Saturday, September 25, 2004


Just been to see it.

It was very violent but very well filmed.

Although I'm not usually a fan of Tom Cruise generally, he played the perfect cool calm and collected sociopath...

Made me think alot about the value of a human life. (or apparent lack of it in society) People are dying every day in the news, in Sudan, in the Hurricane...

But does it reallt bother us? Does it move us?

Not really. Life has become so cheapened, a person's life can be summed up in a soundbite on the news. Think about that. Someone dies, and we listen for 30 seconds, and switch channels.

What's wrong with us?

How have we become so unshockable, so deadened to suffering in the world?

Will think more on this...

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Oh dear........

Just been looking at a site someone passed on to me.

Have a look, by clicking on this post title...

How sad....

These people really do like looking at things blinkered don't they?

They're probably gonna tell God He was wrong and I'm not actually "saved" because I listen to Rock...

How very very sad...

It makes me angry, but I really can't be bothered, 'cos I reckon even if God came and told them Rock Music was fine, they'd call him a heretic too, such is the condition of their blinkered-ness and blindness...

Sunday, September 19, 2004


Dear Blog Surveyor,

Please find below all the posts from my old blog at AOL since July...

I'm off to bed now, I'm knackered after transferring all those!!

Blimey that was complicated cut and paste...


I'm back, but STILL on Hols!!! :-)

11 September 2004
Time: 11:30:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Happy
Music: Nicki Rodgers - Feeder Lane

Got back this morning at 12:30 am, and went to bed at 2:30am, after replying to all my emails and posts when I was away!! (I felt soooo popular, it was great! LOL )

I had, (as Tony the Tiger would say) a Grrrrrrrreat holiday!! I love Devon and Cornwall, and spent most of the week exploring lot's of different parts of it.

My favourite, (of which I'll show pics when I've got them) was a place called Tintagel. (pronounced "Tin-Tah-Gel" I think).

It's an old medieval site in ruins at the top of a very high cliff. Now that may not sound that impressive to you, but, experts think it may be the reality behind the King Arthur and Camelot Legends.

It was very exciting to go there, and it took me a while to walk to the top, but the views were amazing, and there was a real sense of history and atmosphere there. I loved it.

I'll talk more about it when I have the pics, needless to say it's brill!

I've got another week of hols in front of me now, as I shamelessly took two weeks off work, which I'm really glad about now, as I'm knackered from being away!!

I've got a busy first half to this week... I'm DJ'ing with my mate on a Christian Radio Station, and our show starts on Tuesday night!! I'm a little nervous, as I haven't had chance to edit all the mp3's I'm using yet, and haven't completely finished the programme as I've been away!!

It'll be ok though, I've got today, and Monday and Tuesday daytime to get it sorted. We've got a 2 hour programme, and I've done all the playlists, etc for the first hour, so I'm halfway there.

I can't wait, it's a bit of a doss actually, we just have a great laugh doing stupid things on air, and people seem to laugh at us being stupid, and... that's about it!!

If I wasn't an idiot, it'd be a really difficult show to do, but I am so that's ok!! lol

Anyhoo, gotta go and get showered, may write more about me hols, or the show later....


04 September 2004
Time: 00:05:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Ecstatic
Music: None - too late!!!

I'm off on my hols tommorrow to Cornwall for a week.

I can't wait!!

I have to get up very early tommorrow, so I'll have to get ready for bed soon, but couldn't resist one last post!! (I need to get a life, I know, hence the holiday.... ;) )

Being 30, is still ok so far, will keep updating how I feel about it throughout the year, but for now, I must dash!!!

I will write in a week's time, if anyone's interested!!!


It's finally happenned...

30 August 2004
Time: 01:03:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Surprised

I can't believe it. I'm 30.

I'm old.

It's a wierd feeling, 'cos I still act like I'm 16, even though when i was 16, being thirty seemed a long long time away in the distant future...

I don't feel any older at the moment, but do feel a little depressed at the fact of my age. I suppose if I was married with kids and an average house and job and car and health, then thirty wouldn't seem that bad!!

It's 'cos I haven't got any of those things that it feels such an empty experience at the moment. I wonder what it'll be like when I'm forty?! Will I be even more depressed, or just resigned to the fact that this is my life now?!

Gonna ponder these things as I go to sleep, and will post again tommorrow, as it's time for all Hobbitt's to be in their beds...


If I Was An Animal, I Would Be...

24 August 2004
Subject: If I Was An Animal, I Would Be...
Time: 00:42:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Surprised
Music: none

A WOLF. Apparently.

According to this test anyway!! Click the title to get it... ;-)

I'm not shallow!!

24 August 2004
Time: 00:01:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Silly
Music: Same... (keep up will ya?!)

I've just eaten a bowl Of Summer Fruits Cheesecake Ice-Cream...

Now I'm going to have two rounds of toast and a coffee...

No matter what happens tommorrow, at the moment, Life Is Good!! :-)

The Day After Tommorrow...

23 August 2004
Time: 23:58:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Silly
Music: Same as previous post

Will be two days from today...


(profound huh)


23 August 2004
Time: 23:42:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Hopeful
Music: Nicole Nordeman - This Mystery

Some random questions I ponder often, but don't seem to get an answer to, or if I do get an answer, it just gives more questions...

1. Why did God create anything at all?

2. How could Jesus pray to Himself while He was on earth?

3. What will Heaven be like?

4. What job will I have in Heaven?

5. Will there be places to eat in heaven?

6. Will I be able to fly with my new body? What will it be like?

7. If Heaven is outside of time, will that mean we won't age, we'll be ageless in effect? Is there a "perfect age" we'll stay at?!

8. What exactly, is the point of wasps? What really important job/function in nature do they have?

9. Why is Love never like it is in the films?!

10. How can God be one, but three, but one???????!

11. Why am I so lazy?! Is it my genes or my influences???

12. Who understands women?! (apart from other women and God of course..)


Will go away and continue to think...

