And because her music makes me think of summer...
I've decided to put her video on my blog for this week....
Friday, April 29, 2005
Scribbled by Jm at 8:54 am
You Are 14 Years Old
Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.
Scribbled by Jm at 8:51 am
Your Seduction Style: Ideal Lover
You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires.
And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek.
You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships.
It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is.
Scribbled by Jm at 8:46 am
You May Be a Bit Obsessive Compulsive ...
Meticulous and detailed oriented, you have some irrational obsessions.
Maybe it's your super neat closet or washing your hands a gazillion times.
You probably know it's weird, but you just can't stop thinking about it.
In fact, the more you think about your quirks, the more you have to do them.
Scribbled by Jm at 8:42 am
Your Birthdate: August 30
Your birthday on the 30th day of the month shows individual self-expression is necessary for your happiness.
You tend to have a good way of expressing yourself with words, certainly in a manner that is clear and understandable.
You have a good chance of success in fields requiring skill with words.
You can be very dramatic in your presentation and you may be a good actor or a natural mimic.
You have a vivid imagination that can assist you in becoming a good writer or story-teller.
Strong in your opinions, you always tend to think you are on the right side of an issue.
There may be a tendency to scatter your energies and have a lot of loose ends in your work.
You may have significant artistic talent and be very creative.
Scribbled by Jm at 8:36 am
Ah how we miss it everyday...
Let me give you an example:
6:37 am - a prehistoric sluggard creature, emerges from it's lair, sanctimoniously grunting and growling with the effort of arising. The day ahead seems long and hard, fraught with dangers at every turn, yet somehow the creature knows another way... Hope is within it's reach!! It slopes into it's small yet comforting second lair....
7:00 - the creature is gone, and in it's place a sentient, emotional and (fairly) intelligent being.
Witness the Power of the Hot Shower!!!!!!!!!
Ah. Miracles indeed.
Scribbled by Jm at 8:23 am
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Till I will be screaming like the big girl's blouse that I am, plastered into a very scary and fast rollercoaster!!
Just over two weeks 'till Alton Towers folks!!!
I've just got my ticket!!
Scribbled by Jm at 8:49 pm
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Your element is Water. You have a calm aura around
you and are in tune with the world around. You
observe it but rarely interfere. Because of
your shy and timid nature you will not have so
many friends in your life. But then again,
large crowds aren't your thing anyway. You are
comfortable on your own and are reserved to
others who you don't know or know very little
of. You know everyone out there does not want
to be your friend, and knowing that is good.
However, people who don't know you that well
thinks that you are cold and distant since you
don't want to talk to them. Although you mean
no harm, you can't always be perfectly
understood in the world. No one can. Life in
general are you quite serene with even if there
are some things you don't like. Your love-life
is not so full of boys/girls, but if you
flirted more with the ones you were interested
in I'm sure something would happen. The hobbies
you choose are calmer ones, you are no party
girl that likes to drink and make-out with
three or more guys/girls in one night. Reading
a book or swimming is more your thing. Rate and
What is your element? [with pics + 7 outcomes + detailed answeres!]
brought to you by Quizilla
Scribbled by Jm at 12:47 am
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
I'm really worried now people. That's the second quiz who's results have made out I'm female...
This is not good!!
Which Incredibles Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla/font>
Scribbled by Jm at 11:56 pm
I have managed to get the Saturday of Bank Holiday (this weekend) off, and I can't find anywhere to go. It's so frustrating!!
I just wanted to get away, book a flight anywhere and just go, but with it being bank holiday, everywhere's expensive, and all the flights are a bit beyond what I can afford, being on such a crap wage.
Im just gonna chill at home, and stay in.
I am gonna book some weekends in advance though. Maybe Prague or Amsterdam for a weekend, go see the sights, take some pictures, chill out etc. If I book them enough in advance, I could get them pretty cheap I reckon.
I really wanted to get away this weekend.
That's my life at the moment to a tee I guess!
Scribbled by Jm at 10:14 pm
What's the cruelest form of rejection?
If you do that, you're telling someone they don't matter, they're not worth your time.
I know how that feels now.
And it hurts.
