'd get the chance to meet new people, new situations, etc. I feel trapped here. I guess if God doesn't want it though, i won't be going. I really want to though. *sigh*
Scribbled by Jm at 9:29 pm
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Three newly married men were sitting in a bar together bragging how they had given their new wives housework duties.
The first man had married a woman from Albania.
He bragged that he had told his wife she was to do all the washing up, laundry, dusting and cleaning in the house.
He said that on the first day he didn't see anything but on the second day he came home to a clean house, the dishes were all washed and put away and the laundry too had been done.
The second man had married a woman from the Ukraine.
He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, washing up and the cooking.
He told them that the first day he did not see any results but the next day it was better.
By the third day his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Liverpool.
He boasted that he told his wife that her duties were to keep the house clean, the dishes washed, the lawn mowed, the laundry done and hot meals on the table for every meal.
He said that on the first day he did not see anything, the second day he still did not see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.
Scribbled by Jm at 12:28 am
Click on the title to find out what I'm responding to...
Yep. I have exactly the same problem, although 95% of the time I don't blog about it. I couldn't. I just have FAR too many totally random thoughts going through my head at any one time!!
When you're a kid, they give it a nice polite name: "daydreaming".
When it carries on as an adult, you're known as "lazy", "distracted", "distant", or have a "low attention span".
Unfortunately, I've always been like that since I was little, and although I do control my mind a bit better now, I find if I stop doing "things" even for a few seconds, then I'll drift off into deep thoughts about something or whisk myself away somewhere imaginary.
It's really strange, sometimes I'm not even aware of it, and then a colleague says "hello?... hello?... anybody home?..." and I realise I've been doing it again!!
It is fun though!
So Kat, don't worry, you're in good company!!
Scribbled by Jm at 12:15 am
Monday, July 04, 2005
Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch. Nightclub and dating vernacular, and not gender specific. (Ack. JHB)
But Unfortunately Not Dead Yet. Nurses' and doctors receptionists' shorthand, but has many other applications elsewhere. I am informed that an extended version: TF-BUNDY (where the TF stands for 'Totally Fecked') is in routine use in at least one region of the UK. A further example of how dark humour is used to counter the darker aspects of human experience. (Ack DW)
Breathing Valuable Air. (ODSA) Apparently used in Los Angeles by nurses as a comment about less deserving patients. Amusing and highly efficient, and transferable to a wide variety of situations. (Ack KT)
Can't Remember A Fucking Thing. Used to describe a tedious training course or meeting, or one of those awful roadshow 'pep up the workers' presentations by the new CEO. Eg, "I'm so motivated since seeing the CRAFT presentation/being on the CRAFT course." (Ack Liam Speden)
Compulsive Use Of Acronyms. Not guilty....... There is the true story of the meeting that took place in a particular government office to discuss the effects of EMU. Some considerable time into the meeting it was discovered that half of the participants thought they were there to discuss the European Monetary Union, while the other half were thinking about Environmental Monitoring and Utilisation. (With thanks to Kevin Thomas.)
Do I Look Like I Give A Flying Fig? (Polite version.) For when you're totally unconcerned at someone else's predicament (someone wants a cigarette break, or is late for your presentation). Also great for illustrating the 'apathetic worker' syndrome. Eg 'We have fifteen engineers, but fourteen of them are DILLIGAFFs.' (Acknowledgments to Dr Neale Roney.)
Dead Right There. (ODSA) Doctors and nurses shorthand acronym for a patient found dead at the scene.
Dead Right There, There, There, and There. (ODSA) Nurses and doctors abbreviation, as DRT above, but used for pedestrian-train incidents. This outrageous acronym is an example of the human species' tendency to use humour when dealing with horrific trauma.
Equipment Superior to Operator. Coded acronym written on a work-order by a technician that means 'There's nothing wrong with this equipment - the problem is the owner.' See also PEBCAK, BDU, PICNIC, UBAD and DISFOB. (ack PM Christian)
Everything To Attract Men. It was suggested to me a while ago that this is the origin of the ladies fashionwear chain name. I suspect it isn't, but it's an amusing acronym all the same - maybe someone out there knows the truth?
Fanatical, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. Alternative ironic acronym response to the universal question, 'How are you?.....' (Ack D Jenkins)
Fat Little Ugly Fellow. Polite version. For a short boss with Napoleonic syndrome. (Ack D Harrison)
Frequently Outwitted By Inanimate Objects. Ideal for anyone struggling with one of those ridiculous picnic tables, or trying to remove the cellophane from a new CD, not to mention crisis situations caused by errant cars, computers, mobile phones, and the FOBIO challenge of them all - flat-pack self-assembly furniture.