Why do I sell dodgy books??!

23 August 2004
Time: 23:04:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Frustrated
Music: Vineyard - You * You Alone

It never ceases to amaze me how stupid some people can be. Sometimes I get sooooo frustrated at some of the books they'll buy to "boost their faith"...

Started reading a book today 'cos I was a little concerned about it, and it turns out I was right to be.

The shop was deathly quiet, so I decided to read a book I'd not heard of before. (Training in Stock Knowledge I call Anyhow, I decided on a book called "The Fourth Dimension" by Pastor Yonggi Chou. My first impression was of the title, I thought it sounded awfully "new-agey" for a christian book, but I carried on to open up and discover what fourth dimension exactly, he was talking about...

Apparently in his definition, the fourth dimension is the Realm of the Spirit". Right. got that one sorted then.

My biggest problem was his interpretation of "faith". He talks about claiming things "in faith", which as far as I can make out, involves asking God for things and then pretending that they're there, and acting as if you have them already!! My response to this revealing insight to christian practice was.....

Er..... Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite!!

That's all I could manage because I was amazed at how totally hopelessly someone could mis-interpret passages from the Bible, completely out of context. I mean come on, where did jesus say you've got to disengage ur brain (that He created by the way!!) and live out a life pretending you have things, and living expecting them to be given to you, because you "claimed" them????

It's a bit like trying to twist God's arm up his back...

"...Oi God! I asked for that shiny Mercedes Benz, you told me if i ask for stuff in faith, then I can have them. So where is it God?..."

I mean, COME ON people!!

God can't be manipulated like that!! That's not what Jesus meant surely?!

Surely God gives us what is good for us, what we NEED, not neccesarily what we WANT. Jesus said that we have good parents on earth, so surely God in heaven is a better parent than any earthly one? Surely he knows what's good for us in the long term? (and as much as some of us would like to be a millionaire, maybe if we actually got it, we'd just waste it all and whittle it all away, just like the prodigal Son did in the story)

If most of us were honest, that's what we'd do.

We'd like to think we'd help out people, feed the poor, etc, but in reality we'd keep it all for ourselves probably, because ultimately we are selfish creatures by nature.

So, for me, faith simply means trust. As simple and as complicated as that.

We excercise it every day I think, even in seemingly non-spiritual ways...

If you sit down on a chair, do you carefully examine all the parts, analyse them, and debate with yourself before sitting?! Of course not. People would think you were a fruitcake if you did that everytime you needed to sit down. You trust that the chair/seat/settee/couch/sofa will hold your weight.

That's precisely what faith is. Trust. No More, no Less.

It's the simplest concept in the world, but the hardest to put into practice. We as humans, like to analyse/measure/discuss/examine so much so, that it hinders us when we come to God.

Anyway, end of rant, I have coffee to make and toast to eat... ;)

(Priorities you know... lol )

Secret Mosher...

22 August 2004
Time: 23:57:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Mischievous
Music: Where Do We Go From Here? by Pillar :-)

I'd so loveee to have long hair. Listening to pillar an feel the urge to bang my head against a wall just for the sheer hell of it!! (and they say music doesn't influence us...)


REALLY bored tonite, know I should go to bed and sleep but can't be bothered!! (How wierd is that?!) So I'm trying to think of something interesting to post here to give me something to do...


Took the service this morning, was supposed to be a multimedia extravagaza, but the powerpoint went wrong, so was a bit of a limp lettuce. people said they enjoyed it, dunno whether they were being nice, or genuine!! I've been asked to speak at the ladies meeting in december, not sure whether that's a sign that i was good or bad...

Continue to have spiky hair, (see photo) but feel the need to dye it before a week on monday, which is the Big "3 0"... Might get it done electric blue, we'll have to wait and see!! definitely needs cutting tho, is a bit long to spike now...

I've just realised HOW KNACKERED I look in the pic,



Mental Block.

I really am thick, i've just realised. Braindead in fact.


That'll do for a post, will write again when I'm not feeling so spaced out!!


Hallelujah for trousers!!

20 August 2004
Time: 08:24:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Happy
Music: None. (see... yeh you know)

Praise the Lord!!

Trousers are a great invention aren't they??

They save me showing off my milky white anaemic fat calf muscles.

They insulate against the cold.

They give me places to put things in the pockets.

Best of all...

When they are dry, you can put 'em on and go to work.


Hallelujah for trousers!!

20 August 2004
Time: 08:24:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Happy
Music: None. (see... yeh you know)

Praise the Lord!!

Trousers are a great invention aren't they??

They save me showing off my milky white anaemic fat calf muscles.

They insulate against the cold.

They give me places to put things in the pockets.

Best of all...

When they are dry, you can put 'em on and go to work.



20 August 2004
Time: 08:22:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Worried
Music: (see note below last one)

I don't like them now.

Bit into one yesterday and was enjoyin it, when I noticed something brown an squidgy in the middle, that ad my teeth marks in it.

Nearly up-chucked the whole lot in one go.

Praying it wasn't some kind of pear-dwelling slug...

I feel sick now.


20 August 2004
Time: 08:14:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Frustrated
Music: None (see not below)

Some people wait for happiness to land in their lap.

Others wait for that perfect man/woman who will fulfill all their fantasies and dreams, and give them undying love for the rest of their days...

Still others wait for the time in the distant future when life will be that little bit better, and that little bit easier to cope with.

I'm just waiting for my flippin' trousers to dry in the tumble dryer so I can go to work.

(NOT impressed)

Feeling Old again...

20 August 2004
Time: 08:08:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Anxious
Music: None 'cos it's only a couple of seconds since the last post...

My best mate was 29 yesterday.

He's married.

He became a Dad in June.

I feel oldddddddddd...

Nearly the weekend...

20 August 2004
Time: 08:04:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Ecstatic
Music: None, Can't be bothered to put a CD in, too much effort....