Today I finally realised I lost a friend that was important to me, and the hardest thing about it is that it's all so pointless. It could all be avoided with a bit of open-ness, but apparently that's too hard to do. Apparently the friendship wasn't worth working on or saving. And that I find desperately, desperately sad. I may have been the one in the wrong but I've admitted it, but that doesn't count.
I hate what life does to us as people.
Scribbled by Jm at 12:32 am
Monday, April 25, 2005
Today was quiet in work, I unpacked a parcel very slowly and listened to music.
I watched (as I usually do when it's deathly) people scurrying past outside the window, to-ing and fro-ing, strangers looking like lab rats running with no direction. I wondered who they were, what they do, who they love, how their life is.
I usually ponder alot standing behind the counter, sort of like a waking daydream. I used to daydream alot as a child, mainly because I had no real friends.
Anyhow, back to today. Val my colleague asked if she could go ten mins early as she had to be at a parent's evening at her daughter's school. I said of course that was fine, as it meant I could have the last ten minutes of the day by myself, alone in a quiet shop. I listened to one of my favourite songs, still watching people dashing back and forth, and closed at 5:30.
I went upstairs to finish off the end of day stuff: switching off the office computer, putting the till drawer away, washing my cup up, and all the other end of day things...
Then I burst into tears.
I cried for half an hour, upstairs in the office, not just your ordinary tears, I mean the type that come in waves, that leave you gulping for breath, the type that you actually feel coming out before your eyes actually start. I found myself taking huge gasping breaths inbetween sobs, not able to stop, not able to control myself. It was me and my sorrow, alone together.
At the moment, at this point in my life, I'm the unhappiest I've ever been.
It's not just because of a breakup, or because of my M.S, or because of my job, or church. I'm just generally struggling. Life seems an uphill struggle at the moment. I can't see a purpose or plan in my life, I can't see any future ahead, apart from more of the same. When I think about the future, I see a gaping black pit, with no light at the end of the tunnel; one reference point of light would be good, all I see are shades of light mixed with darkness so that the end result is a dreary mediocre grey, that infects every area of my life.
During that half hour, I kept thinking back to my childhood, my lack of real friends, my senior school, and again the lack of true friends. Alot of images came out, very hurtful things people have said and done to me. Probably mostly not deliberate, but painful to bear nonetheless. You know the picture: the short childish kid who's the butt of everyone's jokes, the "wierd kid" who everyone avoids talking to; the kid who seems to live in a little world of his own, who sits on his own, who eats on his own. What I've realised tonight is that that little kid is still here, even though he's older now, he's less able than ever to handle rejection and hurt.
I really am strange. I find in myself someone who looks at the world literally through a child's eyes; who gets confused when people are mean and nasty and awful to each other; who gets upset when he sees someone being treated unfairly; who can't understand why if he loves someone they cant love him back; who gets frustrated that some people seem threatened by genuine caring; all these things and more I've struggled to come to terms with most of my adult life, and I still can't.
I am so exhausted now, I still feel the remnants of the crying episode even now. I'm still finding myself filling up, thinking of all the hurt I encounter everyday in myself and other people. There's so much pain about, and I'm finidng it so hard to deal with at the moment. I wish God had made me different, I wished I had a heart of lead that could allow problems, hurts and dissapointment to just bounce off of, like a kevlar vest.
I guess at the heart of it all, at the moment, the core of my struggle, is that my life, at present, and as I look back, has been and is a dissapointment to me.
I don't know how you recover from that.
All I can say is, that at the most awful point tonight, when I thought I was never gonna stop crying, when I thought I would just cry and cry until I dropped dead of grief, God was there with me. I can't explain it, and I don't want to. I just knew.
I don't know what's happening in my life at the moment, but I do know that God loves me, and that is literally the only thing keeping me going.
When God touches your life in a special way, when you feel his presence beside you, it's something no words could ever express. I've known Jesus since I was 9 years old, and desite the awful, hungry, cavernous black hole in my heart at the moment, I know he's in there somewhere, because he promised to never leave me or forsake me. I find myself filling up as Im typing this, because as unhappy as I am, I believe that.
What is life about, really? For me it's Jesus.