God Alone Knows. Originally British First World War doctor's shorthand on a traumitised soldier's medical report for shell-shock or other nervous disorder (this prior to any official recognition of nervous condition resulting from months or years active service under fire and bombardment). Nowadays GAK serves as an incredulous reponse to any unfathomable question. See also NYDN.
Genial Old Farts Enjoying Retirement. Super demographics acronym, allegedly originally seen on the back of a caravan touring Australia; now much used at retirement parties. Alternative meaning in similar context is Genial Old Fisherman Enjoying Recreation. (Ack LA)
Husband Is Village Idiot. Classic nurses' shorthand.
I Blame Microsoft. Specially for those who find it difficult to accept responsibility for their own actions, or more usually, inactivity. (Acknowledgments to Dr Neale Roney.) Alternatively and amusingly I've Been Moved (ack P Larson). And additionally these interpretations from the 1970's: I'm in Blue Material (referring to the standard IBM business suit), and I've Been to Manchester (referring to the supposed reluctance of IBM's American executives to travel into bandit country, i.e. more than three miles from central London (ack B Cavalot).
Idiot. Not an acronym obviously but worthy of inclusion. The 'ID Ten T' code has been used by technical service people for years, and probably explains very well a large proportion of user-reported faults and queries. See also UBAD, ID10T, BDU, PEBCAK and PICNIC.
Interrupt, Patronise, Argue, Threaten, Terminate, Apply Penalties. A less than ideal customer service process for dealing with complaints and dissatisfied customers - widely exhibited, especially by large organizations in the finance, insurance and telecoms sectors. The acronym is useful to remind all exponents of poor customer service how not to do it...
I'd Rather Be In Ambridge. You've seen people with that 'IRBIA' look on their face, when the real world is getting to be too much. When they'd rather be somewhere else, far away from the pressures of a particularly tedious meeting or training course. (Ambridge is the fictional and normally idyllic home to Radio 4's 'The Archers'.)
Innovations Subscribers Don't Need. Amusing alternative interpretation of the abbreviation's original meaning: Integrated Services Digital Network, in other words a digital telephone line. Another alternative meaning: I Still Don't Know. (Ack Q Armitage) And another amusing meaning of ISDN: It Still Does Nothing. (Ack D McNally)
Longitudinal And Directional Distance Extremity Reacher. Perhaps one of the silliest and most wonderful reverse acronyms ever to have been devised. (Ack M Rand)
Lazy Ignorant Fool Expecting Retirement. One of the many amusing acronyms with miltary origins, with wider potential applications. The armed forces offer relatively short timescales by which staff can retire on a full pension, hence the expression to describe people who fail to make the most of their opportunities and efforts. The term has also been spotted in the education sector. (Ack DR)
Maximum Buggerance Factor. If something can go wrong then it almost certainly will do, so when planning anything always build in an MBF contingency. (Ack PK)
No Cretin There. Polite version. Written on delivery notes by drivers returning to base after finding nobody in to accept delivery of bathroom suite/5 tonnes of gravel/new photocopying machine, etc. (Ack B Johnson)
(k)Nickers Off Ready When I Come Home. As featured on countless thousands of wartime envelopes from the front-line, to sweethearts living with Mum and Dad back home. It's a wonder that the silent K survived in the word ..... Still, 'KORWICH' doesn't have quite the same ring. (See ITALY, SWALK and HOLLAND)
Oh Shit I Never Thought Of That. Great for project management. (Thanks KT)
Proctodynia By Proxy. (ODSA) Highly amusing healthcare abbreviation to describe a condition suffered by clinical staff. Proctodynia is the medical term for rectal pain, so a patient/colleague who is very demanding/unreasonable is a pain in the arse for the other staff, causing them PBP. The PBP expression is therefore extremely transferable to all types of work, relationship and service situations. (ack ET)
Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard. One of the great modern acronyms. Usage not restricted to the computer operators - apply to any situation where the human element contributes the weakest link. (ack Don Clark) See also PICNIC, UBAD, DISFOB, and the ID 10 T code.
Problem In Chair Not In Computer. Shorthand of IT technical support staff to describe 'confused' users. Sister acronym to PEBCAK (Ack D Chadwick) See also BDU, ID10T, UBAD, ESO and DISFOB.
Piss(ed) Off, Looking After Rockets In Submarines. Naval shorthand for enforced tedium or 'do not disturb', and adaptable for other specialised management responsibilities, eg; (looking after) Ramblers In Scotland, Railways In Stevenage, Robots In Siberia, etc. (Ack PF)
Sending Ageing Grannies Abroad. Unlikely to be the origin of the SAGA holiday company name, but amusing nevertheless. Alternatively (Ack A Rudland) Sex And Games for the Aged. Alternatively (ack M Paget) Sex Always Gratefully Accepted.