I'm relieved it's nearly the weekend.

For once, for the first time in AGES, I've got a Saturday off!!

Looking forward to sleeping in till 12, then lazing around till 2, then finally dragging my atinking sweaty body to the shower, then standing under the shower for half an hour, then getting dressed lazily, thentryingtofinishallthethingsi'vegottodobeforetheserviceonsundaythatI'mtakingandwhichIamnotverypreparedforandreallydisorganizedabout....

Oh well...

Beware of Old Age... It Creeps Up On You...

17 August 2004
Time: 21:40:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Worried
Music: Chris Rice - Short Term Memories (Best Of)

I had a HIGHLY embarrassing incident today...

I thought, still being 29, that old age was a far off unpleasantry I didnt have to consider until many years time. I was very, very wrong.

Let me outline the situation I found myself in:

PLACE: In Work.

TIME: after lunch.

SITUATION: Just come back from lunch, had a violent sneezing fit which meant I had to blow my nose. No problems there. Had made a coffee and carried it downstairs to the shop floor...

CHARACTERS: Jm, (me) Gorgeous looking Girl, lot's of other non-descript customers...

Anyway, that's the background. I was standing behind the counter, the sun was actually shining for once outside, and a Gorgeous Looking Girl came up to the counter to ask for a book, which I then preceeded to search for. Tried my best not to be over awed by this picture of radiant female beauty, but failed slightly as I turned a subtle shade of slight crimson. (I ALWAYS do that! Grrrrrrrrr...)

I thought a good strategy was to pretend an carry on as if I hadn't turned red, fortunately this worked as she apparently didn't notice my change of colour. Perhaps she didn't even notice I existed but I didn't think of that at the time...

I started to wonder. Could I impress Gorgeous Girl with my unbounding knowledge of Christian Literature? Could romance happen over a shop counter as an invisible yet raging inferno of passion was communicated through glances over conversations about her author? I could only try...

As I was reading out the name of the author and book she wanted, and she was nodding approvingly as we agreed, I felt a strange tickling sensation on the outside of my nostril...

This sensation got worse as the conversation between me and Gorgeous Girl turned to the author's other books, which I told her were all very good... (well they are!)

SUDDENLY, with an ice-cold nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach, I realised in horror what the tickling sensation was....


When I blew my nose earlier, I must have started off an evil chain reaction in my nose that had awakened this evil creature of nasality!!

With sheer embarrassment, I turned away from Gorgeous Girl and tried to force a convincing cough so I could cover up my nose/mouth area an push the offending octopi like hair back up...

Horrendously, this made it extend EVEN longer. She looked at me. I KNEW the nose hair was there in full view dangling apparently unashamed, daring everyone to look at it in an exhibitionist-like way...

She KNEW it was there too. How could she not??! It made an amazonian python look like a premature earthworm. Yet we both took the only strategy available to avoid embarrassment.for both of us...

We pretended to be ignorant.

The discussion was over, the book was found, and the transaction was finished. She left the shop, and I leaned under the counter reaching for the box of hankies...

(shudders) It will give me nightmares that one, for years....

I'll be able to tell my non-existent holographic grandchildren about the time nose hair wrecked my love life.........


12 August 2004
Time: 21:56:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Quiet
Music: Event Hymns

Do I need purpose to justify everything I do?

Shouldn't the fact that God loves me be enough?

I guess it should. I should live life because I have it. I should enjoy things because I can enjoy them. I should love because He loves me.

It's really, really easy to say these things but much harder to live them out.

I guess God's character as I read about it in the Bible should be enough for me to live for Him every day, even in the boring dull things.

I think I've convinced myself. I'm too introspective on this blog. Because God made me, my character, my feelings, my emotions in some way are a reflection of Him because I'm made in His Image.

Wow. What a thought....

Is Purpose Purposeful?

12 August 2004
Time: 21:48:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Sad
Music: Derek Webb

I'm struggling this week. Normally I can put things behind me after a while, but this week I've been thinking (again) about my future, and it seems awfully dark and empty. I'm about to reach 30, and since my last birthday, I thought this year would be better, that things would change in my life somehow....

It hasn't turned out like that at all. In fact things have got worse. I'm more depressed, more lonely, more soul-sick than last year. Little things that go wrong, or don't go the way I want, turn into HUGE dissapointments at the moment, as I over-react emotionally to everything. Is this what depression is like?

I wonder. I really don't see a future out there, but blithely carry on with day to day stuff, living life with almost a resignation to the fact that I can't do anything about anything. And yet, there's part of me that keeps saying "keep going, it'll get better". Will it really though?

I find it incredibly ironic at the monment that I'm preaching on hope on the 22nd in church. I feel a bit of a hypocrite at the moment preparing it, even though part of me wants to hear my own message. It's really wierd. I guess that's God's Spirit not giving up on me. Someone's just im'd me and asked me wot's up , and my honest answer was "everything", which perfectly describes what I feel at the moment.

I don't know what the answer is.

Stoppped halfway through writing this to have some thought. Have decided I'm being too introspective, which isn't always good.

Will stop now. He's got it under control, I'm sure.

Inspiration... Day Off (re-run)

10 August 2004
Time: 22:07:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Music: Still Nichole Nordermann

Got inspiration... I'll tell you what I'm going to do with my day off tommorrow....

(don't fall off your chair with excitement now...)

Those of you with pace-makers, consult a specialist first before reading this post...

First I'm going to get up. Then I'm going to make myself some toast and a really really sugary cup of tea. (yum!) Then I'm going to get a shower. Then I'm going to put washing on......

THEN.... at 12 my mate Richard is coming round and we're gonna watch Nemesis on my Dad's surround sound DVD, an have some lunch....

Then we might play on his playstation....

Then I'm going to get picked up by my best mate Gaz at 4, after Richard has gone home....

THEN I'm going to our House Group Party to stuff our faces... THEN I'll come back and go to bed...