There's no one else who has ever been as close. No one else has ever been there right at the moment I needed them; when the panic starts and you feel like your heart is about to burst and your world is caving in; when ur head screams that nobody cares and your heart starts to agree; when your life seems to be an endless series of heartbreaks and dissapointments; when ur ability to doubt outgrows your ability to believe; in all of this, through my life, one person has been there;
Jesus. the One who loves me.
These aren't words that I loftily type from a padded ivory tower, free from pain and placed in the heights of intellectual obscurity and detachment. These are words formed in the furnace of this painful, sad and desperate world, where this little boy that is me gets hurt and wounded every day. I'm not what I should be, but I'm not what I was.
I don't know why I wrote all this. I find the christian life a real struggle, the hardest part being the struggle to accept myself as someone who is His beloved.
But I'm grateful beyond words that i am, that He would love me so much to give up everything, and die for me. That His passion for me outweighs my passion for Him.
Scribbled by Jm at 8:56 pm
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Ok so it's my day off today.
I slept in 'till 11, because I couldn't get to sleep last night, so ended up chattin on msn till 2:40!!
I've felt a bit rough today understandably! So it's handy that I've got an appointment at the Docs at 4. I'll be hopefully signing up for some anti-depressants, as my moods have been all over the place lately. Coffee always helps, especially filter stuff!! Mmmmm...
Anyway, today has been a quiet day for me, but not for my sis. She has a presentation to do at college, and her pc flipped out with all her stuff on it!!! It was the stuff of nightmares, and she was really stressed, so I offered to re-type the stuff out, and print out her handouts. She's doing a media and film course, so she had lot's of pics to print out, and I think I may have used most of my ink in my printer!! :s lol Oh well!
At least she got the stuff done, I hope it goes well for her. (she's rushing offf now)
I've had a strange week so far, my moods have been up and down, but physically I haven't been too good. I've not been sleeping properly, and have had quite a lot of muscle spasms in my leg, and a lot of "nervous activity" in my muscles. It's kinda hard to explain, but is similar to when you bang ur funny bone, and the strange pain sensation you get. It's a bit like that, but more intense.
I've been trying not to, but I've been thinking alot about Adele this week. I was upset that I stuffed the r'ship up, but I'm more upset that we've had no contact. I feel like I've lost a good friend, which is very hard. Ever since Gaz and Gen moved to South Africa, the people I counted on as my true friends, and my soul mates, I've never really found a replacement for them. I've made new friends, but it's not the same.
I think that's what makes all this so hard. I thought I'd found what I was looking for in Adele, and then because I was so desperate to keep it, I got really intense.
Off to make a coffee, I feel in a pondering mood today...
Scribbled by Jm at 3:39 pm
All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.
4. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"
5. "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
7. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
8. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa.. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
9. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."
10. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
11. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
12. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
13. And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
14. Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
15. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
16. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
17. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard.. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
18. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
19. Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."
20. Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
(THIS ONE BELOW IS MY FAVOURITE!!!)
21. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight.
Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!"
Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
Ahahaha hahahahahahahaha ha haha!!!
*falls off chair laffin*
Scribbled by Jm at 12:17 am
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Ok so my blog is getting depressing.
Not surprising really considering I'm depressed...
I have decided to try and reverse the trend...
Below find a joke that made me giggle:
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown Ostrich behind him.
As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders.
The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the Ostrich,
"What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the Ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the Ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the Ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again.
"The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man, "same for me," says the Ostrich. A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62." Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man,”several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there." "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the Ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses, and answers,”My second wish was for A Tall Chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."
hahaha ha haha hahaha
Scribbled by Jm at 11:03 pm
My friend's wife has just gone into hospital to be induced with their first baby. My other friend has just emailed to say she's just given birth to their first baby.
It should be good news, it should be a time for celebration, but I feel insanely jealous.
I haven't blogged for a while.
I've been up and down emotionally like a yo-yo, and frankly, I'm a bit fed up of it. Why is it that I can't seem to settle on one emotion at a time, instead of three at once, barricading me in?
I'm off to the docs tommorrow, to try and sort it out, hopefully they can give me something that will make me a bit more stable. In work I've managed to keep it under control, but once I'm home, I'm like a bear with a sore head, and then fine, and then not. My family must think I'm a nutter. I feel like I'm a teenager again, wanting to be cooped up in my own room, away from the eyes and ears of everyone else. I'm 30 years old for God's sake!!