Stroppy Ignorant Git. (ODSA). A good one for customer service training (ironic reference of course). Alternatively: Special Interest Group. (Ack B Keywood)
Sod This For A Game Of Soldiers. Saint Fagos - the Patron Saint of thankless tasks. When you next hear someone utter the oath, 'For the love of St Fagos...', while struggling with a pointless report or piece of daft analysis, you will know what they mean. Also St Fagoc - conkers instead of soldiers... (Ack T Beecroft)
Scientific Wild Arsed Guess. This is ideal for those situations when someone can't bring themselves to come up with an opening estimate, even though they're the best placed person to do so. Great for encouraging technical/detailed/finisher people who might be uncomfortable with the vagueness of the start of the creative process. WAG = shortened less scientific form. (Ack. Don Clark)
Those Having Insufficient Cerebral Kinesis. Amusing, esoteric, and utterly non-politically correct term. If using this it's as well to understand exatly what it means to avoid being undone by someone bold enough to demand a proper explanation, so: in this context kinesis means broadly 'body activity', from the root Greek kinein, meaning to move. Cerebral of course relates to the brain and thinking, from Greek kara, meaning head, and later Latin cerebrum, meaning brain. (Ack F Guertler)
Three Letter Acronym. Of course.
That Looks About Right. The TLAR standards - recognised all around the world - amusing and very important sounding Quality Assurance Standard acronym, ideal for giving humourous emphasis to sorts of issues relating to quality management and customer service. (Ack KH)
Take Out Back And SHoot. (ODSA) Superb nurses abbreviation shorthand for the worst patients. Commonly and covertly used in Los Angeles, and no doubt elsewhere. (Ack KT)
Technology Without An Interesting Name. 'TWAIN' is the de facto compliance interface standard for scanning devices, and the name of the group formed in 1992 (by vendors such as Adobe, Ricoh, Xerox and Kodak) with the purpose of developing and promoting the 'TWAIN Initiative'. TWAIN actually originated as as a metaphorical name - not an acronym - based on literal meaning of twain, which is 'two' or 'two things'. Inspiration for this came from the opening line of Rudyad Kipling's 1889 poem, Ballad Of East And West: "Oh, East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet." Considering that the technology is concerned with connecting two functions - that of driver and application - this seems perfectly logical. However, the clever folks at TWAIN decided to use the word in upper case (apparently to improve its distinctiveness), which contributed first to the belief that is was an acronym, and next to a competition to create an acronym root phrase retrospectively from the word (sponsored by who or what I don't know), with the result that many now believe the word came from the acronym and not vice-versa. The TWAIN group iteself acknowledges that the expression continues to haunt the standard. Incidentally the next lines of the poem are:
"...Till Earth and Sky stand presently at God's great Judgment Seat;
But there is neither East nor West, Border, nor Breed, nor Birth,
When two strong men stand face to face, tho' they come from the ends of the earth!"
(Ack. M Rosling)
User Being A Dickhead. Another terrible yet highly amusing technical support insult, used to describe an inept customer. (Ack G Jones) See also BDU, DISFOB, PEBCAK, PICNIC, and ID10T.
Unexplained Beer Injury. (ODSA) Drunk, with injuries of unknown origin. Acronym from Nova Scotia orthopaedics nusing, and widely applicable elsewhere. (Ack KP)
Unusually Nasty Infection; Vultures Are Circling. (ODSA) Wonderful dark humour self-explanatory healthcare acronym from orthopaedic nursing in Nova Scotia, Canada. (Ack KP)
Village Idiot On Tour. Informal acronym used by London Transport staff to describe certain types of visitor to London, particularly those struggling to comprehend the Underground system and blaming everyone but themselves for their confusion. (Ack A Butler)
Yet Another Hierarchical Officious Oracle. Yahoo founders Yang and Filo maintain they only chose the YA (Yet Another) part of the acronym, and then opted for the word Yahoo when it leapt out of the dictionary at them, which I guess counts out one of the other possible interpretations: You Always Have Other Options. Remaining ones are: Yet Another Helpful Operation Origin and Yet Another Hypertext Online Organiser.
Acute Gravity Attack. (Patient fell over)
Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination.
I really shouldn't be laughing at these, but I think I've just wet myself.... Lol lol lol lol lol lol
Scribbled by Jm at 11:48 pm
It's the 4th of July, and the wind is cold and I can hear the rain pattering heavily against my bedroom window...
At last, British summertime has returned...
*sighs a little contented sigh*
Oh, and I haven't blogged of late because.... well.... there's no easy way to say this...
Nothing that could be of any remote interest to anybody else has happenned in my life recently...
Unless you count watching Live 8 all evening on Saturday...
Nah, maybe not.
Scribbled by Jm at 8:07 pm