Wot an EXCITING DAY!!!! :->

I'm gonna burst with excitement!!!! I'm actually setting foot outside of the house!!!



Work, Work, Work....

10 August 2004
Time: 21:29:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Music: Nicole Nordermann

It's a Tuesday and I've got a day off tommorrow already!!!! YAAAAAAAY!!!! I've only been in two days... that's a bad sign isn't it!! This is going to be a short post I think, as I'm boring myself now, so there's no point carrying on with it...

Other than to say everytime I try to take a pic of myself with my web-cam, it just looks WRONG!! I swear it's not me!!

That's worrying....

The Real Me...

08 August 2004
Time: 19:28:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Quiet
Music: Eric Nordoff - Offerings

I don't really know who I am. It's a wierd thought, but i really don't. Lately I've been wanting to withdraw from people, for some reason preferring my own company even though it makes me feel lonely. I think I prefer the lonliness rather than the thought of connecting with people, and having to open up... I think?!

I used to define myself by who I loved and what I did, but now that that person has gone out of my life, and my job isn't really that important to me anymore, I don't know who I am. Surely we should know that?! I wonder whether there's something wrong with me? (apart from the MS, I know that one already)

How do we define ourselves as people? It can't be by what we do, because situations can change, circumstances can change. It can't be by who we love, because love is quite a fickle thing, and even the strongest love breaks down sometimes... How then do I know who I am?

I haven't got a clue.

I sometimes feel like I'm just a spectator in my own life, watching a person with my name and my body do things, but not actually being involved, REALLY involved myself. Like the real me is trapped and can't get out somehow. Is that depression? I don't know. I don't feel depressed particularly, more like empty and numb.

Yet I know God loves me, and not only know, I experience His Love. I just don't understand it, am I meant to feel like this?! Am I going mad, am I becoming mentally ill? I just don't know.

Was meant to be going to play in church tonight, but just felt too tired and lethargic and, (if I'm honest) I couldn't be bothered facing people, talking to people, having conversations, etc. I suddenly felt very selfish at about 5:30, and decided not to go.

Feel strange, but don't know why. I know God is doing something in my life, but I don't know what.

I'm very confused.

Oh well.

6 Day Week....

08 August 2004
Time: 10:12:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Loopy
Music: Switch Foot - Beautiful Letdown

Well, it's Sunday morning, and I'm just getting ready for church... I'm knackered, and never want to do a six day week again if I can help it in my life!! I'm in awe of people who do it every week, I dunno how they do!!

I'm leading this morning, so have just hastily in a panic printed off all the order for service... Have chosen mainly upbeat songs as it's gonna be so warm today I'm gonna have to try to keep people awake... (including myself! LOL )

We're looking at Psalm 23: "The Lord is My Shepherd", etc, which seems quite appropriate for me after a very long week!! I'd quite like to be led to a place with quiet waters I think!! Hopefully will be really applicable this morning.

Anyway, I'm gonna be late, so will dissapear and write later... (gotta carry my guitar and walk to church... in THIS weather!!! ) Oh well, if it was raining I suppose being the misery guts I am, I'd probably complain about that too...!

Bye for now...

Online - Is It real?? What about God?!

03 August 2004
Time: 00:34:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Mischievous
Music: Hillsongs London

I mean, is it??! I was thinking just before that it's wierd that this century we've got so much technology at out fingertips, (literally!) but yet we're the farthest apart as humans that we can be, and probably of any generation before us...

Take chatting online for example. How do you know the person you're talking to is really the person they say theye are??! How do you know when they say "I'm slim, blone and attractive" they don't actually mean "I weigh more than a blue whale, I'm blonde because my green hair dye went wrong, and I'm attractive if you're a hairy mammoth too"... ?

I'm new to all this but I still get caught out taking people at their word asnd being too trusting. Not that I'm saying I accept everything people say to me without question, but I prefer to give them "the benefit of the doubt". I sometimes wonder whether that should be the case online at all. (My paranoia strikes again)

Luckily so far I have found some genuine people and made some good friends, but who's to say the next one won't be a physcho?!

That brings me nicely on to the subject of faith...

"Faith?" you might say, "what has that got to do with anything?"...

Well, faith is just a big word for "trust". To "have faith" in someone means you have trust in them, to trust that their decision making or their abilities will carry an objective through, or achieve a goal set. This is what Christians are supposed to do, and the way we're supposed to live.

Sadly many of us as Christians don't demonstrate faith in the way that we live, mostly what we demonstrate is "belief" and "fear". It's a hard concept to grasp, but you can "have belief" in something without neccesarily "having faith" in it...

"Having faith" implies a relationship to the object/person you're demonstrating it in. You can't have trust in something you're not sure is there!! "Believing" in something, is a mental assent to an idea or theory that doesn't neccesarily involve relationship.

ALOT of people get these two ideas mixed up, so that they make the statement "I have faith" which actaully means "I believe there may be a God", which is totally different to the Bible's idea of what "faith" is...

Just a though that plagued me today...

I think I think too much...


31 July 2004
Time: 18:49:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Mischievous
Music: Mercy Me... again!!!

It's been a bit of a wierd day today... I got up at 12, as I was talking on MSN till 3am. Felt in a really wierd mood all day, really restless and bored all day. In fact I dunno why I didn't start writing anything earlier than this, probably would've stopped me being bored.

I've had a wierd craving for rubbish food today as well, although i don't know why??! I ate a Pot Noodle, which I haven't had for about four yaers, and it tasted disgustingly good! I've avoided fruit today for some reason aswell. (maybe my bum was hinting.. lol ) Not looking forward to next week, I have end of month accounts to do, and have a six day week as the only full timer in as well... oh dear!!

The problem with this is not that I can't cope, it's rather that the buck stops with me, which considering I'm so lazy, is a bit of a problem. If parcels don't get done in time, it'll be my fault. If goods aren't posted to customers in time, it'll be my fault. If stock isn't ordered in for the shop, in time for all the various promotions, guess who's fault it is?