I could go on and on, but I'm sure it will bore people. Who the hell really reads this anyway?
Yes, I'm a Christian, yes I believe God wants the best for me, but my heart is finding trouble accepting that at the moment, even though my head firmly believes it. I've always dreaded becoming one of those people that moans and whines about their life, and makes everyone they come into contact with, wish that they'd never met, but it seems I am becoming one of those people. And I know that this is a totally selfish post, full of self pity. I can recognize it. That's just how I feel at the moment.
Why is it so hard to find someone to love? Is it so difficult? Is it too much I'm asking of God? Can I have even a little bit of purpose, a little sign that I'm not just wasting time treading water? Is there any point to my job, my life? If so, what is it? Even just a little glimpse of something in the future that's good and will last, even that would be worth all this struggle.
All the things I've dreamed of since I was younger, as I look back, everything without fail has collapsed and fallen to bits, even things that will seem insignificant and stupid to other people except me, like wanting to do something with my music, wanting someone who loves me like I love them, (that'd be a change) wanting to know that I have a point, I have a purpose.
Every time I get a twitch in my leg, everytime my muscles go really weak, I keep thinking is this it? Is this when my legs give way and I'm in a wheelchair? I feel so, so tired at the moment, and feel like giving up. Why shouldn't I let this disease just take over, do what it wants to me? Why am I bothering to take daily injections to stop what is probably inevitable anyway? EVERY single person I've talked to with M.S, says it does eventually get worse, and you have to deal with not doing things you used to do, learn to live life a bit slower.
I feel so trapped in a life that's not actually my own. Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped inside my own body, watching a person that looks like me but actually isn't, live out my life for me. It's a strange thing to watch your own life in detatchment, and to be a spectator in your own life.
I so want to gig in a rock band at the moment, I have a marshall amp, and an Ibanez JS-100, but it's no fun on your own. Last year when I felt like this, at least I had a band to take my frustration out on, now I haven't even got that. I feel like Jonah the Moaner at the end of his book, saying "it's not fair!". Yeh, and please don't remind me what God said to him about the withered plant, I know the ending. I know I should be thankful for things, but I feel so hurt at the moment I know what I should do but I can't do it. And all the time, I'm supposed to carry on leading worship in church every week. Every time I get up there at the front I feel like a total hypocrite.
God, what do you WANT from me?!
Scribbled by Jm at 9:21 pm
Thursday, April 14, 2005
It's often said that God uses us at our weakest, because that's when we don't fight Him anymore...
Today was interesting.
I woke up feeling really ill and very very depressed, unwilling to even get out of bed, never mind go to work. Because I hadn't slept properly, my symptoms were worse today, and I had lots of tiny muscle spasms, resulting in a wierd sensation where ur legs feel like a bundle of nervous energy, and you wonder whether u'll just fall over. I had a lot of back pain aswell, right down the centre of my spine. My apathy actually made me late for work, and I forgot to take lunch with me. The day started off real bad, and the shop was busy. (I much prefer it when it's quiet)
A girl walked into the shop, I'm guessing she was about 20, totally out of the blue, obviously feeling out of place, (she didn't 'look' like a christian, if you know what I mean) but nevertheless looking at a Bible on the front table.
She came up to the counter to ask how to use it, so I showed her how to look up chapters and verses, and how to use the index at the front to find which book she wanted, etc. She knew so little about the Bible, she didn't even realise that it contained more than one book.
She asked me if it was ok to sit on the stool in the corner and read it, so sensing something was amiss, said sure why not!
The poor girl sat there for about ten minutes with a frown on her face, avidly reading. It was obvious she'd never really read the bible before. After a while, she asked one of my part-timers, Karen some questions. I couldn't really hear what they were talking about, but as it had quietened down in the shop, I was suddenly waved over by Karen.