That's right. Mine.

You see my problem?

Oh well, I'll just have to get on with it, and look forward to my two weeks off in September. I'm going to somewhere in Devon with Gaz and Gen for a week, and then I've got the week after to do something else. Hmmm... wonder if I can fit in meeting up wiv people I chat with? That'd be exciting!! :-) There's some people I'd like to meet to see if they're the same in real life as they are online! Wonder if they are?!

At the moment, I have been laffin at myself quite alot, as I've bin talking to some people online of the female persuasion and got on really well, an now I've found out theyre all TALL!!! lol lol lol Oh well!! Never mind, I'll have to find someone my own size! It's quite funny when you talk to people online, because you're never quite sure if what they're saying is the truth, or if they're even who they say they are...

I'm quite naive, an it's funny because I tend to take people at their word, and am quite straight with them myself. The only prob is, they could be winding me up, and I would never know!! lol

I've only bin online since January, and I've learnt quite alot about chatting with people. I think it's really wierd that you can have quite intimate friendships, with people you've never met!! I suppose there's a comfort in the fact that you can be quite intimate, because you're never actually intending to meet them, so it's a kind of "keeping my distance" friendship, which to me, loses the point of freindship completely!!! Wierd huh?!

Hmmmmm.... will have to think about that one...

Oh well, think it's time to stop babbling an go an get a cuppa to continue my boredom vigil...

Lessons Learned...

30 July 2004
Time: 23:22:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Sad
Music: Gotta Keep Singing - Mercy me

I'd like to tell you a story about Brad and Harry. (not neccesarily real names)

Brad is my friend. He's nearly 19 years old, but will have the mental age of a 9 year old for the rest of his life. When he was born, he couldn't feed properly, and didn't receive the nourisment that most babies get. The problem was with the oesophagus, which meant that he spontaneously vomited any food that he was fed, due to it contracting. This carried on until he had an operation when he was 6, which was successful, but by this stage he had nort developed properly due to lack of nourishment. He looks like a little old man...

I've known him since he was about 8, and he was in my Sundayschool Class until I quit as a teacher to concentrate on leading worship last year. since then, I've been meeting up with him about once a week, to carry on the friendship, as his mum and dad split up about two years ago, and he doesn't get to see his dad much. He has no real friends as far as I know, and spends alot of time on his own.

Because he stutters so badly people sometimes get impatient with him, and don't bother to let him finish. Even worse, they try to finish sentences for him, leaving him quietly frustrated. For years he's been used to people putting him to the side, ignoring him and sidelining him. I wanted to redress the balance. We've just been to see Thunderbirds, and then went to eat at MacDonalds.

I had a great time, and it was great to hear Brad's comments all through the film, as he got excited, and immersed himself in all the twists and turns of the plot, as only a child can do. It was great to see the excitment in his face, as the "baddies" get beaten, and the good guys win in the end. It was brilliant to hear him shouting encouraging comments to the good guys as they were trying to win, even though he was very loud!!! :-)

Let me tell you about Harry. Harry is a relative. He's been married twice, and unfortunately both of them failed. He's had some problems in his time, most of which were emotional and mental. He's part of a big family, one of 13 brothers and sisters, so I guess in his early years although there wasnt a lot of love to go round, he had the support of his family. His current relationship was living with a schitzophrenic lady who also had similar emotional/mental problems. When he was younger he used to play outside all day with his brothers, up and down the coal pits in South Wales, not worrying about his mother chasing him because they knew everyone in their village, and their mum knew they'd be safe. It was a different world then to today.

Today I found out he committed suicide this morning by hanging himself. He'd reached a stage where depression and other problems wouldn't let go their grip, and from a situation of things being there but under control, to chaos and blackness.

Why I am telling you this?

Because I realised today, that I don't know how God is going to use my words and actions today to influence people. Harry reached a stage in his life where he couldn't cope any more, even thogh there were people around to help him. I realised today that I've got to keep putting myself out for people just like Brad, otherwise they'll end up like Harry, lost and alone...

Jesus said in Matthew's gospel... "

MT 25:41 "Then he will say to those on his left, `Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

MT 25:44 "They also will answer, `Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

MT 25:45 "He will reply, `I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

MT 25:46 "Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

I've learned today that what we do matters, no matter how small. We don't see the effect of what we do, how we treat others, what influence we could have for God. Jesus taught that as we serve and love others, we will love Him more.

What is God going to do with your life today if you let Him?

Who will He influence and show His love to through you?

My family and I are mourning the loss of Harry, but more than that, we are mourning the opoortunities missed, the words never said, the support that could have been given more, the regrets come on and on like a river, threatening to drown us if we let them.

I believe there is a God, and he loves us. Passionately.

That's how He wants us to Love Him, in serving others.

I don't want there to be more Harry's who never had the chance to find out the touch of another's comfort, who never had the chance to discover the amazing fact of God's Love.

I'm determined to do what I can for Richard, because as I share in his life, I'm sharing in My Lord's aswell.

The Hating God

30 July 2004
Time: 17:20:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Sad
Music: Linkin Park - still....

A God of hate. That's what everyone thinks isn't it? A God who agrees with all our prejudices, objections, and self obsessed dogmatism, and all our selfish and crass statements...

A God who is on "our side", a God who will always support "our views", who will never challenge them because actually He "knows" that we were right all along...

That's not the God I follow. It doesn't say much about God if He's subject to our views does it?? Yes I know that these people are quoting the Bible, and theyre quoting verses in the Bible, but that doesn't mean they're quoting them correctly. When is the Church going to wake up to the fact that Christianity is not a book based religion, that the Bible is not the "Word Of God" in a dictated sense that Muslims define the Word Of God, that the whole of Christianity was started by "a person" and it is still about THAT person...

The Bible points TO the Word Of God... Jesus.

It's that simple!! A writer I have great respect for, Brennan Manning, (an ex-jesuit priest) wrote about american christians adhering to a new "Biblidolitary", a religion of "the book" that knows that it's right, that quotes verbatim from "the book", that denies any other form of seeking and searching, or even any other viewpoint, than it's own narrow interpretation. A book based religion that claims more importance on "knowing the word", (i.e. the bible) than "knowing the Word", i.e. Jesus.

Surely what is unique about our message is that we're not enslaved to a cold impersonal book, but rather we follow a person who is, as hard as i find to understand it, both God and Man. We follow a person, who has lived before us, and shown us the way to live!! We dont follow a book, and organise our life around "principles" and "statutes". We have a living relationship with One who is present with us at all times, influencing us and guiding us, if we let Him...

Don't get me wrong, the Bible is trhe INSPIRED Word of God, but notice the Word inspired. That tells me it is a living breathing manual for life, not a dusty old text or reference book to be consulted on every problem... God did not dictate the bible, rather, He lovingly and creatively worked through the author's lives to bring into existence the message of HIS STORY. That has to be our basis in how we approach the Bible.

Do I believe those verses that the ignorant people quoted? Yes I do. But I also equate those verses with the WHOLE message of the Bible in context. God created, God gave freewill. We chose against Him and suffered the effects in separation amongst others. he made a divine plan to bring us back. We can know Him like we first were meant to if we accept this plan. That's it!!

Don't it make it more complicated. Don't "sex it up", don't "subject it to spin", don't try to make it "more understandable", because it's perfect as it is. The Bible is a fantastic book that tells the story of the whole human race, through the lives of countless individuals, and the story of how God worked to bring us back.

It's not a hate list of what God does and doesn't like, yes it talks about sin, because that's the situation that EVERYONE of us is in. This situation can be wonderfully and amazingly reversed through the greatest sacrifice that has ever been made.

Why can't Christians grasp that? Why do they have to add their own little insidious comments, and change the bible into a political statement?

I really really struggle with this. I'm amazed at God's Grace that he still put's up with the church, and doesn't just destroy it outright for twisting His message. When did it change from His message to "ours"???

Thanks for the comment Sven, this still is troubling me....

Subject: Fundamentalism

30 July 2004
Time: 14:06:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Angry
Music: Meteora - Linkin Park

God hates fags. Apparently. I'm so distressed at what I've just read on a website sent to me by one of my online friends. It's supposedly the web page of a "Church", although the core of this church's message of hate, seems to me to be the exact opposite of what Jesus taught the church was to be.

I'm about to go out, but am going to wite again in a while, as I feel this si so important to get right. I'm ashamed to say that this supposed "church" is in the same denomination as the one to which I belong, and for a moment, reading it made me ashamed to be a Christian. :-(

Anyway, I've got to go out now, I will write on this subject when I get back...

Got Me Thinking...

24 July 2004
Time: 00:27:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Chillin'
Music: Mercy Me

Sometimes it's good to reflect.

I've had a quiet past few days, not being 100% health wise, and it's given me some time to think about some things...

Time to think about where my life is headed. Time to think about the fact I'm 30 next month, and not a hint of a relationship on the horizon. Or the fact that I don't have an important job, I don't have lots of money, don't particularly have any status, etc

But all that's ok, because I've known someone since I was nine who's been with me every step of the way, and He's never let me down.

It's very hard to describe to people what God is like if you've never met Him. It's like trying to describe nuclear physics to a flea really. It's not that God is complicated neccesarily, (although He is!) it's just that you just can't imagine how Good, how Loving, how Kind how Compassionate He is.

It's like the best friend you could ever have, the best parent, the best lover who perfectly understands you all rolled into one.

The sad thing is, most people THINK they know what He is like by looking at those of us who claim we know Him. Unfortunately, we are just the same as everyone else, we make the same mistakes, have the same fear of rejection, and have the same ability within us to cause hurt as the next person.

People look at Christians and think that Jesus must be hateful, proud, bigoted and hypocritical just because they look at his followers. To be honest I can't say I blame them, very often we are all of those things and worse. BUT...

It's not meant to be like that. Jesus came to show us what God is like. Jesus spent time when he was here on earth with the people who everybodt else wrote off, the socially reprehensible, the outcasts, the hated people, the downtrodden and the abused. The religious people he hated because they didn't follow God, they followed a religion based on their own self-importance.

It seems that today he needs to do the same again, because the religious people are stirring up again, and blocking out the wonderful message Jesus came to bring, most of all God is Just, but He is also Love. God has the right to condemn, but He chooses to condemn Himself rather than be separated from us. He chooses to take the punishment that we deserve...

I know some people will read this an think I'm a loony, (they'd be half right! ;) lol ) but that doesn't matter to me, because I know I've met Him, and I know He's real, Ifeel His love written on my heart, and written in events in my life...

Trust me, once you've found God, and realised the depth of His love for you, nothing, and I mean nothing else compares.

Anyway, I'd better stop blabbing now. Now that I feel a bit better I'll try and get back to daily comments, if there's anyone out there who's interested in reading this stuff...

(if you are reading this stuff regularly, please... got get professional phsyciatric help.... ;) )

bye for now...

Post Reducing Traumas...

19 July 2004
Time: 00:31:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Mood: Quiet

At the moment... I feel like that pig... (pic of pig is missing!)

One of the problems with M.S. is that sometimes it just hits you and knocks the energy out of you.

Havent posted all week cos couldn't be bothered with lack of energy, hopefully will get inspired this week to type something of any importance, you never know!! I'm absolutely knackered, so tired that i chose to spend the day in bed rather than go to church. (I know, I know I'm a heretic...)

Now i've got a late night and have to be up in six hours for work, so think I'd better go and leave this as my shortest post so far... Oh well.

Issues Of Height...