It turned out she was brought up catholic, but had been speaking to/been bullied by a JW, who had told her stuff "from the bible" that had confused her. Karen went off to serve a customer, and deftly left me in it!! lol
Then ensued the most wonderful conversation I've had in a long time, when I got to share how God looks at us, starting with John 3:16, going through the "big" story of the bible, talking about God's plan to save us, and how Jesus lived, and proved he was God, telling her the story of the paralyzed man, and Jesus proving he was God by not just healing, but FIRST, forgiving sin. She asked lots of questions, but listened intently as I told her how much God loves each of us, that Jesus was God and he loved us so much he died for us on the cross. I told her about how God looks at us, and quoted how God sees us from the moment we're in our mother's womb, and how the Bible is God's love letter to each of us, and that if we read it, we can find out what God is really like... the conversation went on for a while, and I repeated myself several times saying "don't just take what I've said as the truth, check it against the Bible!".
We had a talk about how you pray, that you can pray anywhere any time, you don't have to do anything like light candles or bow to statues, it's just like talking to your best mate. I eventually ended the conversation and told her if she wanted the bible she could have it for free, as long as she promised me she would read it. You should have seen the smile!!!
We talked briefly about how to read the bible, and I told her to go away and find out for herself what Jesus was like, and how he shows us what God is like, by reading the Gospel of Mark. I told her that she could listen to people, but that she needed to discover Jesus for herself, and read about what he did and said. She looked very happy as she left. I prayed for her as she left, that she would read it. I felt I couldn't talk about God's free gift of grace and then charge her for the Bible!! (incidentally Im paying for it tommorrow!!)
Please pray for her. Her name is Rebecca and I told her if she had questions after reading Mark, to come back. She's a single mum, has a little boy, and I think she's really seeking to find out about God. What made her come into the shop today I can only guess was God, because she didn't look very comfortable until I started talking to her. Her face seemed to light up like a little kids when I told her about God's love, even though she said she didnt think Jesus was God, but she used to believe that as a kid. I hope and pray she comes back.
It was great to get to share about the God that I believe in, and am proud to know, and get to say a little of what He's done in my life. I hope as she reads, God opens up his word to her.
Today made me realise that God can still use me, even when I'm at my lowest!!
I love Jesus, no one loves me like Him.
Scribbled by Jm at 10:42 pm
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
I'm not gonna post much tonight as I'm knackered...
I got in at 4:30pm today, and spent most of the evening chatting on MSN to VJ and Therese!!
Unexpected, but pleasant!!
I'm now going to bed!!
I'll post pics and comments about Spring Harvest and this last week, tommorrow night!!
And Sven, I've decided comparing me to Martin Smith is now a HUGE insullt.
Scribbled by Jm at 1:10 am
Monday, April 04, 2005
I've got a "moderate" depression.
Not quite sure how that translates in normal speak, but I guess "moderate" is worse than "slight", and not as bad as "acute". I've signed up to speak to a counselor, but the waiting list is three months...
Also been offered anti-depressants, which is where the confusion starts...
Everyone I know who has used them says don't. Everyone I know with a medical background, (including the doctor himself) says why not?
I've got a week to think about it.
As if I needed even more reason to be depressed, I am going away tommorrow to a strange, super-spiritual event called Spring Harvest in a place known as Skegness. Each year, thousands of Christians descend on this excuse for a wilderness, er... I mean town, to be joyful and sing endless songs, and to be taught how to be a "better" Christian.
My company runs the bookstall for the event, which lasts three weeks, based in Butlins Holiday site. The bookshop is bigger than the shop I work in, but this year I've devolved all responsibility to other people. I'm not doing the cashing up, I'm not doing the Ordering, I'm not doing the organising shifts and rotas, I'm just going as the music person. This means that I get to stay all day in the funky music shop with all the plasma screens and gadgets. At least there'll be some plus to going this year...
Disclaimer: for those of you who enjoy spring harvest, I've probably come across a bit strongly negative. This is just a result of my mood at the moment, and no relection on the event or the people who run it itself... I'm just not looking forward to the long hours...
Anyway, I haven't even packed yet, as my packing skills are legendary. They just involve washing clothes, putting them in the tumble dryer, waiting for it to finish, and then stuffing them in a bag... That's it.
I'll go and start washing some clothes now... I've got loads of time, as I leave tommorrow morning at (eek!) 7:20 am from Lime Street Station.
Yes... That's right...
I'm getting the train there...
Four and a half hours later, I shall arrive in Skegness, weary and burdened.
At least I don't have to pay for my food or accomadation...
Scribbled by Jm at 3:16 pm