15 July 2004
Time: 22:24:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Music: Marillion

The Problem Of Being Short

I’m currently writing to Trading Standards

After months of deliberation I finally decided to put ink to parchment on behalf of all short people everywhere. I don’t think people take into account the problem of being vertically challenged, let me give you an example:

For Christmas, as is my usual request, (because I’m mean) I received a couple of pairs of boot-cut jeans. Very nice they were too, I was pleased with them, until… I tried them on. Let’s just say that the waist and inside leg were fine, the only problem being, I could make another two WHOLE pairs of jeans out of the extra length past my feet… This was NOT good…

Think about that a minute…

The normal person of average height, (say 5”6/5”7 for blokes, 5”4 for girls) has average length legs. (unless of course they’re a mutant, and their legs start at their armpits…) Do they have problems with jeans? Oh no!! Their size is manufactured from London to Timbuctoo… I’ve got a suspicious feeling even in Outer Mongolia they sell polar bear skin jeans in average size!!

“Normal” sized people don’t have the problem of having to pay someone to cut off the offending length and hem EVERY piece of trouserwear they ever buy… Neither do they have the acutely embarrassing situation of having to wear “turn up’s” (if a tailor service is not available) that are bigger than the Titanic itself, and which, if thoroughly investigated, reveal food/glasses/whole lost African tribes that have deposited during the course of an average day…

How many times have I tried to be served standing at a bar, waiting to get the chance to order my AA fruit cocktail, when I’m overlooked, (literally) and someone else is served who was after me. I don’t blame the bar staff, if I was them and saw a pair of hands emerge in front of the bar waving a £20 pound note frantically, i@d be freaked out, and think it was a bad trip, or the effect of last night’s cheese butty….

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate my height, it’s just, once in a while, it gets annoying, and, after all, there’s only so many places you can take a stool…

I don’t hate the bar staff/shop staff, or indeed anyone who works at a place that is “non vertically-challenged compliant” and “heightist”… I blame the designers, the architects the planning supervisors, etc. In fact, now I come to think of it, being short in this “personal choice politically correct” world of ours today, could be classed as a disability!!!

In light of these facts, I end this entry with an emotional appeal for Short Designers…

Please short people, let’s catch the vision and create a better future for our munchkins… (er… I mean children)

I wonder what the benefits agency would say if I put in a claim for being “vertically impaired”…..?

(runs off to get pen…)

That Monday Morning Feeling...

12 July 2004
Time: 08:06:00 o'clock BST
Author: happyhobbit29
Music: None, too unhappy

I've got this worried feeling this morning... like something's gonna happen that's really bad, and I just can't remember what it is...

Oh yeh, that's it, I'm going back to work today after a week off. Poo.

Eeyore has nothing on me, when I contemplate the thought of going to work today, all sorts of depressive and chokingly negative thoughts surround me.

You just dont understand how bad it is...

When I walk in to my Christian Bookshop, it's like walking into Narnia... People acting and living in completely different ways to the world outside that door... "Brilliant" I hear you say, Christians are supposed to be different! Don't we believe we should be "in the world but not of it"?

Well yes and no.

Should we be different just for the sake of being different, or is there a reason behind our difference?

I go to work everyday with the nagging feeling that no matter how many orders I take, orders I place, customers I serve, budgets I keep, etc etc, in the end I'm not really doing anything of any importance... To put it simply... what I do doesn't really matter, and I'm wasting my time...

My worst fear is that I'm unknowingly part of a great deception of Christians, making Jesus into a product you can buy and sell, turning the Son of God into an idea, something that can entertain and delight us as long as we let it into our lives...

I'm worried that I'm so busy selling Christian products that I miss knowing who Jesus really was... and is. I'm worried that in all the confusion, I miss out on something special. All the buying and selling and marketing of "Christian" things could be hiding the amazing, frightening and unbelievable Truth that is at the centre of the Universe...

God Loves us...

Not only that, He'd rather die than be without us.

More amazing, the whole gift of life is given to us so that we can come to know Him, who only wants to show us that love...

Don't get me wrong, in my job, I work with some great people, and I'm grateful for the job I have, I just have this nagging feeling all the time like a hammer in the back of my mind, telling me that I'm missing out on "it", whatever "it" is...

Maybe the feelings of inadequacy and empty purpose I struggle with are not to do with my job. Maybe what I'm feeling can be traced back to the Garden of Eden. Could it be I'm showing the traits of my father Adam, is my lostness, lonliness and frustration?

Maybe the emptiness I feel so keenly almost everyday in little and big ways, points to something else, a longing for "something more". Maybe it's a longing to know and be known by the one person who's ever loved me completely...

Jesus Christ.

I'm starting to welcome these feelings now. I'm starting to see that they could be pointing to the fact that what I'm longing for is something that's real, so real, that one day it's gonna take my breath away.

I wonder whether these feelings I have point to the fact that I'm nor finished yet, that my incomplete-ness will one day be complete.

I do struggle with all of this, but maybe that explains why I have this monday morning feeling on other days...

God isn't finished yet... I've just got to hang in there!!


I've decided to put in all my previous posts from my old blog, just in case people who view this one can't get to AOL...

Here they all are...

Wait for it...

I thought this was hillarious, and it kinda reminds me of how i feel about my employment..... wonder why? lol
Posted by Hello

Whistle While You Work...

I'm a bit depressed.

After two really long, incredible weeks of holiday, it's my first day back to work tommorrow...

Oh Bog.

I've been catching myself making HUGE sighs all day, as I expect the inevitable return to boredom and that great fear of all...

Working with the public.

Oh boy, how I hate my job...

Does anyone wanna give me a job testing computer games all day, and food tasting?

That'd be cool.

Ah well....

I'm sure my work will give me lot's to blog about, if nothing else...

(There's some SERIOUS FREAKS that come into my shop... lol)

Well, off to bed, hoping sleep will supress the mounting depression...

Pray for me...


Saturday, September 18, 2004

Questions I've Pondered late At Night...

1. Why can you never find a battery when you need one, and all that you do find, are
nearly dead?

2. Who is Yurgen Trauschsausage?

3. Why do anti-abortionists murder people?

4. What is the purpose of wasps?

5. Why do peanut butter and jam go together when they really shouldn't?

6. Who invented the pooper scooper?

7. Why Am I Still Awake?

8. If the truth is out there, what's in here?

9. If you attached some buttered toast to a cat's back, and dropped it from a great
height, would it land on it's feet and live, or would Sod's Law take over??

10. Would butter cancel out nine lives?? If so, what if you put Peanut Butter on the

11. If everything is relative, who are the in-laws?


I will go away and ponder these and many other questiions....

Random Women.... Grrrrrrrr....

Why? That's all I'd like to ask!!


It's been bugging me for days, I keep getting STUPID pop-up messages from my AOL "IM Catcher"...


Usually really original names like "HotGirl4U", and "AmyCam541" and such like...

It's starting to depress me now....

Why can't they leave me alone??

Maybe it's my profile on AOL, maybe they've seen my pic and been shocked by the pure unadulterated example of Testosterone riddled male hunkness that they found there...

Then again... maybe not.

They just won't leave me alone!! It's 'blummin typical I tell you!!

In real life, I've got as much chance of meeting up with a "hotgirl" as Geoffrey Chaucer has of re-editing his own poems and snogging his dog....

(he's dead by the way)

Online, I have to fight them off with a stick!!


and another one...
Posted by Hello

a partial example of big hair...
Posted by Hello

Thursday, September 16, 2004

The Great Procrastinator Part 2

I'm stopping for lunch, even though I haven't actually started yet.

Now that takes talent!!

I thankyou. (bows)

The Last Of The Great Procrastinators...

Ok, Ok, so I said last night I'd be tidying my room...


Ok then.

See you in a few hours, if I'm not back posting by ten tonight...

Wait till tommorrow!

Baby Explosion!!

No, I don't mean that a baby's self combusted...


What's wrong with the world??

Just found out one of my ex-uni friends is expecting. (ex-uni friend as in we're not in Uni anymore, not as in an ex-friend... oh you know what I mean)

My two best friends in the world became parents in June, and for the last 12 weeks I've had all the privelleges of adopted unclehood without the responsibilities, i.e. nappy changing, being awakened at all hours, etc.

Hearing that my friend is now expecting is the last straw!

I've decided I feel left out, so therefore...

I'm going to have to build one.

(well that's the only likely way I'm gonna be a father in the realistic future)


Will have to find some raw genetic material to manipulate. If it's anything like me though, it won't be a test-tube baby, a test-tube will be too big, a thimble will do. Yes! That's it, I'll make the first "thimble baby". It could live in the thimble, and when it get's a bit bigger move into the test tube as a 10th birthday present.

Hmmmm, I'd have to bring it up right tho, don't know if I fancy that bit. There's also the endless frantic searching for the latest toy, at 5pm on Christmas Eve, the squabbles with it's brothers and sisters, (well I can't leave it on it's own now can I?) the eventual gf/bf problem to navigate, re-living exams through it, re-living finding and going to Uni...


Maybe it's not such a good idea after all...

Do Asda sell playstations?

The Prototype Blog

The above link was my first blog on AOL.

Have a visit, as I can't be bothered to transfer all my thoughts over!!

PLease, it'll save me alot of time!!

Go on...

Go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on...

my room REALLY needs tidying... a small sample of the general chaos in it...
Posted by Hello

Urgent Action Required

It's time to tidy my room.

I've decided. I have no choice. I went to get a cup of tea, (essential to any blogger) and tripped over an item of clothing on the floor, and banged my knee on the door. I suddenly noticed that I couldn't actually see the carpet. The realisation dawned that now is the time for tidying, now is the day of cleanliness!!

So, on that note...

I'll start tommorrow.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

"would you trust this man?"
Posted by Hello

Final proof that I'm an idiot...

LOL I've had this blog one day and already I forgot my username and password, and had to send an e-mail to blogger main-site-thingy to get a new one!!

Final Proof that I am an idiot.

Actually I say final because there have been others...

1. the time I had to think for a while before illumination came to the answer to the question, "what precisely is in the sweet, lemon sherbet?"

2. the time when I was spotted in a gents loo with another bloke helping me put a bra on... (it's a longggggggg story involving a stag night, but I am heterosexual and not a transvestite... lol)

3. the time when I tripped and fell down a whole flight of stairs on a double decker bus, and landed facedown on a 14 year old schoolgirl... (now THAT was embarrassing)

There's just a few, but unfortunately I have many...

It's time to accept it.

I am an idiot.


Strange Noises

Location: in my room.

Time: late afternoon.

I was happily listening to music upstairs when I heard what sounded like a thousand armed guerilla's launching a pre-emptive attack on the kitchen. Needless to say I was a bit fearful of going downstairs to discover what the noise was.

Would I find the remnants of war, bloody remains scattered everyewhere, the cries of semi-conscious soldiers near brink of death assaulting my ears??

Apparently not.

It was something much, much worse...

The washing machine decided to throw a wobbly while it was rinsing. The noise the drum made as I entered the domain of all things culinary, was not sounding healthy. I fear for the soul of the washing machine, and I fear for my social status if it does give up the ghost.

After all, who wants to talk to a person whose clothes stink??

My fear drove me to faith... I prayed that it would be ok and not break down, leaving me stranded in the world of BO, detergent and bold taunting me in my nightmares...

Anyway, I think it's ok for the moment. Hopefully it'll give up when I've finished my load, I don't care about anyone else's, obviously in the case of laundry, all's fair in love and war...

False Advertising

Is your life empty?

Do you wake up in the middle of the night and wonder whether carrots with human heads are eating their way through your meat section in the freezer?

Are you aware of a turbulent desire within for silliness and randomness mixed with artistic journalistic, nihilistic, reporting of breaking current events?


You've got the wrong blog then.


This is me! Posted by Hello